Take Me Back to The Start
by Psyc0gurl0
Summary: Jax/Tara. After 9 years away Tara comes back with a kid. Full summary inside. Slightly AU.
1. Chapter 1: How We Got Here

**Title:** Take Me back To The Start

**Summary:** After nine years the ailing health of Tara's dad brings her back to Charming with a kid along. What if Tara had gotten pregnant and had returned a year before she did on the show?

**Disclaimer: No one belongs to me. Sadly. They all belong to Kurt Sutter. If they did, however belong to me, some things would've been slightly different.**

**Author's Note:** So this is my first Sons of Anarchy fic. I started watching the show on Netflix and of course fell in love with Jax/Tara. I hop you guys like it! It's just an idea I had and wouldn't go away, basically, so we'll see where it goes. I hope every one is in character, so please let me know if they aren't! Please review! Enjoy!

**Warning: Swearing.**

* * *

_Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry  
You don't know how lovely you are  
I had to find you, tell you I need you  
Tell you I set you apart_

_Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions  
Oh, let's go back to the start  
Running in circles, coming up tails  
Heads on a science apart_

_Nobody said it was easy  
It's such a shame for us to part  
Nobody said it was easy  
No one ever said it would be this hard  
Oh, take me back to the start_

_ The Scientist By Coldplay_

* * *

**Chapter 1: How We Got Here**

The first test was positive so Tara Knowles being who she was had to take a second test just to make sure. When the second test came back positive she had to take a third test because she wasn't able to come to terms with the first two. When the third test came back positive she bought two more Pregnancy Tests because there was no fucking way she was pregnant.

Girls like Tara didn't get pregnant at the age of nineteen, two months after leaving her hometown to go to college. It had been two months since she left Charming. The fight with Jax was still ringing in her ears, the tears were still hot on her cheeks, and she still could see the anger in his eyes.

If she returned two months later, pregnant, and begging for forgiveness she wasn't sure if he would take her back. She wasn't even sure she wanted to go back. Mostly, she had no idea what the fuck she was going to do. She had graduated high school, just turned nineteen, and was currently in college.

She had been in college two months so far and she loved it. She loved the learning, the reading, the people, it was everything Charming wasn't and it was easy to hide her past away.

Even though she loved college she missed Jax more than she'd ever missed anything in her entire life. The idea of returning wasn't completely terrible, but then she'd remembered the last few months of the summer they had, had together.

She had told him in the middle of her senior year that she was seriously considering going to college. Sure, she had talked about it over the three years they had been together, but she'd never told him outright what she was doing. When she had gotten her acceptance letter he'd been both angry and proud of her. One minute he'd be snarling at her for leaving him and the next he'd be telling her that he was proud she was doing something no one else he knew had done.

She'd tried to talk him into coming with her, she'd spent most of the second semester of high school trying to talk him into it, but he kept telling her his place was at the club. He had gotten patched in when he turned eighteen and she had spent a lot of time worrying about his whereabouts and wellbeing. He kept telling her that it was pointless to worry, that he'd be ok, but then she got that dreaded phone call from Gemma. He had been arrested right before her high school graduation.

She had gone to visit him every chance she got that summer and had hidden telling him the truth about school, but then the end of June came, followed by July, then August and she knew she had to tell him. He had been moody, angry, and withdrawn. She didn't blame him, but she expected him to at least support her. He'd spent all of their time right before she left in jail until he was released a week before she left. They had made love more times than she could count and now as she looked back on that week of complete bliss she couldn't remember if they had used protection.

It didn't matter anyway, Jax was the only one she'd ever been with, but still she was pregnant, with no idea what to do. Go back to Charming and talk to Jax, try and work things out, or stay in San Diego become the doctor she had always dreamed of and try to raise the child herself.

She'd considered an abortion, but after much deliberation she didn't think she could get rid of a child Jax and her had made out of love. So she opted to go back to Charming and tell Jax about the child growing within her, but like so many well-laid plans her's didn't go accordingly.

* * *

She arrived in Charming on Thanksgiving feeling like this was the worst idea ever. The bus dropped her off at the station and she began to walk to her dad's house in her old neighborhood. Her cousin had given her some money for food and shelter, but Tara figured she could at least stay with her dad instead of at one of the dingy hotels on the outside of town. She had made it halfway to her father's house when a familiar car pulled up beside her. She looked at the driver's side and wasn't surprised to see Gemma Teller-Morrow staring back at her with a smug look.

"College kick you out?" she said staring at the young girl.

Tara bit her lip and looked away.

Gemma, until she had found out she was going to college had been a very influential part of Tara's life. Initially when Tara was young Gemma used to treat Tara as the daughter she never had. Since her mother had died Gemma helped Tara as often as she could. Everyone in town new Frank Knowles was an abusive violent drunk and Gemma took pity on the girl, for reasons no one could ever fully understand.

Frank often went to the clubhouse parties and left Tara in the car or even brought her inside on some occasions. Gemma made sure to watch out for the little girl, but after Jax showed an interest in her Gemma became wary of Tara. Gemma didn't reach out to her like she used to and when Tara would come to dinner she'd try and keep Jax and Tara apart as much as she could.

After the first year of dating she began to let up a bit and even began to talk about what Tara would look forward to when she became an Old Lady. But then Jax went to jail and Tara revealed that she was going to college and Gemma became distant and angry with her.

Tara often wondered if Gemma was projecting Jax's feelings onto her or if Gemma felt abandoned by the brunette teenager just like Jax. Regardless all of the old fuzzy feelings Tara used to have for Gemma were buried deep inside, unlikely to see the daylight again.

"I'm here to visit." Tara said quietly looking Gemma straight in the eye.

Gemma smirked slightly and nodded into the passenger seat.

"Hop in I'll give you a lift."

Tara nodded and went over to the other side putting her book bag down between her feet.

"We didn't expect you back so soon after your left. You caused quite a scene." Gemma commented.

"Yeah…I guess part of me wanted to set things right." She mumbled staring out the window. She was wringing her hands nervously wondering if telling Gemma about her pregnancy was the right thing to do. Gemma had given her advice before, hell she was even the one to take Tara to the Free Clinic to get a prescription for birth control, but for some reason Tara kept her mouth closed. As much as she wanted to spill her guts something told her not to, especially to her ex's mother.

"Jax will be happy to see you." Gemma said quietly.

Tara's head snapped up to meet hers, but she was busy concentrating on the road so Tara couldn't tell if she was mocking her or not.

"How's he doing?"

"Fine. Fine. You know." Gemma said waving the question away. They were quiet as they drove through the sunny town and as they drove closer to her house Tara began to recognize her old neighborhood.

"Does your dad know your coming home?" Gemma asked curiously.

Tara shook her head, "no."

"So are you really here to make things right?" Gemma inquired.

Tara smiled slightly. "Yeah, I am."

"You know he was heartbroken when you left. After that fight…" Gemma trailed off with a sigh.

"I'm sorry." Tara said quietly.

Gemma glanced at her, "It's not me you should be apologizing too."

Tara bit her lip from spitting out the truth. They sat in silence until Gemma pulled into the driveway both noting that the black Cutlass Frank Knowles was so proud of was absent in the driveway.

"He's probably at the bar." She said quietly.

"How about you come to dinner at our house. I was just running errands when I saw you. I have to finish making the turkey and stuffing anyway." Gemma said and Tara really wanted to think that Gemma was just being nice, but Tara knew her too well. Gemma wanted to make sure Tara didn't leave town again until she made things right with her son.

As much as Gemma was happy that the hold Tara had on Jax was over, it also hurt seeing her son in so much pain. She hadn't been lying when she said he was heartbroken. She shoved girls at him, made him his favorite foods, and even got Clay to buy him a new bike, but nothing worked. Initially when they started seeing each other Gemma doubted it would last, but after seeing how crazy they were for each other for three years she figured they would settle down and get married. She was even beginning to look forward to Tara as a daughter-in-law. She was smart, driven, and had all the right qualities to be a good Old Lady, Gemma was looking forward to shaping her into what she could be, but Tara wanted more than Jax could give her, she wanted more than Charming offered her.

"Sure." Tara said softly.

The drive to the Teller-Morrow residence was filled with tense silence. Gemma tried to get her to talk about school, but the more questions she asked the more Tara shut down. Gemma figured it was because of seeing Jax, which was partially true, but Tara was more worried about how to tell Jax about the baby.

Before leaving San Diego her cousin had taken her to the doctor's and gotten her checked out. She was eleven weeks pregnant and healthy as could be. Tara even had a little ultrasound to show Jax.

The house was bustling when they arrived and after telling herself everything was going to be ok Tara finally got out of the car. She helped Gemma unload the groceries and then much to her surprise Gemma told her to go find everyone and saw hello. Much like the invitation to dinner Tara was skeptical about Gemma's true intentions and didn't realize what they were until she was upstairs and in the hallway that led to Jax's room. She heard the familiar knocking of the bedpost against the wall and her stomach dropped in realization that Jax wasn't alone in his bedroom.

She stood in the hallway debating if she should continue forward and knock on the door, but then the door of the bathroom beside her opened and Opie stepped out.

"Tara!" Opie exclaimed upon seeing Tara in the hall and standing by the room he had just vacated.

He followed her eyes and grimaced hearing the sounds coming from inside the room across from them. It sounded like a porno was being filmed inside Jax's bedroom.

"How are you, Tara?" he asked glad when he saw her gaze move from the door to him.

"Fine." Tara said softly.

"What brings you home?"

"Thanksgiving."

He nodded and they looked at each other not knowing what to say.

"I'm sure Jax will be done soon." Opie said awkwardly.

Tara smiled sadly, "that's what I'm afraid of."

As if on cue the door swung open and a disheveled blonde came out of the bedroom. The smell of booze, cigarettes, weed, and sex infiltrated the air and Tara tried to hold back the gag that threatened to rise from her throat.

The woman glared at Tara and then pushed past her to go to the bathroom. Opie glanced at Tara not knowing what to do in this situation. Once upon a time he and Tara had been good friends, but now he knew after the breakup he had to side with Jax, they were brothers after all.

But one look at Tara's crestfallen face made Opie want to hug her and make her feel better. He knew comforting the distraught girl was against bro-code, but she looked so upset at seeing the croweater emerge from Jax's room half naked.

"Get me a beer!" Jax yelled from the room and his voice seemed to jerk Tara back to reality.

She moved towards the stairs and as she reached the top stair she saw a glimpse of Gemma staring at her from the bottom. Tara gulped and knew that despite what was going on between her and Jax, there was a baby on the way and he did have a right to know that. She turned on her heel, pushed past Opie and barged into Jax's room. She watched with mild satisfaction as he jerked upright in bed and stared at her in shock.

"Tara?" he asked angrily once his shock had worn off enough so he could find his voice.

"I have to talk to you." she said firmly.

"Can't it wait? I'm a bit busy." He snapped as the blonde croweater came back in the room.

"Didn't I tell you to get a beer?" Jax snarled at her.

"Who the fuck is she?" the croweater asked glaring at Tara.

Tara crossed her arms over her chest and kept her eyes trained on Jax.

"Jax, please, it's important." She said hoping that he'd tell the croweater to fuck off so they could talk.

Jax stared at her long and hard before looking over at the croweater who looked angrily at Tara and confused at Jax.

"Tara, this is my new girl, Melody." He said boldly and Tara felt anger curling in her stomach.

"Girl? Me? Really?" the girl said in excitement.

Tara looked back and forth between them. She knew Jax was lying, but the fact he would say that this skank was his girl was beyond hurtful. She knew he wanted to get back at her for leaving him by rubbing in her face how easily he was getting pussy, but knowing that didn't make her feel better. In fact it made her feel worse. Jax was intentionally hurting her.

Jax ignored her and kept his eyes trained on Tara trying to see through the stony façade she had on.

"Fine." Tara said finally backing down and leaving the room. She went back into the hallway and straight into the bathroom to try to calm down. She looked at herself in the mirror and told herself that everything would be ok.

"Get it together, Knowles." She whispered to herself gripping the edges of the bathroom sink and counting down from ten. All she had to do was tell him and then she could leave. She could go back to San Diego and live her life. She just had to do the right thing and tell him. Was it really going to be so hard?

Once she felt calmed down enough she went downstairs just in time to hear that dinner was being served. She sat next to Kyle and Opie and waited for everyone else to sit down. Jax and his croweater sat across from her and she tried to ignore them. Kyle talked to her most of the night about the classes she was taking and she was pretty surprised at him until she felt his hand on her thigh. She frowned at him and moved away subtly enough as to not draw any attention to herself.

She looked around at the group of men she'd known for her entire life and let herself think about what it would be like to raise a kid in this environment. The baby would have no choice, but to join in the club, it's destiny already written out for it. She wouldn't get a say in the parenting because of Gemma and Jax would always be hurting her with the various women he fooled around with. When they were together on and off for the three years he never cheated on her, to her knowledge. But when they broke up he'd slept with as many woman as possible and usually she found out about that. He always said that it meant nothing and she was the only one he wanted and loved. He always told her she was the only one he'd ever love.

She imagined raising a child with all of that as factors. Her and Jax's I-Will-Die-Without-You relationship where they could only be apart for a few hours before needing the other, Gemma's controlling, and the club's violence. Not to mention her alcoholic of a father hitting her when he was drunk and feeling remorseful when he was sober. None of that was how she wanted to raise a kid, but she still had to tell Jax.

After dinner she helped Gemma and the others clean the dishes. When they were done the girls dispersed, but Gemma tugged Tara in the corner to talk with her. Before Gemma could speak though, Jax came barreling into the room.

"We can talk now." He said glaring at Tara.

Tara nodded and glanced over at Gemma who immediately left the kitchen, although she had the sinking suspicion she was right outside the door listened.

The two exes stared at each other neither wanting to be the first to break, but finally Jax spoke.

"Why are you here?" he demanded to know.

Tara smirked slightly, "your mom invited me."

"I meant in Charming."

Tara looked away studying the various pictures on the wall.

"Well, I um wanted to apologize first for how we left things. I think, we both said some things we didn't mean."

"Like you calling me a manwhore?" he snapped.

She sighed and gritted her teeth trying to maintain some semblance of control.

"You are a manwhore." She said instead of the placating she was going to do.

His eyes narrowed, "and you're still a bitch."

"Jax, I didn't come here to fight."

"Then what did you come here for?"

"I told you—"

"Well maybe I don't want your apology. Maybe you leaving was the best thing that happened to me. Now, I fuck whomever I want, I can do whatever I want, and I can go wherever I want without having to think about you. You leaving really opened my eyes, Tara, and I'm glad your gone." He snarled hurtfully. Maybe it was the alcohol speaking or all of his pent up frustration and anger about her leaving, but the words flowed from his mouth without thinking. He wanted to hurt her as badly as she hurt him. He needed to know that she was just as miserable without him as he was without her.

"I don't need you anymore." He added trying to look into her eyes, but failing. Despite wanting to hurt her as badly as he'd been hurting for the last two months, he couldn't stand to see the pain, disappointment, and sadness in her hazel eyes all because of him.

"You want me gone? You want nothing to do with me for the rest of your life? Truly?" Tara whispered putting a hand subconsciously to her stomach.

Jax nodded unable to say 'yes.'

She looked up at the ceiling and tried to blink back her tears. There were so many things she wanted to say to him, but had no idea where to start. Instead she took the easy way out and opted to run back to San Diego.

"Have fun with your croweaters, Jax." She said before turning and walking out of the kitchen.

She thought of their last fight the night before she left for San Diego. She thought of all the hurtful things they yelled at each other and then how they screwed each other's brains out to get rid of the hurt they caused one another. When she woke up the next morning he was gone, a note in his place stating he had club business and to wait for him. Later as her cousin drove her out of Charming and they left her house she watched with tears in her eyes as he came riding up the street and jogged up to the front door as if expecting to see her. As if he expected her to wait for him until he was done with club business. That's how it always went. The club came first and she came second. She wasn't going to do that to their kid too.

After leaving Jax in the kitchen she found Gemma sitting on Clay's lap.

"I wanted to thank you for inviting me. I should go." Tara said smiling down at the matriarch.

"Did you really expect he would wait for you, baby? You didn't wait for him." she stated giving Tara a hard look.

Tara stiffened and shook her head. "No. I guess Jax has moved on and now so will I."

"The next time you come back, baby, you should be ready to fight for what you want." Gemma advised.

Tara nodded and bid her goodbye making a silent promise never to return to Charming as long as she lived. She'd be fine on her own with her baby and her future career as a doctor. Sure, it would take a long time, but it would be worth it in the end.

* * *

**Nine Years Later: Late November**

Tara couldn't believe how cold Chicago was. She was hurrying to her last day of her Residency after dropping of TJ at school.

She couldn't believe how big her baby was getting. He was almost nine and she couldn't believe how much he looked like a mixture of her and Jax. He had dark blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and the same charming smile that Jax had. Although despite his dominant features from his father he was also very similar to her. He was quiet around strangers, very smart, and liked to read a lot. When people got to know him, he was the most charming and charismatic kid, but at times he became very pensive and quiet.

The biggest thing he got from Jax, was his love of bikes. Whenever they saw one on the road or gas station or in movies he went crazy for them. It still amazed her despite the fact he'd never met Jax how similar they were. It really must be nature to make them so similar despite never meeting.

Some days when TJ asked about his dad she felt guilty and sad for depriving him of that, but on the other hand she was glad she could keep her son away from that life and the pain Tara was sure would be caused. The words he last spoke to her still rang in her ears and when she dreamed she still saw his face, but she didn't want to force him into being a dad. Especially with how he was constantly sleeping with women left and right. She did feel guilty about not giving him the choice and sometimes she wondered what would've happened if she had told him, but there was nothing she could do about it now.

She had just reached the hospital when her phone began to ring. She looked down at the caller ID and frowned not recognizing the number, but instantly recognizing the area code.

"Hello." She answered standing outside the hospital doors.

"May I please speak to Ms. Knowles?" an unknown voice said.

"Speaking." She said warily.

"This is Dr. Henry at St. Thomas in Charming California." He said and instantly her breath caught in her throat.

"Yes?" she choked out.

There was a pause on the other end. "I'm afraid I have some bad news." He began.

Tara nodded as Dr. Henry began to tell her how her father had been battling Leukemia for years now as well as a failing liver. None of this was news to her. She had spoken with her father maybe twice a year; once on her birthday and once on his. He'd never met TJ, but they had talked on the phone during the biannual phone call.

"I'm afraid he's dying, Tara, and would like very much for you and your son to come see him." Dr. Henry said quietly.

Tara nodded and tried to sound removed like she did when she delivered bad news to families. Being detached would help in this situation. Before she was even able to fully grasp what she was saying though the words were out before she could stop them. "I'll be there on the next flight out."

She hung up soon after that and turned to go into the hospital. Only when she was doing her rounds a few minutes later did she fully acknowledge the weight of her words. She was returning to Charming. She was going home.

(A/n: So continue or not to continue?)


	2. Chapter 2: How We Are

**Author's Note:** Holy shit! The response for this story was INSANE! Thank you so much for your guys's encouragement! I will definitely continue with the story and I promise I will finish it. I already know what the end will be so that's the first step. I'm thinking it will be between 20-30 chapters. Somewhere around there. Anyway thank you again for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following! You guys are awesome! Seriously incredible. I've never gotten a response to a story like this so it really blew my mind away. Also _Pacspoon_ your question in regards to what TJ stands for in answered in this chapter. It's pretty easy and you guessed right. I hope you guys like the next chapter. More will be soon! Please review!

**Thank you to: Guest, Guest, Jaceyb1, shannie83, Kazziebear, Monica, Guest, .9066, Prettie Parker, Guest, Andrea, Sarah, reapergirl2014, Guest, Mrssilvers, .58, aljbnc, tbodnar08, reads2much1987, .5, Jon Shepard92, Guest, Mm032, Guest, Guest, Tessaturd, JaraSoa2008, jCampbell943, Daliah, tangoline, .14, Samantha Renk, Guest, Megcherie26, Cindy Burick, .1, kanikafultz123, Guest, Emeli Thorne, smerchant32, Guest, Guest, Julzy109, Guest, , GoodGirlGoneBad1984, Guest, Mommajo0811, xshynenstarx, xbeautifulsaddnessx, Cheery Tropay Venturi, Guest, , Guest, Guest, Guest, Guest, Guest, sarasd45, pacspoon, Tina, Skullprincess46, katannc, Guest, DarkAngelKat, &amp; Guest! **

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 2: How We Are**

Jackson Teller was beyond frustrated. His idiot of an ex-wife had overdosed again and he got the phone call from the hospital because he was still listed as her emergency contact.

Before the hospital had called he'd been balls deep in some blonde Asian Pornstar who's name he thought was Irene or something. He was so drunk he could barely see straight and he was pretty sure the blowjob he was getting was one of the worst of his life. He wasn't sure how that was even possible since she was a fucking Pornstar, but that was the truth of it.

Whenever he closed his eyes—which really that was during a majority of the fucking they were doing—he saw Tara. But that was nothing new since he only ever saw Tara when he was with other women.

He thought that getting lost in sex, booze, and pot, would be enough for the memory of Tara to fade away, but there was no escaping what should've been if he hadn't screwed it up.

The endless disconnect had helped initially, kind of, or at least he tried to tell himself it worked. After Tara left his mother and Clay threw women at him and he fucked his way through most of California, Oregon, Washington, and even some of Mexico, but there was no salvation for him. He just wanted Tara, only Tara, and despite the time that had slowly slipped by the ache was still there. The dreams of her were still present, and the love still existed. Nothing he did could erase or ease the ache in his heart and so he focused on the things he could control.

He spent a majority of his time working with the club, running guns, working on cars and bikes. He tried to stay focused and when he wasn't doing all of his club duties or garage ones, he was drinking until he found some girl who was worthy of his interest to fuck for the night. He was lost in an endless circle of meaningless sex and booze and no matter what he did he still hated himself for pushing her away.

When she had come back the two months after she had left he figured that maybe meant she'd come back for good. He had been half-drunk when he said those words to her and when he left the kitchen to go apologize for his asshole behavior his mother had said she had left. He hated himself for hurting her, hated the fact he lied to her face, hated how he shoved the croweater at her so she could feel as hurt as he did. But he did all of that and he hated himself for being such an asshole to her. In his defense he had been hurting since she told him she was leaving. He tried to come to terms with it, but it was impossible to think of not being with Tara.

The three or so months he's spent in jail had been bad enough with only a weekly visit from her, but the thought of her living in San Diego a good five hours away was torture. The first few weeks he barely got out of bed, until Clay and the guys came in to drag him out. Right before she came back Clay had talked him into trying to fuck the pain away and began to throw girls at him.

After she left again he continued to try to fuck the pain away, but that didn't work. He had even tried to find where she was, but her father told him she was better off without him and he didn't know her cousin's last name.

Finally he met Wendy, a girl who was as hurt as he was. He wasn't in love with her, had never been, but she for some reason loved him. The marriage was an accident. They were both beyond wasted and someone—Jax didn't remember who— had gotten ordained so they decided to pretend to get married. Pretend ended up being real and Jax instead of getting an annulment decided that why not stay married to Wendy. Wendy understood that the club came first. Wendy was nothing like Tara and didn't care what he did. But living with Wendy was awful. She was a junkie and blew most of the money on Meth. Finally after six months of marriage he couldn't take it anymore and filed for divorce. That was three months ago.

"I asked you to take me off as your emergency contact." Jax said staring at his haggard looking ex-wife. She had been attractive initially, but drugs and time had deteriorated her skin making her look years older than she was.

"Jax, please, I'm still willing to try." She pleaded.

Jax shook his head angrily. "It's too late, Wendy. Too much shit has happened between us. Just sign the divorce papers so we can move on."

"But I still love you, please let's try again." She cried.

He gritted his teeth. "Wendy, this is your second overdose in as many months. I'm tired of being responsible for you. I was supposed to be your husband, but I'm more of a sponsor now and I'm tired of dealing with this shit."

"Then I'll stop. Please, I swear I'll stop." She begged.

He sighed, "no you won't. Just sign the divorce papers and take me off as your emergency contact because next time I'm not coming."

With that he turned around and left not wanting to continue talking to her. What he really wanted to do was go get some beer and a fat joint so he could go to sleep.

It wasn't late only a little after midnight and the hospital was still bustling as he made his way to the elevator. He pressed the down button his fingers already itching for a cigarette he desperately needed. He was busy reading one of those health signs on the hospital wall when the elevator doors opened and a nurse rolling a sickly looking patient in a wheelchair came out. Jax glanced at the man in the chair and got ready to walk past him when he heard an eerily familiar voice.

"That's the shit head that used to fuck my daughter." The voice said causing Jax to stop with one foot in the elevator and the other in the hall. Jax turned around swiftly and stared down at the man in the wheelchair.

"Cindy, Cindy, that little shit used to fuck my daughter." The man said pointing at Jax again.

Jax's jaw tightened and he glared down at the man several memories of the man in front of him yelling, cussing, and calling his daughter various derogatory names hitting him in full force. He even remembered one memory when Tara came to him after a particularly vicious fight with him sporting a black eye. He'd never felt so much anger in his life at the man in front of him and a sick satisfaction came over him at how sickly Frank Knowles looked.

"It's Cathy, Mr. Knowles and please refrain from swearing." The nurse responded in a bored voice getting ready to push him along the corridor, but Frank put a hand on the wheels of the wheelchair to stop her.

"She was right to leave you." Frank spat and suddenly years of anger towards this man made Jax snap.

"Fuck you, old man. She left you too." Jax snarled stepping fully out of the elevator. He had some things he had to say to this drunkard in front of him. Maybe it was having to deal with Wendy on this late Tuesday evening, or maybe it was because when he had to deal with Frank Knowles he'd been a teenager and was unable to accurately voice what needed to be said. Sure, he had offered to teach Frank a lesson for saying the things he did to Tara and yeah, he'd threatened him several times for hurting Tara, but he'd never said what he truly wanted to say.

"You treated her like shit for years. You called her names, said awful things to her, and hit her and you blamed it all on drinking, but you know what – I think you're a fucking prick for doing that to your daughter. She's a great person who deserved better than a drunk for a father. I hope you die alone." Jax snarled without thinking.

Frank smirked at him, "shows how much you know, you little shit, she's coming home."

Jax blinked wondering if he heard him right. "What did you say?" he asked.

Frank smirked and made a gesture for the nurse to roll on. The nurse gave Jax a sympathetic look and then began to wheel him down the hall. Jax stayed where he was Frank's words ringing in his ears. _She's coming home. She's coming home._ Tara was coming home.

* * *

"So this is where you used to live?" TJ asked looking out the window as they drove through the small Californian town.

Tara nodded absentmindedly her ears perked up for the sound of motorcycles on the road. She knew if anyone saw her son they would immediately know who the father was. He looked like Jax after all, but with only slightly darker hair. Besides he had started going by Thomas now and if the looks didn't give him away the name surely would.

"Yeah till I left at nineteen." She said coming to a stop at a light.

"Why haven't we ever come to visit?" TJ asked curiously turning to sit back in his seat and look at her.

She shrugged trying to be nonchalant about the subject. "Just because…" she said vaguely.

TJ frowned not liking her answer. "Does my dad live here?" he asked bluntly.

She winced slightly, "this town has a lot of history for me, TJ."

Thomas gave her a charming smile that looked spookily like Jax's. "So he does live here and it's Thomas, mom."

"I know what your name is. I named you after all, smarty-pants." She paused taking a left turn onto her old street. She could see her house in the distance with the overgrown lawn.

"And you're too smart for your own good." She added casting a smile at him.

"What's he like?" TJ asked curiously.

"Who?"

"My dad."

Tara sighed heavily coming to a stop in front of her childhood home and pulling into the driveway.

"He's…a lot of different things. I've told you about him before." She said.

"But I want to hear them again. His brother was named Thomas, right?" he asked eagerly.

She nodded only regretting slightly telling him that. He had to do a project on his name and what it meant earlier in the year and when she told him that his father's brother's name was Thomas he decided he wanted to go by Thomas from now on. She was curious to know why he didn't decide to go by his middle name of Jackson, since that was his father's real name. When she had asked TJ told her that he didn't want her to get confused when they finally became a family. Her heart broke a little at that.

Talking about Jax wasn't a rarity in their household or apartment since that's where they were living. TJ constantly asked questions about his father and Tara dutifully answered them. She tried to tell him as much of the truth as she could, but sometimes it was hard. She wanted TJ to know his father, but she was also scared of what would happen when the truth was revealed to Jax and the influence Jax would have over him especially with the club.

"When are we going to see grandpa?" he asked.

"In the morning." Tara said parking the car and grabbing the few bags they brought.

She was lucky that her job at Chicago Presbyterian was willing to give her a few weeks off to say goodbye to her father. She had applied for the job before her residency ended and had just gotten the acceptance a few days earlier. They had agreed to hold her spot until she took care of her father and when she returned she'd have her first doctor job ever.

She led him up the driveway and looked under the welcome mat for the key. She opened the door and walked into the house unsurprised by how little things had changed. She dropped the bags on the couch and began to clean up the cigarette butts, bottles, and take out containers. She opened the windows to air the place out and then went to her old bedroom where only a mattress was. She fixed her old bed up and TJ went searching for some food. When nothing was found she grabbed her purse and gave him chips and a granola bar.

"Nothings open until nine tomorrow." She said sheepishly.

TJ shrugged and bit into the granola bar.

"I told you to eat on the plane." She added and he rolled his eyes.

He ate in silence and walked around looking at the few pictures on the wall. He walked all over the small house before coming to sit by his mother who was on the couch absently watching TV.

"Why aren't there any pictures of you?" he asked cuddling into her side.

She smiled sadly watching the late night talk show that was on. "He was angry that I left." She said knowing that those words were frequent ones on her tongue as she tried to explain things to her son.

"So he took all your pictures down?" he asked looking up at her.

She nodded, "yeah. He didn't talk to me for awhile either. Not until he got sick." She didn't want to add that there weren't that many pictures of her up before.

"How come?"

"I think he doesn't want to die with any regrets." She said truthfully.

"Is that why we're here?"

She nodded, "yeah among other reasons."

"Like what?"

She looked down at him and then back at the TV. She ran a hand through his hair and debated on how to answer.

"Maybe I don't want to die without any regrets either." She said finally.

TJ looked at his mother for a minute waiting for her to go, but when she didn't he finally got off the couch and went to bed leaving Tara alone with her thoughts.

When it was nearing close to three in the morning she begrudgingly made her way to her parents old room. She took the sheets off and remade the bed before falling onto the mattress to fall into a restless sleep.

(A/N: what do you think? Next up is Tara and TJ visit Grandpa Knowles, and run into someone at the hospital.)


	3. Chapter 3: Hospital Visitors

**Author's Note:** Thank you, you guys are amazing! Seriously if you guys didn't give such great feedback I wouldn't be updating as quickly as I am. So I thank you again for reading and reviewing! I also figured this would be the last time I updated until after new years so I wanted to get this up. Jax and Tara will see each other soon, I promise! There are just some things that have to happen first. Have a good New Year everyone, stay safe! And enjoy the chapter! Please review!

**Thank you to: kanikafultz123, india, Guest, Guest, Guest, Guest, tlcdreamer16, Guest, Guest, Guest, anon, Monica, rebeccasmorin1, Samantha Renk, Daliah, scholzjamielynn, saracollier, Megcherie26, , tbodnar08, YouthlNaisa6, Guest, reapergirl2014, debrajoines, Cindy Burick, xshynenstarx, , RhondaL, Guest, GoodGirlGoneBad1984, Sarah, shannie83, Story Junky, Guest, Emeli Thorne, tanyakay, kellytimson1, amralolic58, Ruby &amp; jcampbell943!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 3: Hospital Visitors**

The parking lot at St. Thomas was almost half full when Tara and TJ pulled in. She found a spot easily enough and cut the ignition on the rented car she'd gotten from the airport. It was a standard silver American made car and that morning Tara had seriously considered getting the black sleek Cutlass out, but she didn't have enough time to dig out the car from the overly stuffed garage. Her father had always been a pack rat and it seemed as time progressed that annoyed trait hadn't gone away.

"What do I say when I see him?" TJ asked taking his mom's hand and almost dragging her to the building.

She was surprised by his excitement for seeing her father, but when she stopped to think about it, it actually made sense. This was the first relative besides her cousin he would be meeting. He liked her cousin Jenny well enough, but there was just something about having a grandparent that wasn't replaceable. That was another thing she felt guilty about, but even if she had come to visit her father earlier she seriously doubted he would be as inviting to TJ as he should be.

Her father had always hated her dating Jax and when she finally told him she had given birth to the little shit's child as he so angrily called him Frank Knowles had hit the roof. Her father had called her drunkenly several times when TJ was born to threaten to tell Jax about him being a father. Her father would inform her that Jax had to know and then he'd threaten to kill Jax if he didn't take responsibility for his actions. She never believed him because he hated her and Jax's relationship enough not to add a reason for them to make amends. When they first got together her father had called her a Biker Whore and made derogatory remarks to her about how she was going to end up used and abused by the Sons. He never really stopped, but she started tuning it out.

Combined with the fact that she left him to fend for himself and had a child her father refused to talk to her for awhile, which saddened Tara, but also she finally saw her father for what he really was.

It took a few years of reading self-help books and going to Al-Anon meetings to fully come to terms with how she saw her father. Perhaps having no regrets when he died was one of the ways she could fully acknowledge that he was by far not the best father in the world, but he was her father and she couldn't change that. Seeing him before he passed would help her find closure and after years of feeling both hatred and love for the man who had fathered her she knew she needed this.

That morning they'd stopped in town at a newer looking café and had gotten eggs, bacon, and toast. Tara's head had snapped to the door every time the little bell rang followed by a sigh of relief when she saw that it wasn't any one that she recognized or who would recognize her.

She anticipated knowing absolutely no one in the hospital because why would any of the Sons be in the hospital? She knew that the hospital would be a safe zone and the closer they drove to it the more relaxed she felt.

"What do you want to say to him?" she asked stepping into the hospital. She cringed as the initial smell of cleaning fluids and death hit her.

TJ shrugged, "what do you say to someone who's dying?"

She winced and pulled him to the front desk since she wasn't sure exactly where her father was.

"First, don't bring up he's dying and secondly…just tell him about yourself." She said before turning to the nurse and asking her where Frank Knowles was.

The nurse chirped an answer to her and Tara led them to the elevators up to the fourth floor.

"What should I call him?" TJ asked curiously as they stepped into the elevator.

Tara paused wondering what her father would prefer. She had stopped calling him dad long along and began to refer to him as Frank.

"Call him Frank for now." Tara advised.

Once they got there they went to her father's room and lightly knocked on the door. She heard a grunt on the other side of the door and assumed that was her father's way of saying 'come in.' She pushed the door further open and walked into the room.

Her father lay on the bed a sheet pulled up to his chest and a hospital gown covering the rest of him. His once thick brown hair was non-existent and now he was bald. His vibrant green eyes now dull and glassy. He looked frail in the hospital bed, but the same angry expression that seemed to never leave his face was still there.

TJ's hand tightened in hers and she wondered for the first time since taking the phone call whether bringing TJ with her was the right thing to do. Granted, she didn't have a lot of friends and had no idea who would watch him if she did go away. She wasn't one hundred percent sure she trusted anyone enough to watching him.

"Tara." Frank greeted.

"Frank." Tara said her voice sounding detached to her own ears. She was surprised at the little amount of emotions she felt at seeing her father dying in a hospital bed. She had braced herself for seeing her father so sickly like the patients she helped, but she hadn't readied herself for the lack of sadness she felt. She wished that she felt more, but the words he'd snarled at her throughout her youth still rang in her ears every now and again. The word whore cutting deeper than it ever should. She felt guilty for not feeling sadder at seeing her ailing father, but she figured that too much stuff had happened between them to make her fully able to feel what she should for seeing her parent die.

When her mother had died, despite being very small she felt extremely sad. There were some days when she missed her mother so much she ached and despite how much time had passed that ache didn't go away. Her father on the other hand she wondered if she'd even cry at his funeral.

"Thomas, this is Frank, my father." Tara said wrapping an arm around his thin shoulders and pushing him slightly closer.

TJ stumbled forward and then reached a hand out to shake, just like his mother had taught him.

Frank reached over and instead of shaking TJ's hand he wrapped an arm around TJ and brought him into a hug. Tara watched with forlorn eyes as her father embraced his grandson for the first time. When they separated Frank patted the bed beside him and TJ hesitantly sat on the bed next to him. Tara pulled the hospital chair up beside the bed and gave her father a weary smile.

"How are you feeling?" Tara asked for lack of anything else to say.

"I'm dying, how do you think I feel?" Frank snapped.

Tara gritted her teeth already foreseeing the next few weeks as unbearable because of her father's abrasive behavior.

"So how old are you, son?" Frank asked ignoring his daughter and turning to TJ.

"I'll be nine at the end of January." TJ said charmingly.

"Nine, you say? Well that's exciting! Are you going to have a big party?" Frank asked smiling slightly down at the boy.

TJ shrugged and looked over at his mother. "Maybe."

"Do you have a lot of friends?"

TJ nodded, "yeah, I guess."

"You're a big talker, just like your mother aren't you." Frank said sighing heavily and looking over at Tara.

"You know when she was little she barely talked. We wondered if there was something wrong with her she talked so little. As she grew up though sometimes she wouldn't shut the hell up." Frank said smirking.

TJ raised an eyebrow at his mother and she had to bit her lip in amazement at the incredulous look he was giving her. The look she'd seen several times on Jax's face when she said something ridiculous or suggested they do something he'd never in a million years think she'd want to do. Like the time they had sex in one of the bars they'd snuck into in Lodi.

"Let's try not to swear around the nine year old, dad, please." Tara said giving him a meaningful look not even realizing she'd referred to Frank as her father.

Frank rolled his eyes, "he's going to be a man soon, Tara, he'll be swearing up a storm if he's anything like that little shit."

Tara's hands tightened on the chair not liking the direction of the topic that was just brought up. Especially because she knew her son's next question.

"Who's the little shit?" TJ asked making his mother sigh heavily and run a tired hand through her hair.

"Jackson Teller." Frank bit out the name.

TJ smirked not in the least deterred by Frank's obvious dislike of his father.

"Why don't you like him?" TJ asked curiously.

Frank huffed, "what's there to like? He's an arrogant little shit that walks around this town like he owns it. He has no sense and thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread! His mother is a control freak and his step-father is running that club into the ground! When I was younger and his father JT was the president, the club actually meant something! I was even asked to pledge, by an old friend." Frank said proudly making Tara roll her eyes since she had heard this story a number of times.

"Tara's mother, your grandmother was against it though so I didn't take Piney up on his suggestion. Piney is the last good member of that club and his son, Opie was a great fellow it's a shame what happened to him." Frank said quietly.

Tara frowned, "what happened to Opie?"

"Jail time. Five years." Frank said shaking his head.

Tara's frown deepened as her mind went to her old friend. Opie had always been kind to her even after Jax and her had broken up. She remembered seeing him that fateful Thanksgiving day and the sympathy in his eyes. Opie was a good man and she wished he had done more with his life rather than get caught up with the club followed by ending up in jail. But then again she wished the same for Jax too and look how well that turned out.

She wondered if he was still with Donna and if they were how Donna felt about her husband going to jail. She made a mental note to look up Donna who had become her friend because of how much time the four of them had spent together. Donna and her had kept in touch for the first year or two, but after some time life just got in the way.

"Why's he in jail?" TJ asked curiously. "And is JT, my other grandfather?" he added curiously.

"Adult things." Frank said gruffly. "Yes, JT is your other grandfather, but he's dead now. Tragic accident." Frank said shaking his head.

Tara watched the two go back and forth. She sat quietly in the corner watching them talk with one another. She felt nostalgic for her youth and missed the people he talked about. She had known most of the club members for most of her life since her father had gone to the parties frequently and then later on she met them through Jax. She knew the club had grown and changed, but as her father continued on she realized how much. She enjoyed hearing what had happened in the years apart until TJ asked the one question she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear the answer to.

"What does my dad do?" TJ asked making Tara grimace at the question.

The question made Frank hesitate, which made the bundle of knots that had been in Tara's stomach since stepping foot in Charming triple in size.

"Don't you want to hear more about JT? Or even Piney and Opie? Piney's been my friend for—"

"You already told me all about Opie, JT, Piney, Gemma, and Thomas, but I want to hear about Jackson." TJ said determinedly. Then he looked up at his grandfather with the famous Teller smile and big blue eyes. Tara knew her father was a goner at that look because everyone else was too.

"Well…uh…he's…he's the VP." Frank stuttered and Tara's heart began to sink more.

"And he's married." Frank said finally and Tara swore her heart stopped for a split second before starting up again. She realized after a minute that both her father and her son were looking at her and she gave them a tentative smile.

"What?" she asked forcing the smile to stay on her face.

Her father's eyes narrowed at her and she noticed him searching her face. When she looked over at TJ he was giving her the same look Jax did when he was waited for her to freak out over something.

"TJ, baby, are you hungry?" she asked suddenly very much needing to get out of the hospital room.

TJ lit up and nodded, "yes, but mom, remember its Thomas now." He said giving her a pointed look.

She rolled her eyes and looked at her father, "do you want anything, dad?"

Frank nodded and she wrote down his order before kissing her son on the forehead and making her way out of the room. Once she was out of the room she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes reminding herself to take deep breathes. The image of Jax curled around another woman made her feel sick, but the information that he was married was a hundred times worse. She put a hand to her stomach and tried to regulate her breathing knowing she was getting weird looks from the nurses walking by. She bit the inside of her cheek to concentrate on the pain instead of the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes.

"Mom I forgot – are you ok?" TJ asked worriedly seeing his mother leaning against the wall with a glazed over expression on her face.

She put a hand to her eyes and wiped the unshed tears away. "Of course, baby, what did you need?"

He narrowed his eyes at her, "extra pickles." He said begrudgingly.

She nodded, "as if I would forget."

She leaned down and kissed him on the forehead, "go back in and talk to grandpa. I'll be back soon."

TJ gave her one last look before going back into the room somewhat reluctantly.

Once he was gone Tara turned and headed to the stairs trying to shake the anger and sadness at learning what Jax had been up to in the last nine years.

She went to the closest diner and ordered lunch for the three of them. She would normally get food from the cafeteria, but after working long shifts at her own hospital she only ate hospital food when she had to. After getting the food she made her way back to the hospital. She was so focused on trying to school her features for when she entered the hospital room she didn't hear the high pitched voice calling her name.

"Tara Knowles! Holy Shit! Is that Tara Knowles?"

Tara froze recognizing the voice immediately. She slowly turned around and looked at the curvaceous image of Luann Delaney trotting towards her in five-inch heels. A skinny blonde was limping behind her a tissue held to her nose.

"Oh my God! I haven't seen you in years! How are you?" Luann gushed reaching her and hugging the surprised brunette.

Tara looked over her shoulder at the blonde girl behind her who had a pinched look on her face. Tara wondered if that was because of the bloody tissue held to her nose or if that was just how she looked.

"I'm well. How are you?" Tara asked trying to maintain a calm she didn't feel. She looked over the skinny blonde's shoulder wondering if Gemma was going to pop out too. Usually where Luann was Gemma was as well. That's the only way she knew Luanne. That and the time that Luanne had tried to get Tara to do a porno since she was down one girl. Tara had seen Luann at various Sons' events and at the Teller residence. Luann had always been friendly towards Tara and had been one of the few people to tell her to go for her dreams since you only lived once. Tara had respected that and since getting Luann's advice had tried to do just that, although now that she saw her the only thing she could concentrate on was Luann telling Gemma that she was in town. Luann couldn't keep gossip from Gemma, it was physically impossible for her to do so.

"Fantastic. My girl Ima, here had a little work related accident. Do you know whom the best doctor is to see? We can't have her pretty face getting fucked up, you know. That wouldn't be good for the film." Luann gushed smiling at Tara.

"Oh, I actually don't work here. I'm just visiting." Tara said awkwardly.

"Oh. Yeah, I heard about your dad. How's he doing?" Luanne asked sheepishly.

"He's dying." Tara said bluntly not surprised to hear the two blondes gasp in horror.

"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry! Is there anything we can do? Maybe we can have a party? Or I could get the boys to come down and visit him! That would be nice, right?" Luann said and then turned to Ima.

"Or Ima, maybe you can put a show on for him? Be the last pussy he gets before he goes." Luann said sympathetically.

Tara grimaced and shook her head, "that's fine, Luann. Thanks for the offer."

Luann nodded, "well at least come visit Gemma and the boys! I know they would love to see you. Especially Jax."

Luann winked at her, but Tara didn't miss the annoyed look Ima cast at her.

"Right." Tara said quietly and then held up her take out bags.

"Well I would love to stay and chat, but I should…" she trailed off shaking the bags a bit.

Luann nodded, "well it was great seeing you! Please, think about visiting! I mean, once your dad's gone you don't really have a reason to come back. You are a doctor, right? You accomplished your dreams?"

Tara smiled for the first time in awhile it felt genuine. "Yeah, I did. I'm starting my first official doctor job in Chicago." She said happily.

Luann reached forward and hugged her. "Congrats!" she gushed and then glanced at Ima who looked even more annoyed than before.

"Please come visit. I'm sure everyone will want to hear about all you've done! Anyway, I should take her to emergency care. She had a little accident with another girl and some dildos." Luann said making an uncomfortable face.

Tara nodded waving them away as they turned to continue to the front desk to fill out paper work. Before she turned away and headed to the elevator she heard Ima ask, "_That's_ Jax's great doctor love? She doesn't look his type."

Tara smiled to herself and headed back to the elevators to feed her son and father. She tried to ignore the dread in her stomach that seeing Luann brought on since she knew that the rest of the club would soon follow. She knew she should find Jax first at the very least and explain to him about TJ before he heard it from someone else, but that didn't necessarily mean she wanted to.

(A/n: Please review! More will be soon after the new years!)


	4. Chapter 4: Home Sweet Home

**Author;s Note:** I hope everyone had a good and safe new years! i havent slept much in 2015, but it's been good so far. Especially because I have a new chapter for you guys! So things are heating up! Also I know close to nothing about bikes so all bike talk is from I've gathered from the internet and looking up the show's bikes. So i apologize if it's not right. I hope you like the chapter! Please review!

**Thank you to:Chuckysma, Guest, sarah232smiles, rarah228, minimoon16, Monica, Jessica, Runing-Wild22(X2!), shaniatasmanx, beelzeebub, Mm032, KJ0060203, Guest, BooknerdGuest, Mrssilvers, Cindy Burick, cejsmom, Mrscrammer84, Samantha Renk, Jcampbell943, Megcherie26, Tessaturd, kellytimson1, beachgirl29, irihapeti96, traceyklewis, kanikafultz123, Emeli Thorne, cec0020, Siansmom, saracollier, xshynenstarx, GoodGirlGoneBad12984, Guest, JaraSoa2008, Guest, pacspoon, scholzjamielynn, &amp; shannie83!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 4 Home Sweet Home  
**

"Guess who I saw today at the hospital!" Luann gushed coming into the house with some bags from the grocery story.

Tonight was family dinner and Gemma had been in such a rush all day that she had forgotten a majority of the ingredients for the meal she was making. When Luann called to ask if she needed her to grab anything on her way from the hospital Gemma immediately took her up on the offer.

"Who?" Gemma asked snatching the bags from Luann's hands and sifting through the contents to make sure everything was there.

"Tara Knowles." Luann said smirking as she watched Gemma freeze mid-search and slowly turn to her.

"Tara Knowles?" Gemma asked in astonishment.

Luann nodded a smug look on her face. "And she's a doctor." She added proud that the daughter of the town drunk had come so far.

"Well I'll be damned. Is she working at St. Thomas?" Gemma asked. She wondered how Tara could sneak past her radar if she had gotten a job at St. Thomas. Since SAMCRO had informants everywhere Gemma would've known if Tara had gotten a job back in town, but Tara was always too smart for her own good.

"No. Just visiting." Luann said.

"Oh right. Frank." Gemma said shaking her head at the thought of the elder male Knowles.

"Do you think she'll be here long?" Gemma asked curiously.

Luann shrugged, "Could be. I'm not sure. I got the impression she was staying since he was…you know."

Gemma nodded, "She's a strong one, I'll give her that. If my father treated me half the way Frank treated that girl no way in hell would I come back to see him before he died. I'd handle it from some where nice and far away."

Luann made a sound of agreement and strolled over to the stove to see what was cooking.

"Are you going to tell Jax?" Luann asked curiously as she reached for the spoon to taste what Gemma was making.

Gemma snorted. "Tell him, what exactly? That his ex who broke his heart came back to see her dying old man? That she's going to leave again in who knows how little time? No, I'm not saying anything. It's a good thing that girl left when she did otherwise Jax wouldn't be so focused on the club." Gemma said haughtily.

Luann frowned, "don't you think you should at least tell him? Give him a chance to apologize to her."

"Tell who what?" Jax asked coming into the kitchen to see what his mother was cooking. He leaned over, hugged, and kissed his mom before nodding to Luann who looked uncomfortably over at Gemma.

"How are you, baby?" Gemma asked shooting a glare at Luann before turning back to her son.

Jax shrugged and leaned against the counter, "good."

"How're things with the club?"

"Fine."

"And Wendy? Has she moved out yet?"

Jax frowned, "no, but she swore she'd be out by the end of the week."

Gemma nodded and tried to ignore Luann's eyes boring into her. "So Luann saw someone at the hospital today." Gemma started reluctantly knowing that if she didn't tell him Luann would never let her live it down.

Gemma watched as Jax straightened up and stared at her hard waiting for her to continue.

"Luann, how about you tell him?" Gemma said after a minute.

Luann cleared her throat, "Jax, I saw Tara."

The two women watched as Jax blinked once, then twice. His face was unresponsive and if Gemma wasn't his mother she wouldn't said he didn't even care that the brunette girl who'd broken his heart at nineteen was back after nine years. But she was his mother and she noticed how stiff he became and how his hands tightened on the countertop. His casual lean was no longer casual, but rigid and his blue eyes were narrowed to hard blue icicles that could easily cut deep.

"Ok." He said after a long minute and then without another word he turned around and left the house.

Gemma stared after him for a minute wondering if he was really going to go to the hospital. When she heard the front door slam she sighed heavily and turned to look at Luann.

"I told you there was no use in telling him." She said turning back to the bags and then making a frustrated sound.

"You forgot the Oregano, Luann. Just…I'll do it. Keep stirring and when it comes to a boil put the pot on low. Take the chicken out of the oven in ten minutes and don't burn anything." Gemma snapped before grabbing her purse and leaving the house mumbling about blondes as she went.

* * *

After leaving the house Jax got on his bike and rode across town to the hospital. His mind was racing a mile a minute on how to approach Tara. He wanted to barge into the hospital, find her, and talk to her until he was blue in the face and she took him back. He knew begging a woman to take you back was a pussy way to do shit, but the things he had said to her…he needed to beg her for forgiveness.

That day he's said such nasty things to her haunted him sometimes especially the words he said and the pain in her eyes. Sometimes he'd wake up in a cold sweat after having yet another dream about it. There was no doubt that he loved her, but the way he treated her towards the end wasn't any way he should've treated her. He had lived without her for two long and now that she was back in town maybe this was his second chance. Maybe this was a sign that he had a second chance to change the past. The first thing he knew was that he had to see her, talk to her. He wondered if she changed a lot or a little. He wondered if she kept her hair long or cut it short. He wondered if her ass still looked absolutely delicious in a pair of cutoffs. He wondered if she still laughed the same, talked the same, and blushed the same. He was so caught up in his thoughts about her that when he arrived at the hospital he froze.

He parked his bike out front and sat on it for a minute not knowing what to do. Should he go inside and find her dad, but after seeing him the last time he had no desire to talk to her dad. Should he wait outside the room? No that was creepy. Should he just wander the hallways until they ran into each other therefore he could make it look like an accident. Again that was weird so Jax nixed the idea.

He sat on his bike debating the least creepy, stalkerish, coincidental way he could run into her, but nothing came to mind. Every way he tried to spin it, the situation was still the same. He was going to come off as desperate, creepy, or stalkerish and Jax wasn't any of those things, especially when it came to a girl. But this wasn't just any girl, this was Tara.

The woman he loved even after nine years, his feelings had not changed. He felt like his nervous sixteen year old self again when he had asked her out for the first time and she had turned him down.

After sitting on the bike for almost ten minutes he got off of it and lit up a cigarette deciding that the best thing to do would be to just wait outside the hospital and smoke cigarettes. It was nonchalant and easily explainable. It was the best case scenario. So he sat and wondered how long he was going to have to wait until she came out of the hospital doors. He would wait all night if he had to, but the longer he sat on the bench the more anxious he became.

Suddenly the hospital doors wooshed open and a boy of about eight or nine walked out. He was wearing a black t-shirt and jeans with white tennis shoes. He had dark blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and a smile playing on his lips. He looked over his shoulder and rolled his eyes at whatever he saw. Then he searched the parking lot and his eyes brightened when they landed on the motorcycle parked near Jax. The kid's eyes widened the longer he looked at it and Jax swore he saw the kid drool a little.

"You like bikes?" Jax asked unable to help himself. He was sure he'd worn the same expression when he was the kid's age and he saw his dad's motorcycle.

"Yeah." The kid said quietly.

Jax smirked and continued smoking his cigarette. He was about to turn away and continue staring at the doors when the kid tentatively walked over.

"It's a 2003 Dyna Super Glide Sport, right?" the kid asked standing beside the bench and staring at Jax.

Jax grinned and nodded, "you're good. What's your favorite type?"

The kid smirked, "Harley-Davidson, obviously. I want the Dyna Street Bob for my 16th birthday."

"I had a Dyna Super Glide when I was that age. My girl and I used to ride everywhere on that thing. It's a good bike."

The kid nodded and his gaze went back to the shiny metal vehicle.

"Have you ever been on one?" Jax asked curiously. He used to ride everywhere when he was that age with JT.

The kid shook his head.

"Do you parents own bikes?" Jax asked.

The kid shook his head again.

"Where are your parents?" Jax asked realizing that maybe a kid his age shouldn't be alone outside a hospital talking to a stranger. Jax looked around not seeing anyone who looked to be missing a kid.

"It's just my mom and I." the kid said simply looking away from Jax and back at the bike.

"Oh." Jax said uncomfortably. He began to wonder if he should take the kid inside to security so they could find his mom, but Jax also didn't want to move from his spot in case he missed Tara.

"Did he die?" Jax asked gently knowing what it felt like to lose a parent and they were outside a hospital after all.

The kid smiled slightly and tore his gaze from the bike. "No, I never met him." He said with a shrug.

Jax opened his mouth to reply when a buzzing came from the pre-paid phone in his pocket. He tossed the kid an apologetic look, feeling for some reason as if he should be sorry for answering his phone. He flipped the phone open and Clay's voice filled his ears. After a few snappy commands Jax sighed angrily and hung up.

"I gotta go, kid, but before I do, do you want me to take you inside to find your mom?" Jax asked uncomfortable about leaving the kid outside by himself.

The kid smirked, "my mom's inside signing some paperwork. I got bored. She should be right now."

Jax looked at him uneasily and the kid rolled his eyes and gave him an exasperated look. Jax frowned recognizing the look from somewhere, but not able to pinpoint who had given him that look before.

"Well, how about you go inside and wait for her. I think it would be safer." Jax said getting off the bench.

The kid scowled, "whatever."

Jax watched the kid turn around and go back inside. He had the sudden urge to call out to the kid and apologize heavily disliking the annoyed look he had given him. Jax wanted to right it, but he was also glad he was going inside because for some reason he felt protective over the mystery kid. He frowned wondering why he felt like he did and then he brushed it off not wanting to think about it anymore. Once he was sure the kid was inside Jax jumped on his bike and drove over to the club house already angry that Clay had called him away from Tara. He promised himself that later he would go over to her old house and at least try to talk to her. Desperation be damned he really wanted to see Tara.

* * *

Tara finished signing the paperwork for her father and was surprised to find TJ sitting beside her with a pensive look on his face.

"What's that look for?" Tara asked double-checking the paperwork to make sure everything was in order. They had been nagging her all day to sign the papers and finally after lunch she did, except it took longer than she thought and TJ went outside to explore. She was surprised to see that he had come back inside so quickly after going outside.

TJ shrugged, "are you done?"

Tara nodded and they got up to turn the paperwork in. The nurse took it without looking it over and Tara and TJ left the hospital.

"What are we eating for dinner?" TJ asked looking over to the spot where the motorcycle had been a mere ten minutes earlier.

"I was thinking we'd go to the grocery store and pick up some things so I could cook." She said absentmindedly as she fished through her purse for her keys.

They got into the car and drove over to the grocery store. Tara got a cart and she began to push through the aisles as TJ grabbed various things to ask if he could get them. She told him no each time, but he wasn't deterred and kept disappearing and coming back with something else.

"No." she said while looking between the different sauces for spaghetti. She didn't even have to turn to see that TJ was holding a box of Lucky Charms and a pout on his face.

"Please, mom! It's just cereal!" he whined.

"And do you know how much of that is actually cereal? Do you know that there are ingredients in Lucky Charms that are also in cleaning fluids." She said looking own at him and giving him a pointed look.

TJ scowled and stomped back to the aisle to put the cereal back. Tara sighed heavily and turned back to the sauce to see, which one she wanted. After grabbing the sauce she turned down the aisle to the spices and she headed towards the Oregano. She froze at the mouth of the aisle seeing a familiar brunette female with blonde streaks in her hair looking right at her. Tara stared at Gemma Teller-Morrow neither of them moving or knowing exactly what to do.

"Well, well, well, look at you all grown up." Gemma said sauntering towards Tara in her high heeled shoes.

Tara stood her ground refusing to back down. She looked her square in the eye and clenched her teeth attempting to keep her face indifferent.

"Gemma." Tara greeted.

"What? No hug." Gemma said stopping in front of Tara.

The two women stared at each other and then ever so tentatively they gave each other a loose, stiff hug, neither taking the eyes off each other.

"You look good." Tara said pulling away first.

"Thanks." Gemma said smirking.

"Luann told you I was in town?" Tara guessed.

"Maybe." Gemma returned.

Tara nodded and smiled slightly. "I—" she began, but was cut off my Gemma raising a hand to silence her.

"I want to say, I'm sorry about your father." Gemma said quietly her eyes softening.

Tara nodded, "thanks."

"How long are you in town for?"

Tara shrugged, "I'm not sure. I have leave from the hospital so we're playing it by ear."

"How nice of them."

"I did a lot while I was a resident there. They kinda wanted to keep me so they offered me a pretty good deal. Then Frank called and well…they still wanted me so…" she rambled and then trailed off.

"I see, well welcome home, baby." Gemma said.

Tara smiled, "thanks."

"So—" Gemma began, but broke off something over Tara's shoulder catching her eye. Without even having to turn around Tara could tell by one look at Gemma's face whom it was.

"Mom, can I get this?" TJ asked walking up to his mom and pulling on her arm to get her attention.

Tara bit her lip watching Gemma blanch and then turned to TJ.

He was holding a box of Reese's Puffs and she sighed heavily putting her thumb and forefinger to the bridge of her nose.

"Baby, you can go pick out a box of cookies and that's it." She said calmly even though everything in her was anything, but calm. She knew though to talk to Gemma accurately she was going to have to get rid of TJ. She didn't want him hearing this conversation.

"He looks exactly like Jax." Gemma mumbled before turning to her and giving her a dark look.

"Yeah." Tara said standing up straighter.

Gemma stared at her searching her face. "He's Jackson's isn't he?"

Tara nodded.

"Why didn't you tell him?" Gemma asked her voice hardening so quickly that if Tara hadn't known her for years it would've made her head spin.

"I tried…that Thanksgiving I came back I was going to and then…well I tried and he told me what he thought of me so I said fuck it. And I raised him myself. I don't need anyone else's help." Tara said boldly.

Gemma shook her head. "You always were too stubborn for your own good."

Tara glared at that, "he's a good kid."

"I never said he wasn't."

"Are you going to tell Jax?"

Gemma laughed and shook her head adamantly. "Hell no. I am not getting in the middle of you two."

"That's funny." Tara said rolling her eyes.

Gemma's eyes narrowed at her. "You know he's going to be angry as hell that you kept this from him."

"Maybe, but I did try to tell him. You heard what he said to me."

"You broke his heart! He could barely get out of bed for a month after you left. He was hurting and when you came back…it was a bad time. He was angry and he said some things I think we both know he didn't mean. He's been suffering for it for years now." Gemma said angrily.

Tara laughed a hollow sound in the grocery store. "What about him getting married? Was that another way he was suffering?"

Gemma rolled her eyes, "marrying that woman was suffering enough. Wendy and him are getting divorced anyway."

Tara felt her heart flutter at that information, but ignore it anyway.

"You listen here, baby, I've had to watch my son hurt because you left and now I'm going to have to watch it all over again because you had a baby and didn't tell him. I get that you were angry, but he was hurting and both of what you two did wasn't right. But now you have a third life in the balance and it's a child so you better get your shit together and do this the right way. That kid deserves two parents and a family that loves him. You've kept that from him for his whole life at least show him where his roots are." Gemma said passionately.

Tara scowled at her. "You think I should've ignore his little speech and just told him? I was hurting too, Gemma. I felt bad about how I left, but how can you really expect me to give up my dreams to become someone's Old Lady. I wanted to be a doctor! I wanted to do some good! I'm not ashamed for going to medical school and becoming a doctor, just like I'm not ashamed for giving my son a good life." Tara took a deep breath and continued on. "But you are right, TJ does deserve a life with both of his parents and one of the reasons I came back was to give him that." she added quietly.

Gemma nodded, "good. That's good."

The two women stared at each other until TJ came over with a box of baked cookies from the bakery.

"I got chocolate chip." He announced putting them in the cart and then looking over at Gemma.

"Thomas, baby, this is Gemma. She's an old…friend." Tara said noticing Gemma's eyes becoming shiny.

TJ smiled charmingly. "Hi."

Gemma nodded feeling choked up at the grandson she never knew she had in front of her. "Hello."

Gemma stared down at TJ taking in all of the similarities he had with Jax. She quietly assessed him and she felt angry and sad for not having met him sooner. She wanted to blame Tara, but she also heard what Jax had said to her and didn't blame the girl for leaving. After all only hours ago Gemma had been glad that Tara had left so Jax could focus more on the club. Suddenly she snapped back and blinked the unshed tears away rapidly.

"You should come to family dinner tonight." Gemma said abruptly.

Tara's eyes widened and shook her head. "No I don't—"

"Yes. I insist." Gemma said her eyes still on TJ.

"Gemma—"

"Tara, please, you're family it's family dinner. You do the math, baby. You know where the house is. It starts at 7." She said and then bent down and hugged the little boy awkwardly before strutting out of the aisle leaving Tara glaring after her.

(A/n: what do you guys think? Next up is: Does Tara come to family dinner or not?)


	5. Chapter 5: How We Lost Ourselves

**Author's Note:** So I got a lot of mixed messages about what people wanted to happen, to the point where even I didn't know what I wanted to happen so I needed some time to brainstorm. I think you guys will all be happy with this path I'm leading them down. THANK YOU everyone for reading and reviewing the story! i can't believe how much feedback I've gotten so I thank you! You guys are incredible! and I really appreciate the feedback! I hope you guys are having a good new year, I've already broken all my resolutions so we'll see how the rest of the year goes. I hope you guys like this chapter, I had a hard time figuring out what to do, so we'll see how it goes. Please review!

**Thank you to: TheFandomLounge, shaniatasmanx, Guest, Guest, Becky, Sarah (x2!), Guest, Amy, Kazziebear, Daliah, NaeNae78, xshynenstarx, SamathaMarie0930, Jaceyb1, irihapeti96, Guest, Saracollier, Chuckysma, Guest, Tinaedsall, Tina, ce0020, india, Running-Wild22, Guest, pacspoon, Siansmom, Guest, KJ0060203, RhondaL(X3!), xbeautifulsaddnessx, GoodGirlGoneBad1984, Megcherie26, Mrs. Glorfindel, TessaTurd, kanikafultz123, Hollywoodlove09, melaniebundiz, Cindy Burick, Guest, Monica, JennAy9110, Mrscramer84, cejsmom, Guest, amralolic58, Guest, Jessica, Rome, Guest, kellytimson1, Guest, mjreadings, amberdevinbryson, Mrssilvers, Emeli Thorne, Jcampbell943 &amp; beachgirl29!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 5 How We Lost Ourselves**

The minute the club duties were finished Jax headed straight over to Tara's. He had a good two hours before family dinner was supposed to start and Jax wanted to take advantage of it, especially because the club had pulled him away before when he was waiting outside the hospital for her. He was eager to see her and wanted to go over there as quickly as possible.

Maybe part of him was anxious that she would be leaving without taking the time to see him. Maybe he was afraid of never catching a glimpse of her again. Or maybe he just really wanted to make sure she was in Charming and not just a vicious rumor to mock him.

Whatever the reason was, he was going to go over there because he had this dying urge inside of him to see her. He hadn't seen her in nine years and since finding out she was coming to town, then finally in town, the need to see her had grown tenfold within the last few days.

He tried to play off his eager behavior before he headed over to the house knowing that he probably looked like a whipped pussy, but he knew that wasn't happening. He was excited to see her and tell her all the things he'd wanted to tell her for years.

He envisioned she'd open the door to him and they'd talk, she'd see that he still loved and cared for her, and then they'd make passionate love until the sun came up when he asked her to be his Old Lady and stay in Charming. Of course, she'd say yes, and they'd be together for the rest of their lives, like they were meant to be.

When he arrived he knocked on the door, but no one answered. He checked in the garage window and saw that the Cutlass was in there buried under boxes. Confused, he decided to sit on the porch and wait for her not knowing what else to do. He wanted to see her, but it wasn't like he could call her phone and ask where she was.

As he sat there he thought about every time he had sat on her steps and waited for her, which was a lot more than he'd ever admit. He remembered a party she had refused to go to and he had drunkenly shown up at her house late one night and banging on the door for her to let him in. He ended up sleeping on the porch and her dad woke him up with a kick to his back and a threat.

He had only been there for maybe a little less than a half hour when a silver car pulled in the driveway. He looked through the window and immediately recognized Tara in the driver's seat a surprised look on her face. She parked the car and got out staring at him with a dazed look on her face.

He took her in amazed that she was standing in front of him after all of this time. She was wearing a dark blue tank top paired with a pair of washed out jeans, that he was sure showed off her nice assets. A light black jacket was over her top to protect from the cold and her brown hair was thrown up in a messy bun. Her hazel eyes were trained on him showing the same amazement that he felt. It was incredible how she stood before him, nothing had changed, and yet everything had. She was so amazing to look at, the most beautiful women in the world to him and that was saying something since he was surrounded by a lot of women.

He stood up and stomped out the cigarette he'd been smoking. He was just about to advance towards her when the backseat door opened and a kid he quickly recognized as the one from the hospital stepped out.

"What are you doing here, Jackson?" Tara asked quietly drawing his eyes away from the kid behind her and towards her uneasy expression.

"I heard you were in town." He said dumbly his eyes going back to the kid. He wasn't sure what to think of a kid stepping out of the back of Tara's car. Mostly he felt shocked and lacked forming words. It was like his brain had stopped working the moment he laid eyes on the kid and the first thing he wondered was how old he kid was, and the second was how similar the facial expressions on both of their faces were. The dots were not connecting, even though they should be.

"So?" Tara snapped bringing his attention back to her.

Jax scowled, "what do you mean, so? I wanted to see you! I came over after Church and waited till you got home. Where have you been?"

Tara raised an eyebrow at his question taken aback by the fact that he was demanding to know where she had been. Before she could speak though, TJ beat her to it.

"You go to Church?" TJ asked snorting.

Jax looked back and forth between them trying to fit the puzzle pieces together, but his usually smart mind wasn't getting it. Who was the kid? Was Tara married or something? Had she moved on without him? But then he remembered that the kid had said he didn't know who his father was… An icy feeling in his stomach began to form, but he refused to connect the dots still.

"What the hell is going on? Who is this kid? And why weren't you watching him at the hospital?" Jax snarled quickly losing himself to the anger he felt instead of wanting to talk to her calmly like he had planned to do since Tara's dad told him that she was coming back to Charming.

"Back up. First of all, how about we go inside? Secondly, what are you talking about? And third, why the fuck are you jumping down my throat when you haven't seen me in nine years? Shouldn't you be at home with your wife?" She said trying to remain calm.

Jax narrowed his eyes at her and was about to retort when Tara turned around and went to the back of the car. She opened the trunk and began to unload the groceries. She handed the keys to TJ who grabbed a few bags and then went around Jax to get to the doorway so they could begin to take the groceries inside. Jax watched them for a minute not knowing what to do. First they were screaming at each other and now she was taking the groceries from her trunk as if this was all normal.

"Are you just going to stand and watch me?" she snapped.

Jax smirked, "well you do look good in those jeans."

TJ made a disgusted sound and grabbed the last grocery bag before going inside. Tara locked the car up and followed him. Right as she was about to close the door she noticed Jax was still outside staring at her.

"Are you coming in or not?" she asked.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Jax asked resentfully.

She rolled her eyes and opened the door further. Jax walked up the porch and into the house.

The memories hit him hard in the chest and he thought of all the times they had spent in her house doing all types of things. He stared at the unchanged living room thinking of how many times they had ended up on the couch making out while watching a movie. He looked over at the kitchen and remembered the times she'd made dinner, lunch, or breakfast for him. He wondered if she was still a good cook or had gotten better with time.

He sat on the couch not knowing what else to do as Tara began to put away the groceries. TJ helped her and he heard them talking softly in the kitchen, but he couldn't fully make out the words. Eventually TJ came into living room and reluctantly sat in the armchair that Tara's dad usually favored.

"So Tara's your mom?" Jax blurted out still amazed that the little boy he'd talked to earlier in the day was Tara's son.

"Yeah." TJ said crossing his arms over his chest and stared hard at Jax.

"Where's your dad?" he asked again.

"I already told you."

"How old are you?"

"I'll be nine in February."

Jax felt his head spin at that. His mind racing as he did the math. The icy feeling intensified and slowly against his will the dots began to take shape. He gulped wondering if it was possible that Tara had been with someone else around the time they had broken up. But he had known her for a long time and knew she wasn't that type of girl. He knew in his heart of hearts that the child in front of him could only belong to him. That sent his heart racing and his stomach twisted in sickness. He thought about jumping up and sprinting out of the house, but another part of him wanted to stay where he was and get to know the kid.

He felt a hot white anger at Tara for keeping the kid from him, but at the same time he couldn't blame her especially after the last time they'd seen each other.

"You're Jackson Teller, aren't you?" TJ asked still staring at Jax with a look that was all Tara.

"Yeah." He said quietly. He felt like an asshole for not even knowing his son's name when his son knew his.

"I'm Thomas." TJ said. "My mom calls me TJ, but everyone else calls me Thomas." He added.

"What's your whole name?" Jax asked softly.

"Thomas Jackson Knowles-Teller." TJ asked smirking as he saw Jax blanch.

The silence in the room was deafening as TJ stared at Jax and Jax stared at TJ. Tara came in then carrying a plate with some pizza on it and handing it to TJ.

"Baby, I need to talk to Jax. How about you go into your room?" She said handing him a glass of water.

"Can I watch TV, too?" he asked grinning.

She nodded, "yeah in your room, but don't get used to it." She said as he raced off to her old room to watch TV and eat pizza, both things he was generally never allowed to do, but since Tara had to have a talk with Jax she figured that would be the best thing for him. Tara sat in TJ's vacated armchair and looked over at him with a guarded expression.

"So how have you been?" she started off making Jax snort.

"I just found out I have a eight year old kid and you're asking how I've been? How about we start with the fact that you didn't even tell me that I'm a dad for nearly a decade! What the fuck, Tara?" he yelled standing up and beginning to pace the room.

She frowned, but remained seated. "Do you remember what you said to me the day I came home for Thanksgiving? You were done with me. You were with a croweater. That's fine, Jax, whatever. Do what you do, but I wanted a good life for my son. I wanted him to be able to grow up and not be associated with that…club. I wanted him out of Charming. I wanted to give him everything I never got! You said some really mean things to me and that's when I knew…" she trailed off and ran a hand through her hair. She tried not to look at him for the next part.

"It's been really hard, but so worth it. He's such a smart kid… I worked my way through college, medical school, a residency, and I raised him right. If we would've stayed here…God who knows what would've happened between us or to him. Besides you moved on. You got married you have no right to be angry at me."

"So he is mine?" Jax asked sitting back down feeling as if he had been punched in the gut. He thought TJ was, but he wanted to make sure and hearing her say that Thomas was, was so surreal. He couldn't believe he was a dad. He simultaneously wanted to run away and kiss her.

If there was one person he never would regret having a child with, it was Tara. He had thought about having a family with her when they were younger and sometimes he'd think about what she'd look like in a wedding dress. He could see the whole thing, but when she left he kind of gave up on ever having his pipe dream of them living Happily Ever After.

Tara rolled her eyes, "no shit, Sherlock. How many other guys do you think I was having sex with at the time? I'm not like you."

Jax scowled and sat back against the couch. His eyes found the few pictures on the wall and he sighed heavily.

"I know, I have no right to be angry, but I am." He said quietly.

"Well I am too." She said quickly.

"What do you have to be angry about? You didn't have a son you knew nothing about for nine years!"

"I tried to tell you! It's not like I didn't come back and try to talk to you! I had to sit through an entire dinner with you and a skanky croweater! Then I come back to see my dad and my dad tells me you're married. I wanted to give TJ a chance to get to know his family. What I've learned with my dad is that life is short and I don't want to regret not giving my son everything. I did what I thought was best." She said heatedly.

Jax shook his head angrily. "But that doesn't make up for not telling me! I could've—"

"You could've, what? You know what would've happened? I would've came back here and became your Old Lady."

"And what's so wrong about that?"

"Because I want more than that! I don't want to be like Gemma or any of the croweaters! I wanted to make something of myself! And I did! I'm a fucking surgeon and I wouldn't have done that if I was still in Charming. I don't regret anything I've done and I refuse to allow you to make me feel like shit for not telling you about TJ." She said angrily.

Jax glared at her and she glowered back at him. The sounds of the TV in the other room could be heard in the stiff silence of the living room.

"Maybe coming here was a mistake." He said finally getting off the couch.

Tara shook her head, "what did you expect? You're married, I have a son, we've moved on."

Jax looked away. "Wendy and I are getting divorced."

Tara shrugged, "it doesn't matter. We've still moved on. Listen, if you want to get to know TJ that's fine, I would like you too. He's a really great kid. He's smart, driven, funny, charming, he's the best parts of us."

Jax nodded feeling his throat constrict at the thought that the kid in the other room eating pizza and watching TV was his son.

"The only condition though, is I don't want him anywhere around that club." She said quietly watching as Jax stiffened.

"That club is my family." He said angrily.

"I know."

"You don't have the right to do that."

"It's an outlaw club, Jax! No eight year old should be exposed to that!"

"I was!"

"That's my point!"

Jax let out a bitter laugh and got off the couch wanting to leave, but unable to because he still wanted to talk to her. Even if they were fighting he still wanted to be around her.

"I came back tonight to apologize to you, for what I said all those years ago. I know the apology is too little too late, but…" he paused and took a deep breath before continuing. "I wanted to tell you that I was proud of you for achieving your dreams, I just – I just wanted you to know that." he said quietly looking down at the ugly tan carpeting.

"Thanks." She said quietly.

Jax nodded and moved towards the door not knowing what else to do.

"I'm not sure how long we'll be here for, but I think Thomas would like to at least get to know you. Maybe if you have some time you can come by." She said hesitantly.

"What about tonight? Do you want to come to family dinner?" he asked smiling charmingly at her.

She laughed softly and shook her head. "You're mom invited us too. I was never planning on going."

"Why not?" he asked. He made a mental note to ask his mother when he saw her.

Tara crossed her arms over her chest and got off the armchair to walk towards him.

"It was nice seeing you, Jax." She said moving towards the door and opening it for him.

Jax hesitated not wanting to leave, but knowing this was Tara's sign that she needed him too.

"Do you think maybe we could go out maybe, tomorrow or something?" he blurted out.

Tara's eyes widened and she glanced away. "I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Why not?" he asked hoping she didn't evade this question too.

"Because you're getting divorced or your married, whatever. And because we have a kid, it's just not a good idea."

"Wendy and I haven't been together in months. Listen, when your dad told me you were coming back…I just really want to spend time with you and the kid, is that so much to ask?" he inquired trying not to show how desperate he was to see her.

"You can spend time with Thomas, I'm not stopping you for doing that, but there's nothing between us anymore, Jackson. Now, here's my number let me know if you want to spend time with him or not." She said before moving to close the door.

Jax scowled and took the piece of paper she scribbled her number on before stalking out of the house angrier for being dismissed by her than he'd been all night. His mind was reeling from what had just happened. He was a father. Tara basically wanted nothing to do with him and he didn't even get to make his apology speech to her. He had, had the whole thing planned out in his head and nothing went according to plan. Even the speech he gave her was stupid and pathetic. He wanted to do it right, he needed her back in his life, but everything she had just told him pointed to the fact she didn't need _him_ in _her_ life.

He decided against not going to family dinner as planned and instead headed to the club house needing to get nice and toasted so he could figure out what to do next with both Tara and Thomas.


	6. Chapter 6: How We Fight

**Author's Note:** Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate the feedback! I know I just updated yesterday, but I have a lot to do this week and the only time I had time was today so here's the next chapter. I just want to say that this is a HEA fic, first of all. Secondly yes Tara will make him work for it because it kinda bothered me in canon that she never did, but that's just me. Thirdly I'm sorry if some of you didn't like the big reveal, but it gets better. I think this chapter makes up for it. I hope you guys like it! Please review!

**Thank you to: india, Ashilz(x5!), tiffanyblueyes05, jaceyb1, KJ0060203, pacspoon, cec0020, christina, irihapeti96, anon, becky, Running-Wild22, Mrssilvers, Guest, JaraSoa2008, Samantha Renk, shaniatasmanx, shannie83, Guest, Guest, Guest, Mrscramer84, Jessica, lizmynameis, scholzjamielynn, xshynenstarx, Guest, Cindy Burick, Emeli Thorne, Guest, india, cejsmom, GoodGirlGoneBad1984, Guest, saracollier, Daliah1, dawnmiller9066, Hollywoodlove09, &amp; kellytimson1!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 6 How We Fight**

Tara felt empty when Jax left. The minute the door closed behind him she wanted to run after him and tell him she had lied. She did still feel something for him. She did want to try again with him. She wanted nothing more than to go after him and explain that if they were to try again they would need to go slow for TJ's sake, but she was willing to try for him. But the logical realistic side of her that had slowly developed since she became a mother resisted the urge.

If TJ wasn't in the picture she would have no problem running back to him, but since there was a child in the mix she had to think more thoroughly her actions. She wasn't sure what was going on with the wife, Wendy, and she didn't really know Jax anymore. Sure, he still had the swagger, the beautiful blue eyes, the long blonde hair, but was he still the same? Did she even still feel the same for him or was it just nostalgia for a high school boyfriend?

She wanted answers to all of her questions before she jumped right back into a relationship with him. She also needed to keep in mind that TJ came first and her career. She had worked so hard for nine years to get to where she was. She had the opportunity to get out and stay out like she had wanted. With her father on his deathbed and a job opportunity half way across the country she could very well say goodbye to Charming forever and with that Jax as well. But she had always had a hard time staying away from Jax. Jax had been her entire world at one point in her life and walking away from him was the hardest thing she had ever done.

Now, that she had accomplished what she wanted to she could very well stay in Charming. She could work at St. Thomas, Thomas could go to school here, and she could be with the man she had dreamed of for over nine years. Life could be perfect with them married, her working her dream job, and maybe have a few more kids. But would he really want her again after so long? Was living Happily Ever After with him just a delusion she had wanted for over a decade?

Tara sipped from the wine she had poured herself after Jax had left. She had checked on TJ who had passed out from too much pizza and TV and tucked him in. Then she poured herself another large glass of wine to think about everything she needed to. So far she hadn't achieved anything besides asking herself questions that only Jax could answer.

She wished that their conversation had gone differently, that she hadn't made herself so cold to him. She didn't want to drive him away, she just wanted him to know that things had changed. She didn't mean to tell him there was nothing between them anymore, that was a big fat lie, but it came out and she immediately regretted it once she did. By that point though she couldn't take it back and all she wanted was for him to leave so that she wouldn't say anything else that was stupid and would drive him away.

She wanted very much for him to be a part of TJ's life and she knew that as much as she didn't want TJ involved with the club, he would be. The club was a part of Jax just as much as Jax was a part of the club. TJ would be exposed to the more softer parts, like family, but she still wanted to keep him out of it. She wasn't delusional enough to think she could hide him from it forever, but she wished that she could.

She knew that Jax and TJ would get along very well, though, they were so much alike it hurt some times.

Also as much as she wanted herself to believe that not telling Jax was the right thing, she did wish she had given him more of a chance. She had spent years wondering if what she had done was the right thing and as much as she rationalized it she still had her doubts.

She was brought out of her reverie by a loud banging on her front door. Tara for a nanosecond hoped that Jax had come back to talk since she knew he didn't like her dismissal. When she got to the doorway and saw Gemma standing on the other side through the peephole she scowled and cursed her luck.

Tara opened the door and moved to the side watching as Gemma stomped into her house.

"Look, I'm sor—" Tara began, but stopped when Gemma whipped around and got into her face.

"Where is he?" Gemma demanded to know angrily.

Tara blinked rapidly and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Where's who?" Tara asked.

"My son!" Gemma snarled moving around her and began to look through the house. She began to shout for Jax and Tara grabbed her arm to get her to calm down. Gemma yanked her arm out of her grasp angrily and growled.

"Where is Jax?" Gemma asked again.

Tara scowled and glared at the other women. "Can you take it down a few notches? _My_ son is trying to sleep."

Gemma straightened her back and narrowed her eyes at the other woman.

"Where's Jax?" she asked again her voice dropping to a quieter tone.

"He's not here." Tara said quietly looking around the other woman to make sure TJ's door was still closed.

"If he's not with you then where is he?" Gemma demanded to know.

"I don't know. He left after we talked." Tara said quietly steering Gemma out of the hallway and back to the living room.

Gemma gingerly walked with her. Her eyes' never leaving Tara's the anger burnt through her.

"He didn't come to family dinner." Gemma said reluctantly.

"And you thought he was here?"

"Well you weren't there either." Gemma said rolling her eyes and looking around the room to see whether or not her son would jump out as if he'd been hiding.

"Gemma, he's not here. He left a few hours ago."

"Did he say where he was going?"

"No."

Gemma snorted, "He probably got drunk because of you. Coming back here was the worst thing you could've done for him. He's not in a good place right now."

Tara rolled her eyes. "Believe it or not, but I'm here to say goodbye to my father. This has nothing to do with Jax."  
"Then why did you tell him about his son? After all this time you decide to develop a conscious. You know you have no right to keep a child from his father."  
"I wasn't keeping anyone—"

"Yes, you are! That child needs a father and Jax isn't going to let you leave Charming without fighting for him." Gemma said taking a step towards her.

Tara gritted her teeth and glared at Gemma. "Jax can spend as much time as he wants with him."

"And what happens when you go back to your pompous doctor job? What happens to their relationship then? You going to come back to visit in the summers? Christmas break?" Gemma taunted.

Tara looked away trying to come up with a fast reply to get Gemma out of her house.

"You come back here telling everyone you're back for your father, but I know better. I've known you a long time, Tara, baby, I know how you think. You came back to tell Jax the truth. You could've handled your daddy drama back in Chicago, but instead you decided to come back and not just for your dad." Gemma sneered.

Tara refused to back down. "I came back to say goodbye to my father. It was the right thing to do."

"The right thing to do would've been to tell Jax from the beginning. He's going through a divorce right now, you know that. Now you dump this shit on him? He's going to be a mess and it's all your fault." Gemma said pointing a finger at Tara.

"My fault? How is this my fault?" Tara asked incredulously.

Gemma waved her question away. "Let me tell you something, baby, you didn't fight the first time around, but this time I'm going to make sure Jax has rights to that kid. When you leave he's not going with you." Gemma threatened.

Tara stared at her in disbelief. "Are you threatening me?"

Gemma smirked, "I'm just telling you what you already know. Jax has just as many rights to that kid as you do."

"I think this is between Jax and I. I told him he should get to know him." Tara protested.

"And what about when your father dies? What happens then?" Gemma asked her smirk widening as Tara's eye's narrowed.

"That's what I thought, baby." Gemma said and then she turned on her heel and left the house.

Tara stared after her in confused awe. Had she just been threatened by Gemma in regards to her kid? And who was Gemma to threaten her when the issue was between Jax and herself? Jax never even mentioned anything about rights or any of that other stuff, but Tara was willing to bet that after talking to his mother Jax would have a lot more ideas in his head.

After sitting on the couch for longer than she intended she decided to go to bed. She wasn't tired, but she was worried. She shouldn't be worried by Gemma Teller-Morrow taking her kid away, but she was.

* * *

It felt like only a few minutes had passed, but Tara awoke again around three am to a heavy pounding once again on the front door. She rose, wrapped a bathrobe around her body, and went to answer the door. She was too tired to look in the peephole, so she was surprised when Jax was carried in by a brown haired, crazy eyed looking fellow, and a tan guy with tattoo's on his bald head.

"What the fuck?" Tara asked staring between a bloodied Jax and the other two guys.

She bent down and checked his pulse afraid that it wouldn't be there. She could feel it beating loudly against her fingers and she breathed a sigh of relief. She looked over at the two guys; one was studying her, and the other was looking around her house.

"You're the great doctor love?" the guy with the side tattoo's asked.

Tara sighed and turned back to Jax.

"What happened?" she asked looking over his body to check where his wounds were. He had a gash over his eyebrow, his hands were bruised and bloodied, and she could see a gash in his side. The blood seeped through his shirt.

"Club stuff." The crazy eyed looking dude said.

"Club stuff?" Tara whispered to herself in annoyance. She shook her head a memory of Jax coming to her with a bruised and battered body a few times in the middle of the night rushing to her.

She sighed and got off the floor. "Put him on the couch I'll go grab my things." She said hurrying to the bathroom. She checked on TJ once more to make sure he was fast asleep and she thanked his dead to the world sleeping patterns that he had slept not only through Gemma yelling at her, but now Jax being dropped off bloody.

She came back into the room carrying a first aid kit. She bent down beside him and began to work on his gash as the two guys watched her work.

"Why did you bring him here?" she asked curiously.

"He needs a hospital." She added glancing over at them.

They shrugged in unison.

"He wanted to come here so we brought him here. He said that before he passed out." The guy with the tattoos said.

"What about his wife? Or I don't know, the hospital." She said sardonically beginning to patch up the gash on his side. He was sliced, pretty good, but he wouldn't need stitches, which was good since she didn't want to bloody the couch more than it already was.

"They're getting divorced. Besides Wendy wouldn't know what to do with a hangnail." The guy with the tattoos said with a laugh.

Tara smiled slightly and bandaged the side wound before making her way to his face.

"What's your name, darlin?" the one with the crazy eyes asked.

"Tara."

"That's a nice name."

Tara shrugged and looked over at them. "What're your names?"

"Tig and Juice."

"It's nice to meet you." she said giving them a smile before going back to work.

"Why is he passed out? Does he have a concussion?" she asked worriedly placing a hand to his forehead careful to avoid the gash.

"Probably drunk and the beat – I mean, club stuff." Juice said recovering quickly.

Tara sighed and finished with his head before moving down to his hands. She dosed then in peroxide and began to clean the wounds. She heard Jax hiss and she looked up to find him watching her with such a loving expression she felt her heart melt. His eyes were glassy and she could tell he was drunk, but she also knew that the emotion in his eyes were very real.

"So you staying here long?" Juice asked unaware that Jax was awake.

Tara ripped her gaze from Jax and looked over at Juice who was thumbing through an old copy of Little Women.

"Not sure." She said awkwardly turning back to Jax's hands to bandage them.

"You're old man's sick, right?" Tig asked getting up and beginning to walk around the room. She glanced over at him and saw him studying some pictures on the wall.

"Yeah." She said quietly finishing with the right hand before moving to the left.

"How long you been a doctor?" Tig asked moving to the kitchen. She heard him moving around in there and shortly after he emerged with the pizza she had gotten earlier. He took a bite and offered some to Juice who took two pieces.

"I just got certified." She said looking over at Jax who was still watching her. He was so silent and it unnerved her. She didn't know what to do with his intense gaze trained on her or the silence.

"Cool. You like it?" Juice asked.

She smirked, "it's pretty neat."

She finished up with his hand and gave him a gentle smile. She opened her mouth to ask him how he was doing when he reached out a bruised hand and gently touched her cheek. Her breath caught in her throat and she met his penetrating gaze. They stared at each other for a minute before she turned away and began to pack her things up. She gulped trying to form words. Glancing over at Juice and Tig she noticed they were talking quietly in the kitchen doorway.

"How are you?" she asked finally looking over at Jax.

"Better." He said wincing slightly as he tried to sit up more.

"What happened?" she asked knowing even as the words left her mouth that she wasn't going to get an answer.

"Club stuff." He said looking away and focusing on the blank TV.

"Well club stuff could've really hurt you." she said softly and then laughed slightly. "This conversation seems pretty familiar." She added shaking her head.

"Yeah." He said sighing and looking back at her.

"Have you been drinking?" she asked Gemma's words coming back to her.

Jax smiled charmingly. "Maybe."

"Gemma came by looking for you." she said softly.

Jax grimaced, "family dinner. Sorry about that. Was she…I mean…was it bad?" he stuttered.

Tara looked down wondering if she should bring up Gemma's threats. "I think she thinks I won't let you see Thomas." She revealed.

Jax leaned back against the couch and looked at the ceiling. "Why would she think that?" he asked confused.

"She asked me what would happen when I left."

"And what will happen when you leave?" he asked hating himself for how his voice cracked on the word 'leave.' She'd left once and it almost broke him. He couldn't imagine her leaving again especially now that he could possibly have another shot with her.

Tara sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Jax, how about we think about the present. I'm not sure when I'm leaving. I just got here. My dad seems to be doing pretty well. The earliest I would leave would be about two weeks, the latest…it could be longer. It's all up in the air, but I do think Thomas would really like to get to spend time with you."

"And you? Do you want to spend time with me?" he asked uncharacteristically bashful.

She smiled, "maybe, but this isn't about us. It's about Thomas. Listen, how about you stay on the couch. Jucie and Tig can leave and I can give you a ride later back to your bike. You can have breakfast with TJ and I, then maybe we can go to the park or something."

Jax nodded, "Ok."

"Ok." She said and moved to stand up. She didn't get far though because Jax grabbed her hand making her look back down at him.

"Thanks." He said giving her the typical Teller charming smile.

She nodded and moved out of his grasp to tell Juice and Tig he'd be spending the night. She went to go get him a pillow and blanket as he said goodbye to them. She came back in to hand him his sleeping items and she helped him take off his kutte. She folded it gently up and put it on the armchair before turning off the lights and going to her bedroom.

She crawled into her bed and hit the pillow hoping to sleep, but her thoughts were racing. The one thing she could focus on was how much stuff had happened in one day. She'd seen her dad after years, Jax knew about TJ, she got threatened by Gemma, and now Jax was sleeping on her couch. She rubbed her tired eyes amazed at everything that had happened and this was only her first whole day in Charming.

What else could possibly happen?

(A/n: So what did you think? up next is TJ/Jax bonding and more.)


	7. Chapter 7: His Questions

**Author's Note:** Thank you everyone so much for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following! You guys are awesome! I really appreciate it! Also some of your reviews were pretty funny. My fav were the suggestions of Jax crawling into bed with Tara. So a few things I messed up on last chapter, which were helpfully pointed out. First, I can't remember when Tig first started coming around, so just assume he started coming around a year after Tara left. Also since this is AU I think Opie will not be in jail right now since I like him and want him around more. So Opie isn't in jail just assume he got right out of jail before Tara came home. Thirdly, Gemma will get better, promise, but she probs will get in tara's face again. Fourth, this is a happy ending fic! I just wanted to let you guys know, that there will be a happy ending, it will just take some time and Tara won't be jumping right back into his arms. It will be a slow build. Lastly, I will explain why the guys didn't knew her name, but knew her dad in the next chapter as well as why Jax was injured. I will try to update before school starts, but I have a lot to do so we'll see how it goes. I hope you guys like it! Please review!

**Thank you to: Ashilz, Jessica, Mrscramer84, india, guest, Cindy Burick, becky, princessjazzie, MegCherie26, kellytimson1, Guest, Guest, Guest, jaceyb1, Tina, KJMorse, Runnying-Wild22, Chuckysma, shaniatasmanx, cec0020, saracollier, Guest, Hollywoodlove09, xshynenstarx, cejsmom, scholzjamielynn, Mrssilvers, RhondaL(X2!), JaraSoa2008, GoodGirlGoneBad1984, pacspoon, Samantha Renk, tinaedsall, NaeNae78, shannie83, melaniebundiz, crazziehatu, sarinawilson, Sarah, &amp; idimaria!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 7 His Questions**

Jax jerked awake confused as to what had woken him. He had been having a good dream and him and Tara in the park, like when they were young. It was something of a reoccurring dream for him. They used to go to a certain park when they wanted to get away from everything. Sometimes they'd camp out there and those were his favorite times because he and Tara could pretend it was only the two of them in the entire world. The dream had been of them camping in the park, which had quickly escalated to R.

He opened his eyes resentfully and came face to face with a set of bright blue eyes that matched his perfectly. He blinked rapidly as the night's events came back to him and he realized what had woken him up.

"Are you awake?" TJ asked cocking his head at him and staring.

Jax sat up a little and looked at the clock on the wall. It was a little after eight and he'd barely slept three hours. He wanted to roll over and go back to sleep, but the curious look on Tj's face convinced him not to.

"Now I am." He said rubbing a hand across his face.

TJ smirked and took a stop back from the couch where he had been hovering.

"My mom's not up yet." He said continuing to stare down at him.

"Yeah?" Jax asked for lack of anything else to say. He wished he was sleeping too, like Tara. Preferably in her bed, with her body wrapped around his.

"I'm hungry." TJ said looking over at the kitchen.

"Oh. Right." Jax said throwing the blanket off his lap and getting off the couch. He stretched feeling stiff from spending a night on the couch. He moved to the kitchen and began to look through the contents wondering what to make the little boy for breakfast. Out of the corner of his eye he saw TJ get up onto one of the chairs at the kitchen table and look over at him patiently.

"So what do you like?" Jax asked figuring it was probably easier to ask rather than make something the kid wouldn't eat.

"Whatever." TJ said shrugging.

Jax smirked slightly. "Anything, huh? Even…oatmeal?"

TJ made a face. "No! Not oatmeal, but mom bought me Cheerios."

Jax raised an eyebrow at him and then looked in the cupboard. Sure enough Cheerios were front and center waiting to be opened.

"So you woke me up so I could pour you a bowl of cereal?" Jax asked incredulously.

TJ smirked and Jax was amazed at how similar it was to his own. If he had any doubt that TJ wasn't his, after seeing that smirk on his face he knew that TJ was definitely a Teller.

"There are other reasons I woke you up too." TJ said oblivious to how dumbfounded Jax was by his facial expressions and mannerisms.

"Such as?" Jax asked pouring him the bowl of cereal with milk.

"Like why are you sleeping on my couch? And you snore really loudly so I couldn't watch cartoons." He said taking the bowl of cereal from Jax and moving back into the living room. He turned on the TV and sat on the recently vacated couch to watch the TV. After pouring his own bowl of cereal Jax followed him uncertainly.

"I was in a jam last night. Your mom helped me out." Jax said sitting beside him.

TJ glanced over at him and then at the wound on his eyebrow. "Is that how you got that?" he asked nodding at the cut.

Jax touched it lightly and then nodded. "Yeah."

"What happened?" TJ asked curiously.

Jax sighed and looked at the TV where Spongebob talked with Patrick. "What are we watching?" he asked avoiding the question.

"Spongebob." TJ said turning away from him and back to the TV.

"So…do you like Spongebob?" Jax asked attempting a conversation.

TJ snorted and Jax found himself again amazed at how he sounded just like Tara when she was asked an idiotic question.

"Is that a yes?" Jax asked eating some of his cereal.

"I wouldn't be watching it if I didn't like it." TJ said giving him a pointed look and Jax chuckled.

"Fair enough, kid."

They were silent as they continued to eat their cereal both of them focused on the TV. Eventually Tara got up and came into the living room. She frowned seeing their empty bowls on the coffee table and the TV on.

"Did you eat already, baby?" Tara asked looking at TJ.

"Yeah." TJ answered in unison with Jax who also responded thinking she had been talking to him.

Tara looked at Jax and then at TJ who was smirking at the embarrassed expression on Jax's face.

"Ok, well let me eat and then we can get ready to go." Tara said moving to the kitchen to make something.

Jax watched her go before he turned back to the TV and TJ who had been watching him.

"Are you staying the whole day?" TJ asked sitting back against the couch.

Jax shrugged, "do you want me to stay?"

"Why does it matter what I want? It's your life." TJ answered sounding so similar to Tara.

Jax smiled slightly amused by the kid in front of him. He was such a mix of both Tara and himself it was a little disconcerting. "Yeah, I'm staying."

"Cool. Are you going to visit my grandpa with us?" he asked.

Jax hesitated. "Well I'm—"

"Jax is actually going to take you while I'm with grandpa today." Tara said coming back into the room.

"Why?" TJ asked frowning.

"Because I have to do some more paperwork for him and it's going to be boring." Tara said not wanting to also tell him she was going to have to talk to her father about his Will among other things, such as Hospice. As much as she told TJ she still wanted to hide the dark realities from him at least for a little while longer.

"I can wait." TJ said nervously looking over at Jax.

"It's ok, it'll be fine. You'll have fun with Jax. He'll take you to the park and you guys can get to know each other." Tara said soothingly.

Jax gave him a comforting smile and TJ scowled. "I don't have to call you, dad, right?" TJ asked taking the two parents back by his less than friendly tone.

"Thomas." Tara warned.

"Tara, it's fine. Um…I mean you don't have to." Jax said uncomfortably.

TJ nodded and stood up to walk towards his mom. He looked up at her with pleading eyes. "Can't I come to the hospital with you? I promise I'll be quiet." He pouted.

Tara looked over his head and to Jax who sat awkwardly on the couch not looking at them. His head was down and his elbows rested on his knees. He looked forlorn and the image tugged at Tara's heart. She tore her eyes away from Jax and looked down at the little boy. She put her hands on his shoulders and sighed.

"Baby, what's wrong?" she asked wondering if she should lead him from the room so they could discuss what was bothering him.

TJ looked down and then up at her with his big blue eyes. "I just want to come with you." he said quietly.

Tara sighed and shot Jax an apologetic look. She took TJ's hand and led him to her old bedroom wanting to talk about what was bothering him without Jax hearing. She knew that this was hard for Jax too and didn't want to scare him away.

"What else is wrong?" Tara asked.

TJ was silent for awhile and she watched as various emotions flickered across his face.

"I don't know him…and what if he doesn't like me?" he asked worriedly.

Tara felt her heart break a little at his question and she pulled him close to her.

"Baby, just be yourself, he'll love you."

"But what if doesn't want me, like before?" TJ whispered.

Tara frowned, "why do you think he didn't want you before?"

"Because he never came looking for us. What if—"

"Thomas, baby, he'll love you and…it was a lot more complicated then him not coming after us. I've told you a bit about it, but…this has nothing to do with you. Jax, I can guarantee already likes you." She said trying to reassure him.

TJ nodded solemnly. "Are you sure?"

"He wanted to spend the day with you." she said knowing she was stretching the truth just a bit.

TJ grinned happily.

"It'll be fine, baby, I'll be at the hospital and I'll be home in a few hours. Maybe we can have a late lunch." She said kissing him on the top of his head.

He nodded and moved to leave the room. They went back into the living room to find Jax putting the dishes in the sink.

"How about you take the Cutlass?" she suggested coming into the kitchen.

Jax looked surprised.

"I'm not comfortable letting him ride on the back of a bike yet." She said biting her lip.

"Isn't it buried in the garage?" Jax asked smirking.

She smiled back and nodded. "Yeah, but I'll help you." she said.

Jax rolled his eyes playfully and the three of them dug out the Cutlass. When it was all uncovered Tara backed the car out of the garage. Once the car was out of the garage she kissed TJ goodbye, grabbed her things, and awkwardly hugged Jax before leaving.

Once Jax and TJ were alone they went back inside to grab some water bottles and snacks to take to the park. Neither of them said much, both unsure of how to break the tension. TJ was nervous Jax wouldn't like him and unbeknownst to him Jax was equally as nervous about TJ not liking him as well.

They got into the Cutlass and Jax started the car with the burrowed keys. They began to drive through Charming listening to the radio.

"How did you and my mom meet?" TJ asked breaking the hour-long silence.

Jax turned to him suddenly and smiled thinking of how he'd met Tara.

"Didn't she tell you?"

"Kinda, but I wanna hear it from you."

"Well, we've kinda known each other most of our lives." He said thoughtfully.

"But how did you start dating?" he asked looking over at Jax curiously.

Jax chuckled and rubbed his beard. "It was gradual, I guess. We were friends for awhile, but then high school came and we kinda drifted away. We were assigned to be partners for a project and I realized I liked her. It took me about a year to finally get her to agree to go out with me and then we dated for three years." He said smiling at the memory of their youth.

"Do you still love her?" TJ asked point blank.

Jax choked on air and began to cough taken aback by the question. TJ smirked and waited for his coughing fit to subside.

"Kid, you can't ask people that – that's old news. We haven't been together in – in a long time." Jax said uncomfortably.

TJ's smirk widened. "What's your wife's name?" he asked abruptly changing the question.

"Nope, kid. We are going to talk about you now. Tell me about what you like to do?" Jax asked having had enough of spilling his personal life to his eight year old kid.

TJ shrugged. "There's not much to tell. I'm eight. I like pizza and I want to own my own bike when I'm sixteen."

"What do you wanna do when you grow up?" Jax asked cringingly inwardly at how old he sounded for asking that question.

"I don't know. I really like bikes and stuff, but I kinda wanna help people too. Maybe a mechanic and a lawyer. Like I can fix cars and stuff on the weekends and help people during the week." TJ said thoughtfully.

"You don't want to be a doctor?" Jax asked curiously.

TJ shook his head. "Mom had to do so much work! I stayed with Cousin Jenny and sometimes I'd stay with mom's friend Anita." He said thoughtfully.

"Why did you have to stay with them?"

"Mom was working late or all night." TJ said with a shrug.

Jax frowned feeling the familiar guilt eat away at him. If he had been there TJ wouldn't have had to stay with Tara's friends or cousin. TJ could've had a parent that took care of him.

"So what else do you like?" Jax asked moving the conversation away from the past and back onto his son's likes and dislikes.

"I don't know." TJ said shrugging.

Jax smiled feeling very similar to his own parents who used to ask him endless questions about his life. He tried for the rest of the car ride to get TJ to open up, but he was so similar to Tara in that regard that you had to pry her open. Jax knew that Tara didn't open up easily either and he assumed after interacting with TJ that he was the same way. He would have to work on getting TJ to open up, but he didn't mind because he knew, like with Tara, that it would be a much bigger pay off since he'd know him better than others would.

They got to the park and Jax walked over to a bench as TJ went to play on the playground. They were there for about an hour and a half when his cell began to ring. He cringed seeing that it was from Clay.

"Where are you?" Clay demanded to know.

"Uh…the park." Jax said awkwardly. He smiled slightly when he saw TJ begin to climb the monkey bars and watched as he hung upside down.

"What the fuck? Jax, what the hell happened last night? I heard about your little altercation with the Mayans." Clay said angrily into the phone.

Jax sighed, "its done with."

"Clubhouse, now Jax. We have Church." Clay snarled into the phone.

"Now?" Jax asked watching TJ laugh at something one of the other kids on the playground said.

"Yes, now! Did you smack your head too hard last night? Get your ass over here, now." Clay spat into the phone and then hung up.

Jax winced and hung up the phone. He looked over at TJ who was now talking to a few other kids his age and he felt automatically guilty for what he was about to do. He couldn't very well ignore the club calling him or Clay and he didn't want to give up his time with TJ. He knew the only way he was going to be able to do both was if he took TJ with him to the clubhouse, but he also knew that would be going against something Tara had explicitly told him not to do. After a quick debate with himself he decided to take TJ with him to the clubhouse, because as much as Tara didn't want TJ involved Jax was his father and that meant he was already involved with the club. He'd deal with Tara's anger when he had to, but for right now he had to get to the clubhouse and figure out what to do about the slowly escalating violence between the Mayans and the SAMCRO.

(A/n: What did you guys think? Next up will be the club meets TJ and will Tara find out?)


	8. Chapter 8: How We Hide

**Author's Note:** I apologize for the long wait! I've been busy with my first week back, but I'm hoping to start updating again consistently. For the next month it wont be so consist since I have to and should be studying for my gre, which is a test to get into grad school, but I wil shoot for once a week. So I am sorry for the wait, but this is a pretty long chapter! Thank you everyone for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following! You guys are truly spectacular! I can't believe u like the story so much! this chapter has a lot of bonding. Also _melaniebundiz_, thank you for giving me an excellent idea! I took your suggestion and tweaked it. So thank you for that! I hope you like it! Please review!

**Thank you to: muzzarae, guest, guest, JaraSoa2008, Jeri252, Guest, cec0020, jessica, india-guest, xshynenstarx, Ashilz, kimmeyer7399, kellytimson1, Mrscramer84, tiffanyblueyes05, NaeNae78, Chuckysma, Emeli Thorne, janetmccormick5, guest, cindy burick, Running-wild22, GoodgirlGonebad1984, shaniatasmanx, averagegirl13, scholzjaimelynn, guest, tinaedsall, Hollywoodlove09, Samantha Renk, guest, Mrssilvers, tina, saracollier, cejsmom, Irihapz334, &amp; melaniebundiz! **

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 8 How we Hide  
**

"Where are we?" TJ asked curiously as they pulled into a gated area with two buildings. He read the words Teller-Morrow and he opened his mouth to ask another question when he caught sight of the bikes sitting outside. His mouth dropped open in awe and he heard Jax laugh beside him.

"We're at the garage. My dad owned it before he died." Jax answered smirking at the awestruck look on the kid's face.

TJ nodded absentmindedly his mind already working out how he could get over there and look at them without arising anyone's suspicion. Jax parked the car and turned it off before looking over at him with a serious expression.

"I have to go do some things, but I'm going to take you into the garage and I'm going to see if my mom can watch you." Jax said looking at him.

"How long is it going to take?" TJ asked curiously.

Jax sighed feeling already really guilty about what he was doing. Tara had told him she didn't want TJ anywhere near the club and he was doing exactly what she didn't want. He understood her concern, but the club was his family and his life. One day, he hoped, that TJ could be apart of it as well. He could already see TJ prospecting, getting along with the guys, and fixing bikes. He wanted TJ to be involved with the club, like he had been. But he also knew that Tara didn't want that. He remembered when they were young and how concerned she would be about his involvement with the club. He knew that it would take a lot of convincing to allow TJ to even meet with the other brothers, but TJ was his kid too and he wanted him to meet his family. He knew she would be beyond angry, but he was still pissed that she hadn't told him that he had a kid for as long as he did. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but he figured he could make it up to her somehow. He imagined how pissed off she'd be and he hoped that he could think of a way to soften the blow of the truth before she found out.

His first thought was taking her to bed and distracting her, but he knew it would be awhile before he could make her fall into bed with him. Even with his Teller charm he knew he'd have to try harder than that. Besides he didn't want her to just fall into bed with him. He wanted to get to know her again, learn about what happened in the last nine years. He knew he still had feelings for her, but did he still love her? Was their love just some puppy teenage love? Could they even be together now? And the most important question was; was she even going to stay this time around?

"Not long and you know it'll be really awesome if you met my mom. She's a great cook." He said trying to ignore the look of disappointment on TJ's face.

He wanted to tell him that he didn't want to go in, that he wanted to stay at the park with him, but duty called and you couldn't ignore duty. The guilt he was already experiencing because of his taking TJ to the club increased tenfold when he saw the disappointment on TJ's face from their time together being cut short. He wanted the smile to come back on his cheeks and the glow back in his eyes. He thought about all the times JT told him he would play with him when instead he had to cancel and go take care of business at the club. He felt like an asshole for letting TJ down, even if it wasn't going to be that long.

"How about we go out for ice cream after?" Jax asked softly his hand on the door handle.

TJ nodded a small smile playing on the edge of his lips. "Yeah ok."

Jax grinned and ruffled his hair, "Alright are you ready?"

TJ sighed heavily and gave him an exasperated look. "Let's get this over with, I guess." He said before pushing open the door and stepping into the sunlight. Jax followed and they began to walk toward the garage.

Jax saw Lowell working on a silver Cruz and he looked up right as they were coming towards him. He saw Lowell look back and forth between TJ and Jax and his eyes widened in astonishment.

"Hey Jax." Lowell said dropping his tool in the box and turning to take in the sight of Jax and his miniature.

"Lowell, this is TJ." Jax introduced nodding down at the little boy.

"Thomas, actually." TJ said giving his dad a look.

Jax held his hands up in a surrender motion and TJ rolled his eyes.

"Hi, Thomas. I'm Lowell." Lowell said sticking his hand out for TJ to shake.

TJ smiled and shook it noting the grease between his fingers.

"Are you a mechanic?" TJ asked curiously.

"Yep, for awhile now."

"How long?"

"I guess technically since I was about thirteen or so, but I only started getting paid when I was about seventeen." Lowell said thoughtfully. He glanced over at Jax and noticed that he nodded over to the office and Lowell nodded back.

"Was it hard?" TJ asked looking into the toolbox and taking in the assortment of metal instruments.

"Not if you have a good teacher." Lowell said pleasantly.

"I wanna learn about cars, but my mom says I'm too young still." TJ mumbled.

"How old are you?"

"Eight. I'll be nine in a few months though." TJ said trying to sound tough.

"I have a boy who's about five now. I already started teaching him some things. I can show you a few simple things too if you want." Lowell said glancing over at Jax in the office where he was talking with Gemma.

TJ grinned happily. "That would be cool!"

Lowell smiled back and began to take out the tools showing him what was what. TJ listened attentively and didn't even notice when Gemma and Jax came back outside both looking a little annoyed.

"Hey, Thomas, I wanna introduce you to someone." Jax said squatting down beside TJ and putting a hand on his shoulder.

TJ looked at him and then over his shoulder where Gemma was standing with her hands on her hips.

"I met her already." TJ said looking back down at the toolbox.

"Well this is your grandma." Jax said and behind them Gemma snorted in annoyance.

TJ smirked and stood up fully obviously entertained that Gemma didn't like the term 'grandma.'

"Mom introduced us." TJ said moving around Jax and coming to stand in front of Gemma.

"You invited us to dinner." He added looking up at her.

Gemma nodded and uncurled her arms from across her chest. "I did, but you didn't come."

TJ nodded, "yeah. Mom was all grumpy on the way home, like the time when my teacher called her to tell her I hurt Bobby Jones for spreading lies."

Gemma smirked. "Your dad has to do some things, but you're going to hang out with me, ok?"

TJ looked up at Jax who nodded and he turned back to Gemma. "Can I finish hanging out with Lowell first? He's showing me the basics." TJ said hopefully gesturing to the car.

Gemma looked over at Lowell and she nodded. "Sure, baby, I'll be in the office. If you get hungry or bored come get me." She said taking a step closer and putting her hands on his shoulders. She looked down into the blue eyes that were so similar to her son's and she gulped before giving him a brief hug and hurrying back into the office. Jax watched her go and then turned back to his son.

"I'll be back in a little while." Jax said.

"Where are you going?"

Jax pointed to the other building. "Over there, but you aren't allowed in there. If you need anything talk to Gemma." He kneeled down and whispered in his ear. "And call her grandma, I don't think she likes it."

TJ laughed and nodded.

Jax grinned and gave him a hug before making his way to the clubhouse. As he walked closer to it the smile fell off his lips and he braced himself for the yelling he would be receiving.

* * *

Jax entered the clubhouse and saw all of his brothers already in there waiting no doubt for him to arrive. He knew he was beyond late, but that didn't stop him from swaggering into the room and lighting up a cigarette.

"Took you long enough, brother." Opie said drinking a beer at the counter of the bar.

"Where have you been?" Clay asked coming over to him and giving him a severe look.

"I had some things to take care of." Jax said giving Clay a cocky smile.

Clay rolled his eyes and then turned and began to walk to the backroom.

"Church, now!" He barked and everyone grabbed their beers and began to follow him into the room. They took their designated seats and waited until Clay began.

"Tell me what happened last night." Clay said getting right to the point.

"I went out and was drinking. Some Mayans were at the bar. We were drunk some things were said. I was outnumbered." Jax said shrugging like it was no big deal, which in retrospect he didn't think it was. The beating led him back to Tara after all so it didn't all end badly.

"This shit with the Mayans is getting worse." Tig said speaking up.

"How'd you find him?" Clay asked looking at Tig.

Tig shrugged, "luck, honestly. Juice and I were driving past when we saw his bike."

"So what are we going to do about this?" Clay asked sitting back in his seat.

"Mayans are always starting shit." Juice said leaning back in his chair.

"And it's gotta stop now. We've been dealing with their bullshit for awhile now and I'm tired of it. I think they should be dealt with before they do some real damage." Clay announced.

"What should we do?" Chibs asked curiously.

Clay rubbed his beard thoughtfully. "We're going to have to get them where it hurts. Maybe we can mess with their business."

"Come on, Clay, it was just one fight it's not like they blew up the Warehouse." Jax said lighting up a cigarette and puffing on the smoke.

"No, but they've been messing with us and who knows, maybe their next step _is_ to blow up the Warehouse." Clay said giving him a pointed look.

Jax sighed and began to puff on his cigarette as he listened to Clay speak about revenge. He half listened wondering how Tara was doing with her father at that moment. The meeting went on with people throwing out suggestions of how to take care of the Mayans, but Jax wasn't as into it as he should be. His mind was miles away on the two people who had just walked into his life.

* * *

In the garage TJ had finished his mechanic lesson and was helping Lowell continue working on the car. He asked Lowell if he could go check out the bikes and Lowell said he could as long as he didn't touch anything. TJ eagerly walked over to them and began to look them over taking in the different kinds and colors.

"Have you been on one?" Gemma asked curiously walking up behind him.

TJ glanced over at her and then shook her head. "No, we live in Chicago so motorcycles aren't really that popular."

"Do you like Chicago?"

TJ shrugged and went back to looking at the bikes. "Sometimes. Not when it snows, though."

"It doesn't snow here." Gemma said stubbing her cigarette out and walking closer.

TJ snorted, but didn't say anything too engrossed in the bikes.

"Are you hungry? I can make you something to eat." Gemma offered.

TJ glanced over at her and then shrugged. "Jax said you were a good cook."

"I am."

TJ nodded slowly finally turning fully from the bikes. "What was Jax like when he was my age?" he asked curiously.

Gemma smiled softly and took a step closer to the eight year old. "How about I make you a hamburger and fries and then I tell you how _both_ of your parents were at your age."

TJ smiled and nodded.

Gemma put a hand on his shoulder and led him towards the clubhouse. She led him to the bar and watched as he took everything in from the pictures on the wall to the bikes on display.

"Your grandfather built this place." Gemma said watching as he climbed onto a stool at the bar. She went around the counter and got him some water before putting an order in for him.

"Why?" TJ asked.

Gemma sighed, "That's a long story. I thought you wanted to hear about your parents."

TJ nodded eagerly.

"Your dad…he was always causing trouble and grinning charmingly to get out of it. He had a little brother when he was your age—"

"Thomas."  
"Right, Thomas. And he and his dad were close. His best friend was a kid named Opie and they used to get into lots of trouble. Tara on the other hand was very quiet, shy, and smart. Her dad used to bring her by."

"Why?"

Gemma grimaced uncomfortably, "He liked to go out, so he'd leave Tara in the car and I'd take her into the back with Jax and Opie so that they could hang out."

"Did Jax like my mom back then?" TJ asked curiously.

Gemma looked thoughtful as she leaned against the counter and mulled over his question.

"I'm not sure about then, but years later he did. Found them making out on the couch more times than I ever wanted to. They were very much in love though."

"Then what happened?"

"Tara wanted to become a doctor and Jax had to stay here. He married a woman named Wendy and it didn't work out so well."

"How come?"

"I think because he never fully let your mother go." Gemma said quietly.

"Do you like my mom?"

Gemma smirked, "why do you ask that?"

"You didn't seem happy to see her at the grocery store."

"Tara is… it's complicated, kid." Gemma said with a sigh.

TJ nodded and looked around the bar for lack of anything better to do.

"So what do you like to do?" Gemma asked moving the conversation off the past and towards him.

"I like things."

"Like?"

"I don't know. Just stuff."

"Do you like to draw?"

"Yeah."

"You're dad does too."

"What else does my dad like?"

Gemma smiled and began to tell him until his food was finished being prepared. When the food was done Gemma set it in front of him and watched as he ate it.

Shortly after the door to the backroom opened and the guys began to emerge from church. At first no one noticed the kid until they went to the counter to talk to Gemma and order a beer. Chibs took one look at the kid munching on his hamburger and then looked at Jax who was quietly talking to Opie.

"Did you lose something, Jackie-boy?" Chibs asked looking between the kid and Jax.

Jax looked over at him and then followed his gaze to TJ. Jax smirked and said something to Opie before they both walked over. He put a comforting hand on TJ who looked up curiously and looked at the guys in front of him.

"Hi." TJ said swallowing his bite and looking at Chibs, Jax, and Opie standing around him. Piney saddled up next to his son as well interested to learn why Jax had a kid with him.

"This is Thomas." Jax said introducing him to Chibs, Piney, and Opie.

"Thomas, this is Chibs, Piney, and Opie. Over there is Juice, Tig, Bobby, Clay, and there are some more guys I want to introduce you to, but that can wait." Jax said smiling.

Thomas nodded and turned back to his hamburger not noticing that most of the bar had gone silent taking him in. They weren't sure what to be more surprised about that Jax had a kid, or that the kid looked like a miniature of him.

"He yours?" Opie asked softly.

Jax nodded, "Yeah."

"How old are you, lad?" Chibs asked.

"Eight." TJ said.

"Where's your mom?" Piney asked gruffly.

"At the hospital. Her dad is sick." TJ said finishing his meal and turning to them with big blue eyes.

"Are you the great love doctor's kid?" Tig asked curiously.

TJ frowned, "who?"

"Jax's great doctor love, Tara." Juice supplied.

Piney snorted and moved away to grab a beer.

TJ nodded slowly. "How do you know my mom?"

Tig smirked, "I don't know her exactly. I've just heard about her and then Jax found out her dad was sick. I put two and two together." He said shrugging.

TJ nodded and noticed that everyone in the bar was staring at him. He shifted uncomfortably and looked at Jax. Jax seemed to see something on his face and gave him a charming smile.

"Come on, kid, let's go. I promised you ice cream."

TJ climbed off the chair and they headed towards the door when Clay stopped them.

"Hold on, you aren't staying?" Clay asked stopping them mid getaway.

"I gotta get the kid back to Tara." Jax said.

TJ looked back and forth between them curiously watching the staring contest before him. Finally Clay seemed to relent.

"He looks exactly like you." Clay admitted.

"Well he is my son." Jax said dryly.

Clay chuckled and reached a hand out to shake TJ's. TJ smiled and shook the offered hand.

"Come by some other time." Clay said as they stepped around him and headed to the door. The club stared after them completely amazed that Jax had a kid.

Jax got them to the car and started it so they could leave. He hesitantly turned to TJ wondering how he was going to ask him what he had so he could reveal the truth to Tara. He felt uncomfortable asking his kid to lie, but he wanted to be the one to tell her.

"So…your mom isn't much of a fan of the club." Jax started uncomfortably.

TJ turned to him and waited for him to go on.

"I think – if that's ok with you, I should be the one to tell her about today and where we went." Jax said finally.

"No sense in both of us getting into trouble. I'll tell her what happened and – uh she'll understand." He added running a hand through his hair and glancing at TJ to try to figure out what he was thinking.

"That was the club?" TJ asked finally.

"Yeah." Jax said carefully.

TJ nodded and turned to look out the window. Jax frowned wishing he would talk more.

"Did you get along with Lowell?" Jax asked wondering for the first time how things had gone without him.

"Yeah."

"And my mom?"

"Yeah."

"Did you like the guys?"

"Yeah."

Jax breathed out a sigh of annoyance wondering if the kid was going to answer him in any other way other than 'yeah.'

"So you're going to tell my mom about today?" TJ asked breaking the silence.

"Yeah." Jax said and mentally wanted to slap himself for how he sounded.

* * *

The two spent the rest of the day going for ice cream and trying to get to know each other. Jax found himself having to ask him multiple questions to find out anything about TJ. He was right in the way that he was exactly like his mother and kept everything bottled up, but Jax was good at getting information from Tara and he knew that with enough practice he'd get more information from TJ.

TJ, for his part asked him question upon question to the point that Jax wasn't sure how he had any left. He asked him everything from what his favorite type of bike was to how he met Wendy to if he'd ever been in trouble with the law. There was nothing TJ didn't ask.

They finally went back to the house and Jax attempted to make dinner before Tara got home. He figured if there was something to eat he could soften the blow of telling her about their little excursion today. TJ went to his room and watched TV while Jax struggled his way through making spaghetti. A little before five Tara came in looking exhausted and sad.

"Hey." She said coming into the kitchen.

Jax smiled and continued to stir the noodles. "How was it?" he asked turning to look into the pot to see that the water was close to boiling.

He stiffened when he felt her arms circle around his waist and she buried her head into his back. He dropped the spoon and twisted around so he could wrap his arms around her properly. He hugged her tightly to him and wasn't surprised at all when he felt wet hot tears through his shirt. She cried silently and Jax tried to sooth her by running his hands through her hair.

"He's really sick, Jax." She whispered when her tears finally subsided.

Jax moved away and cupped her face her emerald eyes shining with tears that were promised to fall soon.

"I know." He said quietly.

"I just…I knew he was sick, but today…he's really sick and it's starting to actually sink in. I took the Will to him so he could go over it and everything…the things he said…Jax he's really going to leave me soon." She said trying to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

Jax stopped her and gently began to caress the tear trails with the rough pad of his thumb completely in awe how soft her skin still was. He had never touched skin that was softer. He loved the feel of her skin, it was like smooth silky porcelain. He couldn't image anything that was better to touch.

"What did he say to you?" he asked knowing that something must have happened at the hospital today to make her come home like this.

"It's nothing he said – well I guess not intentionally. He said he loved me and that he was sorry. We moved him into hospice today." She whispered.

"I know it doesn't help, but I am sorry." He said kissing her on the forehead and wrapping her into a hug again. She squeezed him tight afraid he would disappear on her. She breathed his scent in marking the moment down in her memory. She loved that he still smelled the same, but she also wished he didn't. He brought back too many memories for her and too many emotions. Emotions, she wasn't ready to look at yet.

"Tell me something good. What did you guys do today?" she asked after a long silence needing something to distract her from what she had to endure that day.

Jax hesitated knowing he should tell her the truth, but not wanting her to get more upset than she was. He told himself he would tell her…eventually, but right now she needed to concentrate on her dad and getting through this difficult time for her. The club could wait, he needed to comfort her now.

"Park, ice cream, you know, kid stuff." He said.

"Did you have fun?"

"Yeah, I think we did." Jax said pulling away slightly and moving to check on dinner. It was boiling now so he drained the noodles and began to put them on three plates.

"Thanks." She said watching him.

He glanced over at her and shrugged. "It's no problem."

"I mean for everything, dinner, watching TJ, not being as angry as you should at me…just all of it." She said quietly.

He grinned, "Well I have to figure out some way to get back in your good graces."

She laughed quietly, "you? Trying to do anything? That's laughable. Everything just falls into your lap."

He smirked enjoying the spark that was slowly returning to her eyes. "Not everything." He mumbled and then looked her right in the eye wanting to convey how serious he was. "The only person I try for is you, Tara. You oughta know that by now." He said trying to act more smug than he felt.

She rolled her eyes. "You're such a liar."

"I'm serious. You're the only one I've ever wanted to impress." He revealed quietly. His eyes bore into hers and she felt breathless.

She cleared her throat and looked away. "Always the charmer."

"It doesn't make it any less true, Tara."

She nodded and turned away from him leaving the kitchen to no doubt go look for TJ. He watched her go and then turned back to the half prepared dinner trying to get his hammering heart under control before he went to go have dinner with his family. Family…Tara and TJ were his family.

The thought alone put a smile back on his face. He knew they had a long way to go and their happiness could very well be blown up before him if TJ told Tara what they really did today, but for now he was happy with what the future could hold from them, together.

(A/n: what do you think? Next up will be more Jax/tara! and what the hell happened to Wendy? hopefully i'll update soon!)


	9. Chapter 9: How We Feel

**Author's Note:** I apologize for the wait! I've been busy and I started the chapter and never got to finish it, but finally I did so I hope you guys like it. Thank you so much for the reviews! I really appreciate the feedback! It really helps, plus it's a great motivator! My birthday is this week so the update may take a little longer, just a forewarning! Also Tara won't be finding out about the Club visit for a few chapters I just wanted to let you guys know. Some things need to happen first, so she won't find out for a little while, but don't worry she does and it's not pretty. Please let me know what you think of this chapter! It was difficult to write, I feel like i didn't get the characters accurately.

**Thank you to: Ellavm18, Guest, Guest, Guest, Chucksyma, Guest, Guest, RUNOS SISTER, JaraSoa2008, Mrssilvers, pacspoon, RhondaL, Dana Finch, scholzjamielynn, muzzarae, xshynenstarx, Cindy Burick, kimr, amy, Mscramer84, tina, janetmccormick5, Emeli Thorne, Guest, Jessica, Guest, ReadingRed, india-guest, shannie83, kellytimson1, tiffanyblueyes05, Running-Wild22, amralolic58, Animelover600, shaniatasmanx, cec0020, &amp; Samantha Renk!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 9: How We Feel**

"You're sure you're ok with taking him again?" Tara asked shoving several items into her purse and trying to finish breakfast at the same time. She was rushing around the small kitchen trying get everything in order. She had told her dad she would be at the hospital an hour earlier, but she had woken up late and now she was trying to do too many things at once. She felt frustrated and stressed out, whether it was because of what was going on with her dad or her rapidly developing feelings for Jax she had no idea. Scratch that – her re-emerging feelings for Jax. They had always been there they were just buried under denial, lots and lots of denial.

Jax moved closer to her trying to avoid her flying hands as she did too many things at once. He took her by the shoulders and successfully was able to get her to stand still for a few seconds.

"Tara, it's fine. I'll watch him. Take care of your dad." He said soothingly. He desperately wished that he could make her feel better when it came to the situation with her father. He knew she was conflicted about the situation since her father had been the antagonist for so long and now he was dying. He wanted to help her, but he only knew one way of doing so, and he was pretty sure she wouldn't be happy with him if he made a move on her when she hadn't even home for a week yet.

She gave him a shy smile and nodded, "thanks."

"It's no a problem, darlin. We had fun yesterday." He said gently moving his thumbs in a circular motion on her shoulders. She moved closer to him and let her pretty green eyes search his as if she doubted his words. He smiled smugly at her enjoying their close proximity and wishing he could close the distance beween his lips and hers. He wondered ideally if she still tasted like vanilla and cinnamon. Just the right amount of spicy and sweet to get his blood going and his heart pounding.

Jax had come over bright and early on the pretense that he didn't have any breakfast food in his own house, but Tara wasn't fooled. Especially when he had brought over donuts, her favorite donuts. She knew what he was trying to do, but as much as she knew she shouldn't fall for his intoxicating charm she could feel herself relenting. She knew they would soon be falling back into old patterns and she wasn't sure whether she should try and resist it or not. She had told herself time and time again that she wasn't going to go down the Jackson Teller path when she came back to Charming. On the plane ride over – almost four days ago – she had told herself she wouldn't fall under Jax's spell and now here she was practically falling into a puddle at his feet over a smirk directed her way. She felt like they were sixteen again.

"I was thinking of taking him to meet Opie. What do you think?" he asked running a hand through his hair and rubbing the back of his neck.

If she hadn't been so busy trying to remember if she had everything she might have seen the guilty look cross his features.

"I thought Opie was in jail." she asked half distracted by looking for her keys.

"He got out last month."

"Oh." She paused and looked up at him seriously. "Just Opie?"

"Yeah, maybe Donna and Piney." He said grabbing her keys from the dining room table and handing them to her.

"Thanks." She said giving him a quick smile.

"So?" he asked.

She bit her lip. "Just Donna, Piney, and Opie?" she asked.

He nodded trying to ignore the rolling waves of guilt in his stomach.

"Alright, but Jax if you want to take him to the club or introduce him to the guys we need to talk about that. I meant what I said the other night. I want him to have choices. I want him to have a life that doesn't revolve around violence. I want him to have the things we never did." she said earnestly.

Jax nodded and vowed to tell her about yesterday at the next opportunity, but on the other hand he was afraid of her reaction. Would she still trust him? Would she hate him? Would she take his son away? He liked how everything was going now and he didn't want that to change. He was a selfish man especially when it came to Tara and he knew that.

"What time will you be home tonight?" he asked.

"I'm not sure. It depends."

"Ok well just let me know." He said.

She smiled at him and then left the room in search of their child who was still asleep. She found TJ passed out in her old room and she took a minute to watch him sleep momentarily stunned at how quickly he was growing up. She quietly made her way into the room and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead and whisked her hand through his hair.

"I love you." she whispered and kissed him once more before straightening up and leaving.

She walked back into the living room and smiled at Jax who was munching on a donut.

"I think you only brought those so you could eat them." She commented grabbing one for herself.

"Maybe, but I also know you like them." He said smirking.

"Trying to butter me up, Teller?" she teased.

Jax smirked and leaned back against the couch. "Just reminding you what you're missing out on."

The smile swiftly dropped from her face and she shifted uncomfortably. "Jax…what are we doing here?" she blurted out.

He frowned and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

"We're talking, like adults." He pointed out.

"I mean, that I just got back to Charming and you…you're getting divorced. We can't be anything except friends." She stuttered knowing she was lying even as she said the words.

"Yeah, you keep saying that." he said gruffly.

"I don't know if I'm staying." She said quickly.

"You keep saying that too." He said scowling.

"I just want us to be realistic." She protested wanting to kick herself for ruining a good morning between them.

"I am being realistic. You suggested I get to know my kid, so I am. That's still ok, right?" he asked annoyed.

"Yeah, of course." She said feeling guilty.

"Good, now say hi to Frank for me." He said coldly.

She gritted her teeth and turned around to leave feeling a mixture of anger at Jax for being so confusing and at herself for wanting something she knew she shouldn't have.

* * *

TJ woke up eventually and Jax took him over to Opie's to see Opie, Donna, and their kids. Opie and Jax talked for awhile about the drama going on in the club and Donna fed the kids. Once their lunch was finished Jax took TJ outside and he began to teach him how to work on a motorcycle. Opie had a few parts and pieces so the two of them showed TJ the tools and other metal parts. Opie wanted to show his son, but he was still too young and would have to wait about two years to learn too. The three of them enjoyed each other's company and only when TJ complained about being hungry Jax finally decided it was time for them to go.

He took TJ to Lumpy's since he still had yet to hear from Tara and he wasn't going to risk taking TJ to the club again just so they could get something to eat. He figured also it would be a good way to bond since it was only the two of them. As much fun as it was teaching him about bikes with Opie he had found himself jealous watching Opie and his son.

Opie was a natural with TJ and Jax still found himself struggling with how to communicate with TJ and how to act around him. He was still getting used to being a dad and as silly as it was to be jealous of Opie for knowing what to do he couldn't help himself. Jax continuously wondered that if he had been more involved in the beginning if he'd still be so terrible at this father thing.

"What are you gonna get?" Jax asked looking over the menu at TJ who was coloring on the little mate for kids the waitress had given him.

TJ shrugged. "When are we going to go back to Opie's? That was fun. I wanna learn more about that stuff. You're gonna teach me more, right?" TJ demanded to know.

Jax smirked, "you got two lessons in two days. There's only so much I can show you.

"Lowell was a good teacher. He was good at showing me the basics, but Opie was more adventurous and actually let me touch the tools. And when am I gonna get to ride?" TJ asked eagerly.

Jax laughed, "one thing at a time. First, did you learn anything that I taught you?"

TJ smirked and Jax felt like he was looking in a mirror.

"You were ok."

Jax rolled his eyes playfully and opened his mouth to call him a smart ass when the bell over the door rang and a woman with messy curly blonde hair walked in.

Jax froze when Wendy looked directly over at them and then began to saunter over. He took one look at her and knew that she was high as a kite. She was wobbling on her heels and knocking past waitresses who openly glared at her. Jax looked hurriedly at TJ and found him coloring on the mate again.

"Hey, how about you wash up for dinner?" Jax suggested.

TJ looked at him weirdly and then shrugged. "Why?"

"Because it keeps you healthy." Jax said and then nodded at the bathrooms.

TJ rolled his eyes and then got out of the booth to stomp his way to the bathroom.

Jax breathed a sigh of relief as he left and Wendy came over to the table. He didn't want to subject TJ to the horrors of a drugged out Wendy. He wanted to protect his son from his mistakes and keeping him away from Wendy seemed to be the best way. Besides she was on drugs and no kid should have to see that.

He glared at her as she slid into the booth across from him.

"What the fuck, Wendy? What do you want?" he snarled at her.

Wendy pouted, "Jax? Come on. Come home. I really need you."

"What part of I want a divorce don't you understand? Get out of here Wendy. I'm busy."

"With that kid? Is he yours?" Wendy asked sadly.

Jax sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Just sign the divorce papers, Wendy. We're done."

"Is it because the doctor is back?" Wendy demanded.

Jax gritted his teeth. "It has nothing to do with Tara. Just be out of the house by Saturday and leave the papers signed on the table." He said eyeing the bathroom door hoping that he could get rid of Wendy before TJ returned.

Wendy stared at him and he glared at her waiting for her to get out of the booth.

"I found this in your drawer." She said tossing a picture on the table.

Jax stared down at the picture on the table and felt guilty for not caring at all that Wendy had found it. The picture was one of Tara and himself when they were young. It was taken on his sixteenth birthday when he had gotten to ride the bike he'd worked so hard on to build. They both looked happy in the picture and it was one of his favorites of them together. It showed how carefree they were and how much they loved each other. It was a love that didn't go away not even after almost a decade apart.

"Just tell me it's because of the doctor and I'll leave." She said desperately.

"Why does it matter?"

"I just need a reason why. I did everything for you Jax, but I was never good enough. It was always her, wasn't it?" she asked quietly.

Jax looked away not wanting to have this conversation. "There are other reasons too."

"You never stopped loving her." Wendy stated.

Jax glanced over at the bathroom door just in time to see TJ come out of it. He saw him begin to walk over to the table and then hesitate. Jax opened his mouth to call out to him, but then the door opened once again and this time Tara came in. She didn't look happy though and he'd bet everything he owned it was because she had seen Wendy.

"You need to leave." He stated not wanting to deal with this anymore. He had damage control to do now with both Tara and TJ.

"I—" Wendy began, but was cut off by TJ approaching the table followed by Tara.

"Hi." Tara said looking at Wendy and then giving Jax a tight lipped smile.

"Wendy was just leaving." Jax said giving Wendy a meaningful glare.

"Jax—" Tara started, but noticed the picture on the table. She stopped talking not knowing how to take the image being there after so much time. She looked over at Jax with wide eyes and then at Wendy.

Wendy rolled her eyes and eased herself out of the booth. "You must be the doctor." Wendy said standing in front of Tara.

Tara raised an eyebrow at her and then put a hand on her son's shoulder pulling him a bit closer to her.

"I am." She said.

Wendy looked her over and then she zeroed in on TJ who was looking at her with much the same look Tara was.

"Good luck." Wendy said and then turned to walk out of Lumpy's.

The three of them stood there for a minute neither Jax nor Tara knew what to say and TJ was still too young to understand what had just happened.

"So I have dinner at home." Tara said breaking the awkward tension between herself and Jax.

"We didn't order." Jax said uncomfortably.

"You're welcome to come to dinner if you'd like." She said politely.

Jax nodded.

Tara mirrored his movement and she turned to leave the restaurant with TJ following her. Jax made sure to grab the picture, threw a ten on the table, and then left driving the short distance to Tara's.

* * *

Once they got into the house TJ set the table and Tara began to dish out the food she had bought home with her on her way from the hospital.

"I couldn't reach you on the phone and when I called Opie he said that you guys went to Lumpy's." she explained unnecessarily as she made up a plate for TJ and set it down in front of him. He eagerly ate the meal oblivious to the adults' tension.

"Wendy just showed up." Jax blurted out.

"Ok." Tara said not knowing what else to say.

"I've been trying to get her to sign the divorce papers." He added.

"Ok." Tara said picking at her meal.

"Is Wendy your wife?" TJ asked curiously.

Jax shifted uncomfortably. "Ex wife."

"So I don't have to call—"

"What did you guys do today?" Tara asked not wanting to hear the end of TJ's sentence. She had a feeling it would make her angry.

"I'm learning about bikes." TJ said excitedly and then began to explain to her what he had learned.

The rest of dinner passed much as it had the night before. The tension was still thick, but TJ was a good distraction and kept the conversation flowing. After dinner though was a problem since he disappeared to go read a book for school and Tara began to clean up. Jax started to help her, but the tension was so thick he knew he had to break it.

"I want to apologize." He said abruptly.

"I don't care about Wendy. She's your wife, that's not my business." Tara said quickly ducking her head as she did the dishes so that her hair became a curtain between them.

"I want to apologize about how we left things. It kinda occurred to me I never got around to doing that the first night we talked. So I'm sorry for acting how I did, saying what I did, and not getting a chance to say goodbye." He said putting a hand on her arm to turn her so that they were facing each other.

Tara nodded, "Thanks."

"I was an asshole and you…I can understand you wanting to leave, but I wanted you to stay with me. After you left…I just really regret the words that were said between us." He said struggling to articulate what he wanted to say.

"I regret that too." She whispered looking away.

"I also want you to know that I am really proud of you for going out there and achieving your dream. I never said that either. I mean, I kinda did, but I just need you to know that I'm sorry and you're…you've done really well for yourself especially with the circumstances." He said quietly.

She smiled and nodded, "Thanks."

"I was also wondering if, until you guys leave maybe I could come over for dinner? I wanna spend time with TJ, but I also wanna see you too." Jax said looking into her eyes and hoping to convey how serious he was. He also wanted her to understand that the feelings he had long ago buried were swiftly coming to the surface. The more time he spent around her the more aware he was of his feelings for her, the feelings that never went away.

Tara bit her lip trepidation seeping out of her eyes. He waited with baited breath for an answer hoping that she would say yes.

"I guess that would be a good idea." She said finally.

Jax smiled and leaned in to hug her. She stiffened at first, but melted into his embrace. She closed her eyes wanting to hold on to the moment. All too soon he pulled away and she reluctantly turned back to the dishes.

They worked in silence until Jax received a page from the club and had to go. He said goodbye to TJ and Tara watched him get on his bike remembering so many other times he had driven off into the night and she had worried about him. Sometimes even with the passing of time some things never changed.

(A/n: So what did you think? More will be soon! it's my bday this week so the update might take a bit longer. Please review! next up will be Tara and Jax getting closer among other things.)


	10. Chapter 10: Her Crossroads

**Author's Note:** Thank you everyone for reviewing AND the birthday wishes! I apologize the chapter took so long! My birthday got in the way, my GRE studying got in the way, my calc test got in the way, and finally i had the stomach flu. ANyway thank you everyone for reading and reviewing! This chapter was a bit difficult I was going to leave off at a cliff hanger, but i think you guys have had enough of those. I'm a bit hesitant of the ending since I'm not sure how the development went. I feel like it was too soon so I would very much appreciate to know what you guys think about the chapter! Please review! More will be soon also I'm not sure yet about the Abel/Wendy storyline. I know a few of you want it, but I have yet to decide. Also I will incorporate a Jax/Frank convo _Chuckysma_! And there will be more wendy, sadly also Tara will be kicking some ass no worries!

**Thank you to: Guest, Ellavm18, luverofthings, Jessica, kanikafultz123, Chuckysma, newfiegirl, Guest, irihapeti96, saracollier, Sarah, tiffanyblueyes05, kimmeyer7399, NaeNae78, Megcherie26, shannie83, Animelover6000, shaniatasmanx, Guest, reapergirl20141, pacspoon, cec0020, muzzarae, india-guest, scholzjamielynn, Samatha Renk, Cindy Burick, &amp; JaraSoa2008!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 10: Her Crossroads**

Tara stared out the window pensively. She subconsciously watched the neighborhood go about their morning rituals without actually seeing what was going on.

She had been in Charming for almost a week at this point and had no idea what to do about Jax. Hell, not just Jax – she had no idea what to do about her job offer in Chicago or her dying father. The last week had been difficult to say the least. She felt an odd mixture of emotions because of her father who repeatedly told her that he loved her, but then would turn around and give her a back handed comment usually about Jax.

If that wasn't uncomfortable enough she had to also deal with TJ's growing delight of having Jax around. Tara continuously had to hear about how "Jax did this" or "Jax did that." She didn't mind it, she was glad for it, but she couldn't help to feel a little jealous of their quickly growing relationship. She had known before that they would be two peas in a pod, but she still felt a little jealous. On one hand her heart swelled watching them together and she couldn't help, but feel at ease watching them interact knowing that it should've been like this since the beginning.

She let her mind roam to how they could have this all the time every day for the rest of their lives.

Although on the other hand she felt jealous of how easy they were together. She had, had TJ all to herself for almost nine years, but watching TJ and Jax together you would never have known that they had just met a week prior. She wanted them to have a close relationship, but she wasn't sure what the future held so she was a bit apprehensive about the situation.

"What are we doing today?" TJ asked coming to sit next to Tara on the couch.

She glanced away from Mrs. O'Grady yelling at her grandsons on the front lawn to turn to her son. She gave him a tired smile and ran a hand through his thick blonde hair.

"We're going to the hospital."

TJ scowled, "Can't I just stay with Jax?"

"You don't wanna see Frank?" she asked surprised. Like Jax TJ had taken to Frank too. Tara suspected it was because Frank told him stories and snuck him his pudding cups from the tray of food the nurses gave him when she 'wasn't looking.'

"Well can't we see him tomorrow?" TJ asked glancing out the window behind his mother. Tara knew he was waiting to see if Jax would come see them this morning like he had done for the last several day.

She sighed and bit her lip debating on how to appropriately reveal the truth to TJ without completely destroying his innocence. He was still her baby and she couldn't bare to tell him that his grandfather whom he had just met was probably going to die soon and that eventually they would need to head back to Chicago thus subsequently leaving Jax.

"Baby, I know this is kind of odd for you to understand, but Frank isn't…you know he's not well." Tara began watching her son for any clue to how he was taking this.

"I know that's why we're here." TJ said looking up at her with big blue eyes.

"Yes, but he's not going to get better…Thomas he's probably going to leave us very soon." Tara said delicately.

TJ frowned not quite grasping what his mother was saying. "Like on a trip? I thought he was sick."

Tara chewed on her bottom lip and reached over to pull him closer. "He's dying, Thomas, I know it's—"

"When is he going to die?" TJ blurted out.

"Well you can't plan these things, you know. It could be this week it could be next. I don't know, but I think we should spend as much time as we can with him. I know you like spending time with Jax and we can do that too, but today lets go see Frank."

TJ nodded slowly, "what happens when Frank dies?"

Tara looked away and back towards the window wondering exactly what she should tell him since in all honestly she had no fucking clue. She had been wondering the same damn thing since Jax had apologized a few nights previously for their past. She wanted to stay. Everything in her heart told her that she should stay, that the long hidden feelings she had, had for him were still there.

Although her brain was telling her to get the fuck out of Charming and back to her shiny new doctor position in Chicago. She had no idea what to do and reluctantly saw the crossroad she was fast approaching.

* * *

The ride to the hospital was quiet and Tara had a slight suspicion that TJ was angry with her. TJ hadn't said anything since she told him that she didn't know what would happen after Frank died. She wanted to be honest with him, but it was difficult to do since he was only eight years old and still saw the world in a black and white sense instead of the grey that was truly the world.

They arrived, parked, and went to Frank's room to find about five people in his room wearing lab coats. Tara recognized them immediately as interns and glanced at Frank's head doctor Dr. Henry who was asking them a question about Frank's condition. Without really paying attention she interrupted the intern's stuttering answer and told him the right one.

Dr. Henry smiled at her and nodded.

"Very good Tara. You're going to make a great doctor when you go back to Chicago." Dr. Henry said with an odd twinkle in his eye.

She blushed and shrugged, "thanks."

TJ rolled his eyes and crawled into the seat beside the hospital bed. He looked down at Frank noting how tired and sickly he looked.

Tara watched her son stare at Frank and she wondered if bringing him was the best idea. Frank was slowly deteriorating before their eyes and as much as she wanted to give her father his dying wishes she couldn't help, but wonder if calling Jax to pick TJ up would be a better plan.

"How are you, kid?" Frank asked once the doctors left.

TJ shrugged, but then smiled when he began to relate to his grandfather all of the cool things he had gotten to do in the last few days. Frank listened attentively as did Tara, until she was asked to come into the hallway by Dr. Henry.

"I'll be right back." She said, but neither Frank nor TJ acknowledged her leaving.

She went into the hallway and gave Dr. Henry and tentative smile. She braced herself for the worst in hearing her father's condition and put on her indifferent doctor persona. As much as her father had hurt her throughout her life he was still her dad and the more she saw him slipping away the harder it was to endure.

"Tara, you're a smart girl." Dr. Henry said moving out of the way of a nurse wheeling a patient down the hall.

Tara nodded not fully comprehending where he was going to go with this. She wondered how he was going to lead into what was going on her father when he started with such an odd statement.

"One of our doctors has left us. She moved to Denver to work in the Neonatal wing at their new hospital. Her husband was the head of the Oncology unit here and it's been a pretty big loss. They were very good doctors, but things change. Currently we are looking for a doctor to fill his position, but I know that you are going to do Neonatal work in Chicago, right?" Dr. Henry said.

Tara nodded feeling a bit tongue tied at where the path of this conversation was going. She was slowly, but surely putting her walls down as she listened to him speak and she knew that this wasn't about her father. It was about her and her career.

"Our Neonatal unit is in need of a good doctor. We currently have four who are excellent and I think you could learn a lot from them. I know that Chicago offered you a great position in their Neonatal wing, but I'm willing to match the salary and then some." Dr. Henry said.

"You are?" Tara asked dumbly completely unable to understand what was going on. She was being offered a job, that much she knew, but should she take it? This was her way out. She could stay in Charming, but was that what she wanted?

She loved Chicago and she loved the hospital she was going to work at. Could she really come back to Charming? Was this actually happening?

"I mean the Chief of Surgery. He would like to meet you, but I wanted to introduce you to the idea. I know it's a lot to take in so please think about it." He said smiling at her.

"What does the position entail? I would be a Pediatric surgeon in Chicago." She asked.

"You would do Neonatal work and Pediatric. We need a good surgeon and I think you would be perfect."

"How do you know that?" she blurted out.

Dr. Henry smiled and glanced over at the door to her father's room. "Tara, I've talked to you on many occasions in terms of your father. On top of that you're smart, driven, and you honestly could go anywhere. I'm offering you a good starting position for your career and I know that Chicago would look better on a resume, but you could go far in this hospital. I could see you as Chief of Surgery."

Tara blushed and looked away unsure what to say to that.

"Just think about it. I'll give you a week. You have my number and if you decide yes I'll set you up in a meeting with the Chief." Dr. Henry said patting her on the shoulder and then turning to leave.

Tara watched feeling shocked by the sudden turn of events. Moments later TJ stuck his head out of the room and gave her an odd look.

"Grandpa wants you to get us hamburgers." He said.

Tara nodded and then gave him a small smile. "He's grandpa now, huh?"

TJ shrugged and chose not to respond.

"So is Jax going to be dad now, too?" she asked.

TJ rolled his eyes and gave her a smirk. "Don't forget the extra pickles."

She smiled and kissed him on the forehead. "No problem. Now go ask him about the time where he found Jax sleeping on our porch." She said winking at him.

TJ's smirk widened and he nodded before going back into the room. Her smiled fell slowly from her face and she went off to go get them lunch, thankful for the distraction since it seemed that she had a lot to think about now.

* * *

That night Jax came over for dinner like he had been for the last few days. Dinner had quickly become Tara's favorite time of day since after the hospital she came home, prepared dinner while TJ read, then Jax came home and they did the normal things, like ask what they did that day.

Every time she looked over at Jax animatedly telling some story about his chaotic day she felt comforted that maybe this time around they could actually do this. TJ was always in awe of his stories, which Tara was pretty sure they were fake. When they were young and he began to prospect he barely ever told her what happened with the club. Initially she thought it was because he didn't trust her, but as time went on she realized it was actually because he didn't want to involve her in the club.

She was fine with it then, but what about now? How was she and TJ going to stay out of club business if they moved back? She had moved away with TJ to keep him away from the violence and danger of the club. Would moving back make the last eight years a moot point? Where did she go from here?

"…It was pretty sick. I'll show you the bike tomorrow maybe if your mom let's me take you for the day." Jax finished his story.

"Mom can I please go with Jax tomorrow? Please? Pretty please?" TJ whined pouting at his mother. Jax chuckled at him and looked over at Tara.

Tara blinked coming out of her thoughts and gave them a smile. "Sure." She said knowing that tomorrow she should spend it with Frank alone.

Before they left Dr. Henry talked to her again, this time about her father. He estimated a few more weeks, but Tara knew her father was stubborn and would probably last at least a few more months. She had a feeling he would see the New Year, which was only four weeks away.

"So how's Frank?" Jax asked trying to keep the distaste out of his tone as TJ shoveled more food into his mouth.

"Woaw kid! Slow down there." He said laughing as TJ attempted to talk through his full mouth. TJ made some sounds and the potatoes that were in his mouth scattered down his chin making Jax laugh harder.

Tara rolled her eyes at the two of them, although she couldn't help, but enjoy the sight. She watched them the rest of dinner and once TJ excused himself to go finish his pirate book she knew she should talk to Jax about what was going on.

"Dinner was great." He said helping her clean up the table.

She smiled, "you say that every night."

"Because it's great every night."

She shook her head and began to clean the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. Jax finished carrying the dishes to the sink and watched her like he did every night. He couldn't help it. She was so hypnotizing even when she was doing something so ordinary.

She was beautiful to look at with her thick dark hair piled on her head. Her green eyes carefully looking over the dishes to make sure she got everything and then his favorite part – when she bent down to load the dishwasher. He loved it especially when her shirt raised up a bit and he could see the bottom of her tattoo. He wasn't sure how he'd gone so long without looking at her, but now that she was back he couldn't get enough.

"So how is Frank?" he asked again having not gotten a reply earlier.

She sighed and paused in scrubbing at a dish.

"Not good." She said setting the dish down. She turned to him fully and then nodded towards the living room. He nodded back understanding what she wanted without her needing to say anything. He walked over to the couch and she sat beside him. She put her hands in her lap and playing with the edge of her shirt not knowing where to start.

"I—" she began.

"Tara—" he began at the same time.

She blushed and he gave her a sheepish look.

"You go." She said since she still had to figure out what to say to him.

"Tara…" he started again and then surprised them both by taking her hands. He looked into her bright green eyes and held her gaze.

"I want you to stay in Charming." He blurted out.

"Jax—" she began knowing it was more difficult that just saying 'yes.' Although with the way he was looking at her she was pretty close to just saying 'yes.'

"Please just hear me out. I want you to stay in Charming. I want this again. I want us and TJ is—"

"Jax it's not so simple." She said quietly cutting him off.

Jax scowled, "well can you at least think about it before saying no?"

"I didn't say no."

"But you don't seem so thrilled about it either."

"It's not that, I just want to be realistic. I have a job offer in Chicago and I have a life in Chicago. I'm just here temporarily you know this." She said gritting her teeth. This wasn't what she needed to figure out whether she should stay or go. She wanted to think without any persuasion from Jax. She wanted to make sure that if she stayed it was her own decision and nobody else's.

"What about Thomas? What about what's good for him? I want to be in his life since you didn't give me that chance before! You owe me that." he snapped.

She scowled and slid her hands out of his. "What if I do go back to Chicago?" she demanded to know.

"I want custody Tara. I want to visit him or for him to come here, whatever. I just want to be there for him." He said angrily.

Tara frowned and thought back to Gemma's words about taking TJ from her.

"Are you going to take my son away, Jax?" she whispered already feeling a sharp ache in her chest.

Jax frowned and stared at her in bewilderment. "What? No! I just want to be involved. Why would you say that?"

"Gemma said—"

"Gemma said! God, Tara how many times have I told you to not listen to my mother? What did Gemma say?" he demanded.

"Just that if I left she'd find a way to keep TJ here. She said she'd make sure you had rights to him." She said running a hand through her hair.

Jax's scowl deepened. "I'll talk to her, but just… I want to be involved I'm not going to take him away from you. I don't want it to come to that."

She was quiet letting his words sink in.

"I also want you to stay. I need you to stay." He said taking her hand again.

She looked up at him and saw the mixture of emotions in his eyes, anger, fear, longing, lust, and sadness.

"Please, Tara. Please stay." He said hating himself a little bit for sounding like such a pussy. Jackson Teller didn't beg and he would deny this moment for the rest of his life, but he desperately wanted her to stay. He wasn't sure if he could take her leaving again.

"What happens if I do?" she whispered.

He grinned happy that she was at least considering it. His answer was automatic. "We can be together. You can work at the hospital. TJ can go to school and we can make our family bigger. We can do everything we wanted to when we were young."

She bit her lip and looked away contemplating what he was saying. She wanted everything he said, but was it enough? Could they be happy together? They had been once, but they were older now with more problems and she knew that as much as she wanted Jax to just be her's he was still involved with the club.

She couldn't deal with everything the first time, but could she do it almost a decade later? Was she strong enough? Stable enough? In love enough? To deal with everything that the club stood for.

She looked up at him and saw the love shining through his eyes as clear as day. The intense look made her stomach quiver in need and she desperately wanted to stay. She had wanted a lot of things in her life and staying in Charming was never one of them, but when Jax gave her the look he was giving her now and the love in his eyes she knew she wanted that. She wanted to see TJ and Jax's bond grow. She wanted to build a life with Jax. She wanted to explore what they once had and have it expand. But most of all she never wanted to feel like she had for the last nine years with out him, completely empty.

She'd only been home a week and she was getting ready to throw all her hard work away for the man who had stolen her heart years earlier. She had finally arrived at the crossroads and she knew he deserved an answer. It was one word and yet it was so hard for her to say especially since she wasn't sure what road was the best road.

"Ok." She finally croaked out.

Jax's smile was blinding and he moved in to kiss her, but she went to stand up and get out of the way. She gave him a sheepish look and tried to ignore the hurt in his eyes.

"I'll stay, but you have to give me time. I can't…I mean you're still married and…I'm just not…ready." She stuttered out.

Jax put his hands up in a surrender motion. "That's fine. We can go slow." He said.

She nodded and wrapped her arms around her torso. "There's just a lot at stake and we have a lot to talk about. Especially with the club and TJ." She said wanting him to understand that they still had a ways to go in terms of figuring out parenting together and their relationship.

Jax nodded and stood up knowing that their road wouldn't be easy, but he figured that at least he got her to say that she would stay. He gave her an awkward hug and then went to TJ's room to tell him 'goodbye.' When he came back he gave Tara a lingering look and then headed out the door.

He understood Tara's concerns for them starting a relationship again, but he also didn't want to waste any more time. They had wasted nine years without the other one and he was ready to be with her again. He just had to figure out how to convince her that he wasn't going to hurt her again and that this time around would be different.

(A/n: What did you think? Please review! Next up is TJ/Jax bonding, Jax reveals some stuff, and some plotting to win over Tara is done. More will be soon! Also I just want to let you guys know that the club visit, Tara's priorities with TJ's future and putting the kid first, and their growth of their relationship will not be swept under the rug. They will all be dealt with eventually. )


	11. Chapter 11: His Plan

**Authors' Note:** I apologize profusely for the long wait! I'm really sorry! Life keeps getting in the way. I have a lot going on, but I promise I'll be finishing the story. I foresee the whole thing to be about 20 chapters. Just a forewarning. Also a few people have mentioned what they'd like to see happen if anyone else has any requests let me know! I will be adding a day of Tara/Jax/Thomas bonding it should be in the next chapter. Also _Guest_ who asked "How can I get updated when you have a new chapter?" I think you have to sign in and become a member. I'm not sure of any other ways other than anyone else does please let me know and I'll pass it along. Also I apologize for the slow pace, but it will speed up I promise! More will be soon! I'm going to try going back to updating once a week. Anyway THANK YOU EVERYONE who read, reviewed, favorited, and followed! I really appreciate it! and you guys are what makes me continue writing especially with the encouragement! Luckily we had a snow day so i got to write this chapter. Anyway I hope you like it and please review!

**Thank you to: Guest, Gladz08, Guest, Guest, treebry2121, Guest, india-guest, swell5, Guest, kristyall37, Guest, shaniatasmanx, Running-Wild22, tamarabodnar17, scholzjamielynn, Guest, Cindy Burick, NaeNae78, Mrssilvers, tiffanyblueyes05, thisiswhyiloveit, wiccangrrl13, Ellavm18, reapergirl20141, cec0020, JaraSoa2008, RhondaL, Mrscramer84, Hollywoodlove09, Guest, Samantha Renk, shannie83, &amp; GoodGirlGoneBad1984! **

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 11 His Plan**

"Hey." Jax said coming into the garage's office.

His mother was stationed behind the desk much like she was every Monday morning. The talk with Tara had gone well overall, but the subject that bothered him were the words his mother said to Tara and the involvement Gemma had in his life. He understood her concern for his wellbeing and he understood that Gemma just wanted what was best for him, but the situation with Tara was on him. Thomas was his kid and Tara was his…whatever she was, but regardless they were his responsibility and he would be the one to determine the outcome. He didn't need his mother bargining for him about his kid and threatening Tara when he was trying to do right by her and fix their strained relationship.

"Hey, baby, what are you doing here?" Gemma asked surprised at seeing him in the garage so early. She wasn't even through her first cup of coffee yet and Jax was barely ever up this early. She had a pretty strong suspicion that his early morning visit was probably related to Tara or Thomas.

"I came to talk to you." Jax said sitting down in the chair near the desk.

Gemma put down her pen and gave him an innocent smile.

Jax regarded his mother through knowing eyes. He debated if he should jump into the issue or slowly drag it out.

"I've been spending some time with Thomas and Tara." He began watching her carefully to see how she would take the news.

When he had brought Thomas to the shop that day, his mother hadn't been happy. Gemma, Jax knew wanted to get to know her grandson, but she was hesitant since she knew Tara and what she had planned once her father was dead. Gemma still assumed that Tara was leaving and Jax figured that when she found out that Tara was actually staying Gemma would be much more willing to get to know her grandson. She had told him that day that he should get to know his son, but to remember to not get too attached. Jax could see in her eyes that day how badly she wanted to spend time with Thomas, but she had her reservations. Jax didn't blame her though he did too.

"Yeah, Clay told me that you haven't been around much. Don't let your priorities get screwed up, Jax. Tara is going to be leaving soon." Gemma said and then turned back to the paper work she had been doing.

"Tara's not leaving." Jax said sitting back in the chair.

"I asked her to stay." He added smirking slightly when he saw his mother freeze.

"And you think she'd going to this time? What about her big fancy doctor job in Chicago? She didn't settle before why would she now?" Gemma said in annoyance at the brunette that had stolen her son's heart.

"It's going to be different this time." he protested.

Gemma sighed and looked at her son sadly. "How do you know that? How do you know that she's not just trying to butter you up so when you fight over Thomas you won't fight as hard because you still love her?"

Jax gritted his teeth and glared at her. "You really think she'd manipulate me like that? You really think she'd do that to me?"

"If you don't fight her how else will he stay here?" Gemma asked.

Jax looked away and out the window knowing he had to choose his words carefully. His mother was always plotting and could be scarier than Happy at times.

"This thing between Tara and I…it's between Tara and I. I don't want you telling Tara I'm going to fight for a kid that isn't even leaving this town. I want you to stay out of it and everything that happens between Tara, Thomas, and I it's only between the three of us. If I want your help with something I'll ask." He said and then got up before his mother could protest or say something to make him question himself or his deicison.

He heard her sputter some sounds and as he reached the doorway he turned around to give her a charming smile.

"Also, I'm not in love with Tara." He said and as he left he thought he heard his mother say 'don't lie to your mother.'

* * *

A few hours later Jax found himself in the car on his way to the park. Tara had packed them a nice lunch before she headed to the hospital. Since it was such a nice day he figured that going to the park would be a good idea. He wanted to take his bike, but Tara insisted on the car much to Jax and Thomas's chagrin. He had thought about coming back early and taking the bike out for a little while, but he was trying to get on her good side plus he still had to tell her about the club visit that he'd been putting off for awhile now.

"Mom told me we're staying here." TJ said breaking the silence.

"Yeah? And are you excited?" Jax asked hopefully.

TJ shrugged, "I guess. It kinda sucks though. I'll miss my friends." He admitted.

Jax frowned not liking his answer. "You'll make new ones."

"What's it like here?" TJ asked curiously.

"You've been here for about two weeks. You should know already." Jax said laughing.

TJ shook his head, "I mean at the school. Are people nice?"

"Oh…uh…yeah." Jax said scratching his head awkwardly.

He honestly had no recollection of his school years other than getting pussy from the 7th grade until he started dating Tara in Sophomore year of high school. Plus some pot, cigarettes, and the debauchery Opie and him indulged in. From the time he and Tara dated until she left all he really saw was her. Anything that had to do with Tara he remembered, but the rest of it he really couldn't give a shit about. Tara was his life for three full years –although it was actually a few more years than that since he liked her for longer than he'd admit to anyone – until she left him and if someone asked him how high school was he'd say it was great because he had her.

"Mom said you dropped out." TJ said watching him closely.

"Yeah, but Tara was always great at school. She loved it." Jax said sheepishly.

"I like it too." TJ commented.

"When do you start?" Jax asked curiously.

TJ shrugged, "probably after the holidays. Mom has to go talk to the school people."

Jax nodded and pulled into the parking lot at the park. He parked next to a green mini van and moved to get out of the car. It was only after he was out did he notice TJ hesitating.

"What's wrong?" Jax asked sticking his head back in the car.

TJ fidgeted nervously and Jax watched as he began to run a hand through his hair, much like he did when there was something on his mind that he wanted to get out, but had no idea how to.

Jax got back in the car and waited until TJ finally summed up the courage to ask whatever was on his mind.

"What—" Jax started, but was cut off by TJ.

"Do you still love my mom?" TJ blurted out making Jax freeze.

Jax stared at the kid in front of him and wondered if he should lie like he had to his own mother that morning. On the other hand though he didn't want to lie to the kid and he wanted to give the kid hope that maybe everything could work out how it was supposed to. But he also knew that he and Tara had a long way to go before they were ok again and he didn't want to give TJ false ideas of what could happen.

Not to mention Wendy had finally signed the divorce papers and now all they had to do was wait until everything went through and finally the sham of a marriage to Wendy would be over.

He knew Tara wanted to go slowly and she felt weird about him still being married, but he knew she'd come around. He just had to have a plan to win her over.

"So do you?" TJ asked impatiently.

"I…" Jax trailed off and took a deep breath wondering if what he was about to say was the best answer. "Yeah, I do." Jax said finally feeling weird that they were even having this conversation.

TJ smirked and nodded, "Cool."

He jumped out of the car and then ducked his head back in when Jax was left in the car staring at him.

"You know, you should ask her out. When mom makes me watch those stupid romantic comedies with the big haired guys and silly chicks she always tells me that if I want any girl I should 'woo' them. Whatever that means. So maybe you should do that." TJ said smirking at the stunned look on Jax's face.

Jax finally snapped to and got out of the car staring at his son.

"First, how do you know about any of that stuff? Second, Teller men don't have to 'woo' women. They are charming all on their own. And third, why is your mother making you watch romantic comedies?" Jax asked appalled.

TJ shrugged, "they're on TV sometimes. You should try the wooing thing though. She likes that one movie with the guy holding the stereo and that other one with the guy in the red car about the girl's birthday. Oh! And the one about dancing."

Jax laughed and shook his head. "I'm not taking a move from a movie. Like I told you Teller men don't need to do any of that. We're awesome all on our own and original."

TJ smirked and shrugged again moving to go towards the swings. "Whatever you say, dad."

Jax felt his heart swell at hearing that word and he tried to keep the smile from his face as he watched TJ swing.

Despite telling his son he wasn't going to be 'wooing' Tara he couldn't get the thought out of his mind for the rest of the day.

* * *

"Don't say dinner was great, it was total crap." Tara warned that night as she cleaned the kitchen.

Jax put his hands up in a surrender motion and instead helped her. They were quiet as they cleaned and once it was done they went to sit in the living room. TJ was in his room watching one of the shows he liked so they had the living room to themselves and Tara was grateful for it since she wanted to bring some things up with him now that they were staying in Charming.

She gave him a beer and she poured herself a glass of wine before taking a seat on the couch beside him.

"I was thinking tomorrow maybe we could spend the day together?" she suggested.

Jax grinned and through and arm across the back of the couch subtly moving closer to her. "Sure. What—"

"At the hospital." She cut off apologetically.

Jax cringed and nodded. "I guess…but there's also something I wanna ask you." he said hesitantly.

"Sure, but there are a few other things too."

"Come one we've had all these serious talks lately can't we just…relax." Jax said giving her a charming smile.

Tara rolled her eyes, but relented since she was also tired of having these over serious talks. She appreciated them and they needed to be had, but she also just wanted a carefree night with him without any long conversations about the future.

She leaned back into the couch and drank her wine listening to Jax tell her about his day. She laid her head on the back of the couch her hair tickled his arm and she watched with satisfaction as he shivered slightly at the simple touch. She shifted slightly closer as he talked and he moved his arm from the back of the couch to rest around her shoulders.

"So I was thinking maybe tomorrow you'd like to go out?" he said causing her to choke on her wine. She coughed and he handed her a napkin to clean the wine she'd spilled up. When she was controlled she turned to him with wide green eyes and stared at him.

"Like out? As in a date?"

He shrugged like it was no big deal. "Yeah, why not."

"Because we hardly went on dates when we were dating unless you count all the parties we went to." She said incredulously.

He raised an eyebrow at her and waited for her reply.

"Yeah, ok, but only if Donna and Opie can watch TJ." She said quietly trying to act nonchalant about it.

Jax nodded, "ok."

She smiled slightly. "Alright."

They both gave each other shy smiles and neither could help, but think that they felt like they were in high school again. Eventually they turned towards the TV that had been playing quietly in the corner and Tara leaned her head on Jax's shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her.

(A/n: So what did you think? Please review! Next up we have: Jax/frank talk, and the Jax/Tara date! And also how long is Tara gonna hold out from being with Jax. More will be soon!)


	12. Chapter 12: How We Make Promises

**Author's Note:** I apologize for the long wait! School has eaten my soul. Especially Calculus. Plus i have to work more house because of financial issues. Adult life sucks. THANK YOU EVERYONE for still reading, reviewing, and genuinely being awesome about this story! You guys rock!Anyway here's chapter 12 I think you guys will like it. If you don't like sexual explicit situations stop at the SECOND break. If you do then continue on! I hope you guys like it! Please review!

**Thank you to: decadenceofmycoul, Guest, Ricciardi78, shaniatasmanx, Megcherie26, Guest, india-guest, swell5, reapergirl20141, tiffanyblueyes05, austinmomma93, Sarah, Ellavm18, Guest, Wiccangrrrl13, cec0020, summertimeshine, Mrssilvers, Gladz08, Guest, Running-Wild22, JaraSoa2008, Cindy Burick, shannie83, Guest, Mscramer84, NaeNae78, cejsmom, Samatha Renk, RhondaL, tinerabrown1, &amp; Emeli Thorne!**

**Enjoy!**

**Warning: Sexually explicit situation (it's too early I can't remember what it's really called)**

**Chapter 12: How we make Promises  
**

"So you asked her, right?" TJ asked eagerly the next morning as Jax and him sat eating Fruit Loops and watching cartoons.

Tara was in the shower getting ready to go see Frank so Jax took over breakfast duty and getting TJ ready before they all headed to the hospital, much to Jax's chagrin. He had agreed the night before to go see Frank, but that didn't mean that he wanted to. He was solely doing this for Tara and he hoped that she knew that. He was looking forward to their date that night and he'd spent the morning researching restaurants and making sure taking TJ for the night was ok with Opie and Donna. Intially Jax asked them to take him for a few hours, but Donna kept insisting he stay the night.

"Yeah, we're going out tonight." Jax said watching the road-runner outsmart the coyote. He chuckled quietly and finished off his fruit loops before turning to TJ who was watching him.

"You're going to stay at Donna's. Is that alright?" he asked hesitantly.

TJ nodded, "yeah she makes awesome brownies. You're taking her somewhere nice though, right?" he asked narrowing his eyes at his father.

Jax smirked, "Of course, I've been trying to figure out where to take her. There aren't a lot of choices in Charming."

TJ shrugged, "then take her out of Charming. You know, there's a whole world outside of this town."

Jax chuckled, "when did you get so smart."

"I've always been smart." TJ said giving him a look.

"You must get it from your mother." Jax mused.

TJ smiled, "my father's not too dumb either."

Jax ruffled his hair and opened his mouth to retort when Tara came in wearing a pair of jeans and a black tank top. Her hair was down and quickly drying and she wore minimal make up. He thought she looked beautiful.

"Are you ready?" she asked speaking primarily to Jax who had never gotten along with her father.

"As I'll ever be." He said heavily.

The two stood up to join her and they grabbed their belongings before making their way to the Cutlass to drive to the hospital. The drive over was tense and Tara kept fiddling with the radio to try and ease it, but eventually she turned it off since nothing good was on. They pulled into the parking lot and Tara parked the car before they made their way in. Each step towards her father's room was getting more and more daunting until they were finally outside and the three members of the little family felt as if they were going into their execution.

"TJ should go first. Frank likes TJ." Tara said softly pushing TJ forward a little.

TJ scowled and glared at both of them. "He's not bad. I don't understand you guys." He said before waltzing into the room. They heard Frank greet him merrily. Tara and Jax exchanged looks and she sighed heavily before taking his hand and kissing him on the cheek.

"It'll be fine." she whispered and then headed in too.

Jax took a deep breath rubbed his now warm cheek and headed in after her bracing himself for the worst.

He looked at Frank hooked up to the various machines and thought about all of the times he had threatened and yelled at Jax. He tried to push those memories away before bravely acknowledging the man who had tried to keep him away from his daughter.

"Mr. Knowles." Jax greeted feeling like he was sixteen all over again and going out with Tara for the first time.

"Jackass." Frank snarled turning from TJ who had been telling him a story.

"What are you doing here?" Frank asked looking at Tara and Jax.

"He's here because I asked him to come, Frank." Tara said glancing nervously between the two.

"I'm on my deathbed, girl, are you trying to make me die unhappily?" Frank glared.

Tara sighed heavily and looked over at TJ who looked confused.

"Baby, how about you go get something from the vending machine. Anything you want." She said beckoning TJ forward.

TJ narrowed his eyes at her, but shrugged and took the offered two dollars before leaving the room.

"Frank, Jax is here because I want him here. It's nothing to do with you. We are…we are dating…again." She said trying not to sound as nervous as she felt.

Jax moved closer to her and took her hand. "I care about your daughter, Mr. Knowles, and I'm not going anywhere." He said repeating long ago words he'd spoken before.

"What do you want? My blessing?" Frank growled.

"Dad—" Tara began annoyed that this wasn't going at all like how she wanted, but then again when she'd asked Jax to come with them she wasn't sure what exactly she expected.

"Get out, Tara, I wanna talk to the little shit for a minute." Frank said.

Tara sighed heavily and looked at Jax for confirmation. He nodded somewhat reluctantly and she begrudgingly left the room.

There was a lengthy silence when she left and Jax and Frank stared at each other.

"I've never liked you, Jackass." Frank stated.

"I thought I was the little shit." Jax asked wearily.

Frank smirked, "you aren't so little anymore are you?"

Jax smiled despite himself and waited to see what else Frank had to say.

"I'm dying, Jackass, and I'll probably be dead before the end of the year. The doctors keep telling me I won't make it till Christmas, but…that's only a week away." He said looking out the window where the sun was bright and shiny.

"I wasn't a very good father to Tara, I wish I'd done a lot of things differently, but the one thing I'm glad she did was get out of here and become a doctor. She's a good girl, Jackson and she deserves the best." Frank paused his eyes still focused on the outside.

"I know what you had when you were young was intense and all that bullshit, but…she could do great things if only given the chance. If you are serious this time around and you want to date her, marry her, and raise that boy, I want you to promise you're going to protect her and not hold her back." Frank said softly.

Jax opened his mouth to reply that he would always protect her and promise to never hold her back, but Frank went on.

"When you dated in high school I was always so afraid she'd end up like one of those damn croweaters, she was better than that. She is better than that. She's a doctor now and she could do great things, but if you hold her back like you did in high school, by getting angry at her when she followed her dreams, she will give up everything for you. I know my daughter well even after all of this time and I know that if you ask her to give up her dreams she will. She'd give up a lot for you, Jackson, and I want you to promise me you'll never ask her to do that. She worked damn hard to get to where she is and I don't want her to give it all up for some guy. What I want you to promise me is to keep her out of danger and give her the best. I know you're involved with SAMCRO and I'm not asking you to give that up, but don't involve her either. Can you do all that, Jackass?" Frank asked finally looking over at Jax.

Jax nodded without hesitation. "Yeah I can do that, I promise." He said quietly.

Frank smirked and nodded, "I'm not giving you my blessing, Jackson."

Jax smirked back and didn't reply. He felt like he'd already gotten his blessing and he didn't point out how the man who'd only called him 'little shit' and 'jackass' had finally called him Jackson.

* * *

After the hospital visit Jax, Tara, and TJ headed home to get his things together before Jax took him over to Donna and Opie's so that Tara could clean a little and then get ready for dinner. On his way back to Tara's Jax stopped at his own house to change and take a shower. He had thought about wearing his kutte, but he wanted to look nice and decided to leave it at home. He chose a nice pair of jeans and button down black shirt. The weather was cool, but he decided to go without a jacket since they would be driving in the Cutlass or the rental car.

He rode over to her house on his bike and parked it in the driveway before going to open the door. At the last minute he thought better of it and knocked feeling like he was sixteen years old again and going on a date with Tara for the first time. It took her a minute to open the door, but when she finally did he felt the air in his lungs leave him.

She wore a bottle green silky dress that came up to right above her knees. The material swooshed around her legs and hugged her body in all the right ways. The dress was a halter one and her boobs, which were already delightful were pushed up giving her even more cleavage. The heels she wore made her legs look longer and he imagined them wrapped around his waist. Her hair was curled slightly and she had minimal make up on, just like she knew he liked it, at least on her.

On the croweaters he figured the more make up the better, to make them look more appealing. On Tara he loved her without make up, but even though he'd asked her for years to not wear any she never listened.

"You look amazing." He choked out wishing he didn't sound like such a pussy.

She blushed and opened the door wider. "Come in." she said and he noticed she gave him the once over too.

"You look very nice too." She said grabbing her purse. Her face was turned away from him or else he would've caught how red her cheeks had become.

"Thanks." He said checking out her backside, which the dress flattered tantalizingly.

"So where are we going?" she asked grabbing a light black blazer and leaving the house. She locked it up and then handed him the keys to the Cutlass knowing that if they took his motorcycle she'd be giving a show to everyone they'd pass.

He took the keys merrily and opened the door for her like a gentlemen.

"Lodi." He said.

After researching the restaurants in the area thoroughly he decided the best thing to do was get out of Charming and go somewhere else. Somewhere else they could pretend for a little while and he wasn't opposed to that. It was difficult when their past haunted them in Charming along with their mistakes that drove them apart.

"Where in Lodi?" she asked curiously.

He smirked and started the ignition. "You'll see." He said and she rolled her eyes playfully looking forward to a fun night just the two of them.

The drive to Lodi was pleasant with them reminiscing about their past together. They talked about some of the members of SAMCRO and Tara told him of her college days and her crazy roommates. They arrived at the restaurant, which was a small Italian one on the outskirts of the small city. Jax gave the host their name and he took them to a small table in the corner of the restaurant.

"This is really nice." Tara said quietly as she looked over the menu.

"Yeah." Jax said looking around the restaurat and taking notice of the other couples. He briefly wondered about their histories and if it was as complicated as Tara and his. He let his mind wander to what life would be like if they had been together all along and if they would ever be like these 'normal' couples surrounding them. He knew his involvement with SAMCRO was a big part of why they'd never be normal, but he had hope that someday they'd have their happily ever after with the white picket fence, and a few kids. He knew in his heart they'd find a way to be together and happy.

"That visit with your dad was interesting." He said as they looked over the menu.

She glanced over at him and winced. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I don't know what I was thinking when I asked you to come."

"It's fine, I think…I think it went ok." He said thinking about what Frank asked him to do. It wasn't that he liked Frank now, but he respected the man on some level and he understood why he asked him what he had. He loved Tara and Jax loved Tara so they needed to protect her. Jax could acknowledge that he wasn't all bad, but he still hated the guy for everything that had happened in their youth.

"What did he say to you?" Tara asked curiously. She had been dying to ask all day.

He smirked, "just stuff."

She scowled at his vagueness and looked back down at the menu.

The waiter came over at that moment and asked them their drink order. Jax tried to order a bottle of wine for dinner, but he knew nothing about wine and finally Tara had to intervine.

"You'll like it, it's very subtle." She said when the waiter left a smirk planted on his face.

Jax glared at the waiter walking away and turned back to Tara. "I could've ordered."

"You seemed like you were struggling." She said soothingly.

Jax scowled feeling annoyed with himself for getting so annoyed that he didn't know wines. He had never really enjoyed wine anyway, he was more of a beer guy. Why couldn't they have an adequate beer list?

"So I was wondering if maybe we could talk about TJ's future?" Tara said quietly.

Jax looked up trying to make himself less annoyed with his little knowledge of the finer things in life.

"What about it?" he asked forcing himself to act normal.

"You know I don't want him involved with SAMCRO later on, right?" she said quietly.

Jax stared at her blankly and wondered why she would bring this up now when they were at dinner.

"Tara—"

"Just – just listen. I want him to go to school and to get a job and to do legal things. I know he's fascinated by motorcycles and he's asked a hundred times about you and what little he knows of the club, but—"

"What has he asked about?" Jax asked feeling suddenly nervous and very aware there was still a big elephant in the room. He still had yet to tell her about their little visit to the club after she had expressed her feelings on TJ being anywhere near it. He had went against what she wanted and – yes he hadn't told her yet, but he would. Eventually. He knew he had to tell her before she found out on her own, because he knew she would, but he wanted to wait until the time was right. They had been doing so well and he wanted to keep it that way.

"Just small things I'd told him. You guys are a biker club. That's it. Unless you told him something else?" she asked hesitantly.

Jax shook his head vehemently and he felt like an asshole for lying to her face.

"I just, I want to give him options. It's important that TJ has future choices and isn't forced into SAMCRO like yo – some people." She said catching herself quickly.

Jax frowned, "but it's his legacy. It's not like I have any more sons to pass SAMCRO onto."

Tara sighed and looked away. "We aren't going to agree on this will we?"

Jax smirked, "probably not, but we have time. He's only eight."

"It goes quickly, Jax. Soon he'll be eighteen."

"Then we'll figure it out then."

She studied him with interest and he gulped his water with lemon nervously.

"You think we can really do this, this time?"

He nodded ardently. "Yeah, I can. I thought about you for almost nine years, Tara. I finally got you again and I'm not letting go. As long as you're willing to put up with me I – I will do whatever it takes to be with you, but don't ask me to do anything that you don't want to hear the answer to." He added hastily knowing that what really stood in the way was his involvement with the club and he wasn't about to give that up. He loved the club almost as he loved Tara and he wouldn't chose between them. If she loved him, really loved him she'd accept the club as her own.

She gave him a weak smile and took his hand in her own. "I know how you are, Jax, and I know if I ask you to quit it'll get ugly. I just want you to promise me if it gets too dangerous and…illegal you'll do what's right."

He hesitated for a fraction of a second and then he nodded wondering why today of all days he was making more promises in his life than he ever did before.

* * *

The rest of dinner passed quickly and quietly. They enjoyed one another's company without the added stress of Frank, the club, Gemma, or TJ. It was an evening of the two of them and when they got back to the house Jax was surprised when Tara invited him inside.

She poured them some more wine and they sat on the couch talking, until Jax finally decided to do something he had wanted to do all evening. He leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on her lips glad when she didn't try to avoid him or smack him for breaking her going slow request.

To his surprise she responded eagerly and pressed her tongue into the seam of his lips for entrance. Their tongues intertwined with each other and the gentle kiss turned hot and heavy within seconds. Jax pulled her closer so that she was straddling his lap and Tara unbuttoned the black shirt as quickly as possible. She detached from his lips for a nanosecond to pull the undershirt over his head and then she went back to kissing and nipping at every bit of skin she could reach. Jax let out a groan as she found that one area that no one else in the world could find, but her and she sucked on it, nipped it, and licked it, making him quiver beneath her.

"Tara, Tara, Tara, Tara." He repeated her name like a prayer and with a great strength he didn't know he possessed he pulled away from her. He looked into now dark liquid green eyes and tried to steady his breathing.

"Are you sure you want this?" he said knowing she had wanted to go slow.

She leaned up and kissed him sweetly on the lips and he took that as her answer. She wrapped her arms around his neck and brought him closer, rubbing her body seductively against his. Out of all of the women he had been with the only person who remotely made him feel like this was Tara. His hands caressed the soft porcelain skin of her thighs and steady they moved higher and higher until her dress was bunched around her waist. Neither of them thought of heading to a bed because all they could think about or concentrate on was each other.

"I need you, Jax, please." She whimpered into his ear and with those words he was a goner.

He moved her thong down her legs and she quickly undid his belt and pushed his pants and boxers done until his painfully thick erection was free. She stared at him for a minute with dark lustful eyes and he gave her a soft kiss on the lips as if to reassure her. He reached on the table beside the couch for his wallet and grabbed the condom out of it before quickly sliding the elastic on his thick length and then he grabbed her hips and centered her. Even with the condom on he could feel her warmth engulf him and he let out a low moan at the contact knowing that no one would feel the same way she did. No one ever felt the same way she did. Sliding into her was like coming home and being comfortable with everything in life. He craved the feelings that she gave him and he had spent more time than he'd ever admit trying to find that again, but the truth was there was no one like Tara or who came close to her. She was it for him and no other women would do.

She began to ride him slowly at first and then she picked the pace up. Her eyes stayed on his face and he refused to look anywhere, but at her.

When he had sex with other women he rarely wanted to see their face because all he saw was Tara, but now that he was finally with Tara again he needed to concentrat on her.

Her pace sped up and her fingers tangled in his hair giving a little yank at just the right time, like she knew he liked. She arched her back and with the new angle Jax could feel the mounting pressure. He didn't want to come before her so he reached down and began to rub he clit in tune with her pace. It felt like too short of a time after when she was tightening around him and he felt himself coming hard into the condom.

Even after they had both finished he stayed inside her and she refused to get off. They stared at each other both lost in the other, when finally she withdrew from him and stood up on shaky legs. He got rid of the condom and she offered him her hand. He gratefully took it and she led him to her bedroom without a word. Whether they would be commencing with round two or going to sleep he didn't care as long as he got to be with her.

(A/n): More will be soon! Next up is christmas dinner and FINALLy u guys get to see Tara find out the truth about the club visit. Please review!)


	13. Chapter 13: How Things Change

Author's Note: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! And thank you to everyone who is reading! School is kicking my ass, but only a few more weeks, so weird! We'll see how that goes. It was kinda weird talking about Christmas in this fic when it's finally getting warm outside. Anyway I hope you guys enjoy! Please let me know what you think!

**Thank you to: jutord, Axebird1, Guest, Guest, MissDavis92, Guest, Guest, Ellavm18, jcampbell943, shaniatasmanx, cec0020, Samantha Renk, NaeNae78, DJQ2116, 7feathers, Cindy Burick, India-Guest, RhondaL, Wiccangrrrl13, kristyall38gmailcom, shannie83, beachgirl29, tinerabrown1, decadenceofmysoul, tinaedsall, summertimeshine, tiffanblueyes05, JaraSoa2008, &amp; GoodGirlGoneBad1984!**

**Enjoy! **

**Chapter 13: How Things Change  
**

Tara woke up earlier the next morning feeling sore in places she had forgotten existed. The sun broke through the curtains and she took a minute to admire the scene before her. She breathed out a pleasant sigh and closed her eyes basking in the feel of Jackson Teller's arms around her. She snuggled closer to him enjoying the fact that she could just be here with him, without anything needing to be done. She didn't have to rush off to her father or take care of TJ. She could just relax with Jax and pretend they were the only two people who existed in the world. It was very rare that she could pretend these things, especially with Jax, but now that she was taking the time to admire her ex-boyfriend turned boyfriend she wondered how she'd gone so long without just laying beside him.

She forgot how beautiful he truly was. His blonde hair covered the pillow and his face looked so much more peaceful than it usually did. She moved to touch his face, but drew back in fear of ruining the perfect peace that was between them in the early hours of the morning.

"What time do we have to go get the kid?" Jax mumbled startling Tara out of her little happy bubble was currently indulging in.

She pouted, momentarily sad that the spell was broken.

"Not till later. Can we just…relax?" she asked reaching out to touch his face gently.

Jax smirked and moved closer. He wrapped his arms loosely around her body and pulled her to him. Her legs tangled with he's and she could feel the hair on his legs tickling her skin.

"I have a better idea." He mumbled and leaned forward to place a soft chaste kiss on her lips. She grinned at the unexpected gentleness of the gesture and moved closer to him wanting to be as close as possible. His kisses deepened and he massaged the seam of her lips to get her to open herself to him. Their tongues became as tangled as their legs and he rolled her onto her back so he could be on top. Her fingers ran through his hair and she moved away slightly so she could capture the scene in her brain. She stared into his bright blue eyes and let out a shakey sigh.

"I'm sorry." She whispered suddenly.

He frowned and moved back unable to concentrate properly with her scent invading his nostrils. Being too close to her always was a distraction and it seemed the more familiar they became with each other again the more difficult it was to concentrate.

"For what?" he asked equally as quiet.

She looked over his shoulder up at the ceiling and felt her cheeks begin to burn at how silly she was about to sound.

"I'm sorry for not giving you a chance." She said and cleared her throat uncomfortably, suddenly too aware of his body pressing into hers. She pushed him gently and he rolled off of her so she could sit up. She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them wanting the protection just in case an argument ensued. She looked down at him anxiously.

"A chance…" he trailed off looking up at her. He felt uneasy with their unequal leveling and decided to sit up too. He didn't shield himself like Tara and he made sure they could make eye contact.

"When I was pregnant. I just…I'm sorry for not giving you a chance. I've always wondered what would happen if things had gone differently. Maybe if I was willing to stay and fight or—"

"Tara, stop. Just, stop. I don't wanna talk about this. Shit happened we were both at fault. Let's just…let's just do what we have been and enjoy this—" He made a gesture between them. "Whatever this is." He added.

She nodded and gave him a sheepish smile. "And what is this, exactly?" she asked already knowing she considered him her boyfriend. Although boyfriend wasn't enough of a word to capture what Jax was to her. He was so much more than just a boyfriend, but other than lover she couldn't think of something adequate to describe him.

"I thought we discussed this. I want to be with you. You want to be with me. From where I stand that makes us boyfriend and girlfriend." He said smirking at her.

She rolled her eyes playfully and rested her chin on her knee.

"So is that it? Or do you want to discuss something else?" he asked already reaching for her and pulling her into his lap.

She rested her head on his shoulder and laid a soft kiss on the skin of her collarbone.

"So you're my boyfriend, now? Do I have a say in this?" she whispered echoing words long ago uttered when they began dating at sixteen.

He laughed and tightened his hold on her. He knotted their fingers together and kissed the back of her hand hard as if he wanted to mark her.

"Yeah, you're my girl now and no you don't get a say. You're mine. Forever." He said with a grin repeating his own response to their long ago declarations when they were young.

She bit her lip and leaned up to kiss him needing the feel of his lips on hers before she went insane. He let his fingers graze her cheek and twist into her hair making sure he kept her as close to him as possible. He slowly moved back down to the bed and both of them became lost in one another, the love that they denied for so long finally coming to full bloom.

* * *

It was the day before Christmas Eve when Jax tentatively invited Tara and TJ over to the Teller-Morrow household for Christmas.

"It will be a lot of fun." He said noticing that Tara looked extremely hesitant.

They had, had a pleasant week together just the three of them. Jax had begun to stay the night over and TJ was enjoying getting to spend even more time with his dad. Tara was still going to visit Frank and occasionally dragged TJ along, but for the most part she didn't pressure Jax to go after the last time. She knew he didn't have too much longer to live so she was trying to take advantage of the time they had left before he was gone. When he died she didn't want any regrets and the time they were able to spend together would grant her that wish.

"Is Gemma ok with us coming?" Tara asked glancing over at TJ who was watching them curiously.

"Why wouldn't Gemma be ok with us coming?" TJ asked confused.

"Gemma…" Tara trailed off not even sure how she was going to continue that sentence.

"Mom, I think we should go. We've never had a full on family Christmas dinner." TJ said excitedly. "What happens?" he added.

Tara winced and looked down feeling guilty that she had deprived her child of a big family orientated Christmas. The truth was she never got one either, until she started dating Jax, but TJ had nagged her every year wondering if she had distant relatives they could spend Christmas with. He asked her sometimes if she even wanted to come back to Charming to celebrate with her father, but she always said no.

Now, it was different. They could go to the Teller-Morrow residence even if Tara didn't approve of SAMCRO she knew that if she and Jax were going to make this work the club would be in their lives. She knew it was high time that TJ was introduced to Gemma and the club anyway. That day in the grocery store was the first and only time TJ had met Gemma and Tara knew that wouldn't sit well with the club matron if they were now going to be in each other's lives.

"Alright, we'll go. I'm not sure what to bring though I mean—" Tara said giving Jax a anxious smile.

"It's fine, I got it." He said waving her off. A big grin formed on his face and her smile widened liking how she made him so happy.

"It's gonna be a blast, kid, you'll have fun." Jax said winking at TJ who wore a matching grin.

"Awesome. My first family Christmas." He said giddily.

Tara watched the two of them and a funny feeling began to form in her a chest. At the sight before her the tightening sensation, which began to occur more often increased and she absently rubbed at the area.

She hoped that Gemma was pleasant tomorrow and liked TJ, but mostly she hoped that TJ wasn't completely enamoured with SAMCRO to want that lifestyle for his future. She wanted what was best for her son and SAMCRO she knew wasn't it.

Later as she did the dishes and Jax told TJ stories of his various Christmas' with his family and with her when they were young, she wondered how the club would react to Jax having a son. She hoped they didn't blame her or become angry with her at hiding that fact for so long. She hoped everything worked out and she really hoped that Wendy wasn't there either or any other croweaters Jax had slept with. That wasn't how she wanted to spend her holiday.

* * *

The next day Tara found herself standing outside of the Teller-Morrow residence holding a twelve pack of beer and an Angel food cake. Even though Jax had told her not to bring any food she couldn't just show up empty handed. The cake was for Gemma and the beer was for the guys, maybe in hopes that they didn't hate her too much for, first running off, and then hiding Jax's son from him.

"Are you excited?" Tara asked quietly walking up to the door.

TJ nodded and rung the doorbell. Tara could hear the teetering of heels on the hardwood floor.

"Tara!" Luann greeted taking the cake from her. She glanced down at TJ and smiled.

"You must be Thomas, it's nice to meet you!" Luann gushed patting him awkwardly on the head.

TJ nodded, "It's TJ actually."

Tara frowned momentarily wondering how Luann would know this, but she pushed it away assuming Jax told her.

Luann let out a hoot of laughter and nodded. "Of course it is. Come in, come in." she said ushering them in.

The two of them came into the house and Tara was overwhelmed by the memories that hit her all at once. The last time she was here was when she was pregnant with TJ and trying to tell Jax. She felt suddenly nauseous at the memory of him having sex with that croweater. She tried to push it away and concentrate on the present instead.

"How are you doing? I heard you were staying in Charming." Luann said leading her to the kitchen.

"Yeah at the hospital." Tara said softly. She looked around the kitchen taking in how little things had changed. Gemma was still there ordering the croweaters around and making enough food to feed a small country.

"Tara!" Gemma called waving at her and then her face brightened when she caught sight of TJ.

"And you brought TJ!" Gemma said stopping what she was doing and moving to hug TJ.

Tara watched with astonishment as Gemma and TJ hugged and then Gemma straightened up. She looked at Tara and gave her a tight forced smile.

"Glad you could make it. Jax is in the living room with the boys." She said taking the beer in Tara's hand.

"Go say hi." Gemma said pushing her towards the other part of the house. Tara blinked rapidly wondering for a second if she walked into an alternative universe. Gemma never allowed her to go hang out with the boys it was always to help in the kitchen because Gemma didn't want Jax and Tara together. Gemma always tried to keep them apart at family events and now she was practically shoving together.

The weirdness started to increase more as they moved through the house. No one seemed surprised that TJ was there either, on the contrary people seemed to know him. When they came into the living room the room erupted with hellos to the eight year old and she wondered again whether she'd fallen into an alternative universe. It was like they had already met him or something.

"Do you want anything?" Jax asked when she came to stand in front of him.

He was sitting on an armchair looking for all the world like the Prince of Charming.

Tara shook her head and then looked down at TJ who had been stopped by Clay to talk to him about some thing. She narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth to say something when Juice came over and handed her a beer.

"You look like you need one." Juice said grinning at her.

Tara took it absently and turned back to Clay who was handing TJ a present.

"Hey, I think that's my job. She's my girlfriend." Jax said standing up and wrapping an arm around her.

Juice grinned, "We bonded that night when you were passed out."

"I think she enjoys us better." Tig said coming to stand near them. Tig winked at Tara and Jax glared.

"I can guarantee she likes me more. I even have proof." Jax said nodding at TJ who was now being cornered by Piney.

"Kids don't mean anything. I got two and I could give a shit about the mother." Tig said scoffing.

Tara snorted and drank some of her beer attempting to loosen up. She hadn't seen some of these people in years and she didn't even know some others, but she couldn't seem to just relax. Maybe it was because she knew what they really did to make money or maybe it was because she'd seen the dark side of SAMCRO. Whatever the reason was she had to keep in mind that this was Jax's family and if she wanted to be with Jax she'd need to accept SAMCRO, didn't Gemma tell her that years ago.

"Tara!" Piney said waving her over.

Tara smiled at Jax and moved away, but Jax pulled her back and planted a big kiss on her lips before letting her go. She rolled her eyes at his obvious possessiveness, but she couldn't deny enjoying it. She knew it was to show the other guys who she belonged to, she'd been down that road with him many times before, but sometimes she thought he just wanted to kiss her because he loved her and wanted to.

"You have one smart boy here." Piney said nodding down at TJ who was grinning.

"Thanks. How're you doing, Piney?" she asked smoothing TJ's hair down and resting her hand on his shoulder.

"Cancer, you?"

Tara frowned, "I'm sorry to hear that."

Piney waved it off. "I heard you took the job at St. Thomas."

Tara nodded.

"She starts after New Years." TJ piped in.

"How's your dad? I've been to see him a few times." Piney said quietly.

Tara looked down at her bottle and sighed. "He's…really sick." She said quietly.

Piney nodded. "You know he's a pretty dark man, you're father, but I know when you told him you finally achieved your dream…well I'd say he's very proud of you. I am too, when Jax—"

"Dinner's ready!" Gemma yelled clapping her hands to get everyone's attention.

Piney smiled at Tara and clinked her glass before moving away. Tara watched him go sadly feeling finally that she was calming down enough to fit in with this family again. Once upon a time when Jax and her were dating the first time she had no trouble fitting in, but now that she'd left, came back, and brought a kid…it was harder. Talking to Piney always made her feel better and this time was no different. She stopped on the way to the dining room to talk with Opie and Donna and ask how they were doing. She made plans with Donna and Opie for New Years knowing that TJ had become attached to their kids and Jax would enjoy spending time with Opie.

Tara and Donna had always gotten along and Tara was more than grateful that Donna was there for her to talk to. When they were in high school the four of them would hang out all the time. Tara and Donna bonded over the love of SAMCRO men and being the only girls that weren't croweaters or wannabe croweaters. Donna knew what it was like to be with a man who was part of the club.

Tara guided TJ to the table and they managed to grab a chair before everyone else took their seats. Jax sat beside Tara next to Clay and Gemma sat on Clay's other side. Dinner began and the atmosphere was noisy and everyone was yelling over everyone else. TJ was sitting next to Opie's kids so he talked to them for awhile and Jax and Tara played footsie under the table as they talked to Gemma, Clay, and Tig. Soon dinner was over and dessert was served. Tara had even started to wonder why she had felt so hesitant to come since she was enjoying herself. She forgot how family oriented SAMCRO was.

She got up to help clean the dishes and to bring dessert out. It was just Gemma and her in the kitchen as they began to pile the dishes into the sink. Luann and Donna and some other women continued to collect the dishes and the plates to bring to them as they began to clean.

"You know I didn't think you'd come." Gemma said as they stood at the sink.

"Why?" Tara asked.

"Because I know how you feel about this."

"What? Family?" Tara asked smartly.

Gemma gave her a look a thrust a pot into her hands to dry off.

"Thomas Jackson is a really special kid, Tara. You did good with him."

Tara gave her an incredulous look and nodded.

"Thanks. It was…it was difficult. I mean, it _is_ difficult. Going to school, working, taking care of an infant." Tara said quietly remembering how much she cried in those initial first years.

"You didn't have to do it alone, baby. You chose that path. I told you when you left you had to fight for Jax. Are you going to fight for him now?"

Tara looked up at her and eyed her uncertainly.

"Yes, yes, I am."

Gemma nodded, "Good. Every kid needs a father, Tara, you should know that."

Tara bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from retorting the way she wanted.

"You know, maybe TJ should come to the garage more often too. I know Jax is having fun watching him, but Jax has a life too. I wouldn't mind watching him again." Gemma said after a lengthy silence.

Tara's head snapped up at the word 'again' and she opened her mouth to say something when Luann came bustling in and dropped off more plates before leaving the kitchen.

"Again?" she asked blinking rapidly.

"Yeah, Jax brought him buy a few weeks ago. Lowell and I watched him. He's an inquisitve kid. I never had so many questions asked of me by someone who wasn't the police. The boys liked him though, he's a trip." Gemma said oblivious to the frozen expression on Tara's face.

"When was this?" Tara asked softly. She felt the anger bubbling in her stomach the white-hot heat burned her stomach.

Gemma shrugged, "Couple weeks ago. Jax had church and asked me to watch him. He seemed to really like the garage. Completely fascinated by the bikes and the club."

Tara cleared her throat to try to control the blaze in her stomach, but it didn't subside only worsened as Gemma continued talking.

She had told Jax explicitly to keep TJ away from the club. It was about the fact that he had went behind her back and then lied to her. She briefly wondered if he asked TJ to lie to her too. She felt angry and betrayed. She wanted to go back out to the dining room and yell at Jax for keeping this from her. She wanted to hit him for going behind her back. She wanted to do anything except stand in this kitchen and clean dishes with Gemma.

If they had talked about it before hand she wouldn't have cared as much, as long as he understood where she was coming from, but it seemed like he had purposefully done something he knew would piss her off and for what? To show off his son to a bunch of bikers? To prove that TJ was more like him? To show him his future as the next SAMCRO leader?

Lastly, why hadn't he told her? Or at the very least called to tell her he couldn't take TJ? Why had he taken TJ to the one place she asked he not go and how could he put his child in danger like that?

She had been at the clubhouse during police raids, during gun fights, during drug deals, what if that happened and TJ was there? What if TJ had eaten something or drank something with something toxic in it? What if he wandered off and started playing with the guns? She knew he wasn't a toddler or baby, but he was eight and curious and could very well have accidentally shot himself with a stray gun laying around. It happened all the time. She bit her tongue until she felt the coppery taste of blood. The anger swirled in her stomach like a pack of rabid dogs.

She wasn't sure how she got through the rest of the conversation or how she finished cleaning the dishes. She didn't know how she sat through the rest of dinner and forced a smile or how Jax didn't even notice her odd behavior. She didn't know how she drove home with TJ chatting away happily or how she put him to bed with so much anger coursing through her.

She sat on the couch and wondered how to approach this with Jax because starting a new relationship on deceit wasn't what she wanted. They were supposed to be starting fresh, but it just seemed as if they were falling right back into old destructive patterns. She waited for him as the anger ate away at her and tried to form words to make him understand where she was coming from, but all she could think about was Jax lying to her because it wouldn't be the first and she knew it wouldn't be the last.

(A/n: So what do you guys think?! Next up is Tara and Jax's big fight! I will try to update asap! Please review!)


	14. Chapter 14: How We Scare

**Author's Note**: I apologize for the long wait! I really want to say thank you soooo much to everyone reading and reviewing! I know everyone's been waiting for this big fight! I'm supposed to be writing a paper for ayahuasca, but I decided to write the new chapter instead. I hope you guys like it! The conversation between Jax and Tara was hard to navigate, I was so torn, so I hope I kept them in character. As for Gemma's angle that will be revealed later on. And I apologize in advance for the cliffhanger! Don't hate me. Please let me know what you think! More will be soon. School is winding down and I have 1.5 papers down out of three. yay.

**Thank you to: Guest, thisiswhyiloveit, ilovejaxandtara, zDarkDesiredLightx, Ricciardi78, Guest, tiffanyblueyes05, Guest, GoodGirlGoneBad1984, anon, Cindy Burick, 7feathers, Gladz08, shaniatasmanx, cec0020, cejsmom, RhondaL, NaeNae78, Hollywoodlove09, Mrscramer84, kanikafultz123, Guest, Samantha Renk, india-guest, tinerabrown1, saidred75, jcampbell943, irihapeti96, shannie83, Running-Wild22, amralolic58, &amp; Ellavm18!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 14: How We Scare  
**

It seemed to take forever for Jax to reemerge back at Tara's house. She waited patiently for him while doing the dishes and making sure the presents were wrapped and placed under the poor excuse of a tree that she had dug up from the basement. She made a grocery list and even began to read a book that she found laying about, an old favorite of her's, _Pride and Prejudice_. She was in the middle of the Netherfield Ball when she heard Jax's mototcycle outside. Slowly she put the book down and sat up from the couch readying herself for the fight that she knew was about to take place. She took several deep and calming breaths before standing up and greeting him right as he came through the door.

"I didn't think you'd still be up." He commented swaggering over to her.

She could smell the stale beer on his breath and he reeked of cigarettes. "We need to talk." She said quietly for fear that if she spoke above a whisper she'd flip out and wake TJ from sleep. She didn't want him to hear this fight and she really didn't want him to hear this fight on Christmas Eve.

"Ok…" he trailed off confused as to why she looked so tense.

She nodded and went to sit down on the couch. He followed her hesitantly his alcohol adled brain trying to figure out what this was about.

"Did something—" he began.

"The first day I asked you to watch TJ, what did you guys do?" Tara asked cutting him off.

Tara watched Jax shift uncomfortably and Gemma's words rang through her mind.

_Jax had church and asked me to watch him. He seemed to really like the garage. Completely fascinated by the bikes and the club._

"Why do you ask?" Jax asked moving forward and resting his elbows on his knees.

"I talked to Gemma today. When we were washing dishes she was going on about Thomas and how she had fun with him the other day…at the club." Tara finished trying to find all the strength in her not to yell.

She watched him carefully as he stiffened and then grew silent. She couldn't see his eyes, but if she did she knew they would be darting back and forth avoiding her's. She knew he'd be trying to think of a lie because that's what he did. He thought on his feet and more times than not in their first try at their relationship he'd lied to her about the club.

"Tell me the truth, Jax. Please." She requested when the silence grew too much to bear.

"Yeah." Jax said shortly finally moving back and sitting against the couch. He looked her straight in the eye and she flinched at the resolve there.

"I took him there." He admitted.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why did I have to hear it from fucking Gemma?" Tara asked finally snapping. There was a hard edge in her tone and she glared at him so hard that he had to look away.

"Tara it's not about…It was a stupid mistake." He said and every time he had said those words came rushing back to her.

_Tara, it didn't mean anything. She was a stupid mistake. I didn't mean it, it was a mistake. I didn't mean it. It was a mistake. Stupid mistake._

She shook her head thinking of those times only made her angry and besides they were when they were broken up. In high school before they started dating Jax had been seeing a girl and Tara hadn't realized it when they started this thing between them. He had told her it didn't mean anything and then spent months begging her to go out with him when she found out. He told her he liked her and not the other girl, he called it a stupid mistake.

"I want it to be different this time." She said softly.

"I wanted to tell you."

"Then why didn't you? Why did I have to hear it from Gemma?"

"Why did I have to hear that you were back from your father?" he retorted.

She groaned and put her head in her hands. She smoothed back her hair and shook her head.

"You specifically went behind my back and ignored my wishes! You lied to me Jackson! I'm not doing this if all you're going to do is lie to me! You could have put our son in danger!" she yelled hoping and praying that TJ didn't hear them.

"I didn't do it on purpose! It's not like I said 'Gee, Tara doesn't want TJ at the club so I think I'll take him there' I had a commitment—"

"You always have a commitment to that club! You only think about that club! You don't care about me or TJ or anything else except SAMCRO. I do not want that for our child. I do not want him growing up to think he has to stay in this incestuous town and belong to that fucking club! There is a whole world outside of here!" she screamed standing up and beginning to pace the room.

"You knew all of this before you came back! Why did you come back if you—"

"I didn't come back for you, Jax! I came back to visit my father."

"Bullshit! You knew – you fucking knew you'd run into me! You knew that once I saw TJ you'd know he was mine! You might not have come back for me, but you decided to stay for me! Don't fucking deny it." He yelled cutting her off when her mouth opened to do just that.

She shook her head angrily, "Maybe I thought you'd changed."

"People don't change Tara, they just grow older. I didn't mean to disrespect your wishes! Clay called and wanted me at Church. I didn't want to call you because I thought you'd see that I couldn't take care of him without something getting in the way, so I asked Lowell and Gemma to watch him. He had fun. The guys like him. He's a good kid."

"What about when he grows up? Are you going to make him stay and get involved with the club? Is he going to get patched in? Am I going to have to visit my child in jail because he wants to follow him his father's footsteps?" she snarled.

Jax shook his head and looked away, concentrating on the wall behind her. He let out a little huff and let a sad smile grace his lips.

"I'm not going to make him do anything, Tara. He's his own person. I will encourage him to do whatever he wants." He said quietly.

She opened her mouth to reply but he began to speak before her.

"But you do have to realize that I'm not leaving the club. The club is my life. They're my family. If you can't accept that I don't know if we can be together." He finished softly.

She looked looked away and gazed intently at the carpeting.

"What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying if you can't accept who I am this isn't going to work." He said feeling ill at the idea of being without her. He had finally gotten her back she couldn't leave him. He'd gotten her to stay. They were so close to their happy ending. He needed that happy ending with her.

There was a long silence following his words and they both avoided the other's eyes.

"I think you should go." She whispered finally.

"Tara—"

"Not forever. I just need some time to think."

She took a step forward and placed a hand on his cheek.

"It's not about us anymore, we have to think about Thomas too." She said leaning her forehead against his.

He nodded slowly and reluctantly let her take a step back.

"Ok." He murmured.

"Ok." She agreed

But neither of them moved and their eyes met in a storm of blue and green.

"I love you." He said leaning down and kissing her on the forehead.

"I know." She replied.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Call me tomorrow." He muttered.

"I will."

They stared at each other for a moment longer and then he unwillingly moved towards the door.

"Tell TJ I love him too." Jax added hastily when he finally got to the door.

She nodded and gave him a small smile.

"I will."

Jax nodded and dawdled in the doorway not wanting to leave, but knowing it was time.

"Are you sure I can't stay?" he finally blurted out.

She shook her head sadly. "I think it's best if you go. I'll call you in the morning."

He nodded and moved quickly to kiss her on the lips before she could stop him.

"Good night." He said.

"Good night." She replied.

She watched him go and then unenthusiastically went back into the house and toward her room dreading falling asleep alone.

* * *

Hours later Tara was woken by a frantic knocking at her door her mind immediately went back to that first week they were there and Tig, and Juice came to her to stitch Jax up. She figured that maybe the same thing happened, Jax got into a fight and she needed to help. She stumbled her way to the front foor and opened it without hesitation.

She blinked trying to clear the sleep from her eyes and was surprised to find people at her door she didn't recognize.

"Can I help you?" she asked taking in the three tan bikers with black hair.

Instinctively she felt something was wrong when they leered at her and a glimpse at their jackets told her that they were Mayans.

Her sleepy mind conjured up a conversation from long ago with Jax about the rival biker gangs in the area they did business with and she remembered that the Mayans were one of them.

"You Tara Knowles?" One asked.

She frowned, "why are you here? It's Christmas—"

But she didn't continue because one reached out and hit her over the head. She was knocked out and fell to the ground, hitting her head on the concrete. The one who spoke reached out for her and threw her over his shoulder before carting her to the black car they had driven over. The men looked around to make sure that no one was watching and then they threw her into the trunk making sure it was locked before they took off.

* * *

TJ opened his eyes excitedly on Christmas morning eager to open his presents with both of his parents. It would be the first time ever that he got to do so and finally he got to know what it would be like to have a real family, not just Tara and his one other relative.

Since Jax had started to stay over, life had been exciting and good in the house. TJ got to see what being a real family meant and he really enjoyed it. His mom seemed happier and Jax was funny and smart. TJ could tell him things that he didn't want to tell his mom and Jax told him wild stories about when him and Tara were young.

TJ threw the covers back and rushed out of his room only to be greeted in silence. He frowned wondering if his parents were still asleep so he knocked on their door loudly and when there was no answer he tried to knob. The door opened slowly and he was met with the sight of an unmade bed, but no parents. He began to look around the room as if they were hiding and then he looked in the bathroom trying to figure out where his mother and father were.

When they weren't in the master bedroom he began to search the rest of the house, but came up empty.

He noticed that nothing besides his parents were absent though so he sat down near the phone and called Tara's phone to see if maybe she left to grab something last minute. The familiar jingle came from her bedroom and his instincts went on high alert because he knew his mother wouldn't just leave him or her phone at home. He went to her bedroom and began to look through her phone for Jax's number. He pushed call and waited while it rang.

"Hey baby, you finally ready to talk?" Jax asked groggily.

"Dad?" TJ asked sitting down on the floor feeling unfamiliar panic rise into his chest.

"Hey kid, your mom have you call me?" Jax asked trying to keep the hardness out of his tone.

"No…I don't know where she is." TJ said quietly.

"You don't know where she is?" Jax asked confused.

"She's not here." TJ tried to keep the tremble out of his voice, but he knew Jax could hear it. He felt wet hot tears begin to trail down his face and he heard movement on the other end of the phone.

"Why aren't you here?" TJ added wiping hurriedly at his tears as if someone could see.

"I…Tara…start over. She's not there? Where is she?" Jax inquired.

"I don't know! I woke up and she wasn't here. Where were you?" TJ shouted feeling more tears run down his face.

"I'll be right there." Jax said and TJ could hear the slam of the door on the other end.

"She wasn't here when I woke up." He said again holding the phone to his ear.

"Calm down TJ, I'll be right there. Count to fifty and I'll be right there. I'll even stay on the phone with you, ok."

TJ nodded and tried to stop the tears, but the more he tried to stop them the more they came.

"I'm right here, buddy. I'll be there soon."

TJ nodded and waited for his father to arrive knowing in his gut that something had happened to his mother. He couldn't explain it, but it was a feeling and he knew something bad had happened. There was no way Tara would just leave, something must have happened, but what he really didn't understand was why his father wasn't there to protect them. Wasn't that was dads did? Protect their family? He felt anger and panic at the idea of opening Christmas presents or even celebrating seemed pointless because all he wanted was his mother. Where was she? What had happened? She had to come back, she had to.

(A/n: So what did you think? What's going to happen to tara? Will jax rescue her? more soon!)


	15. Chapter 15: His Fear

**Author's Note:** Thank you everyone so much for the awesome feedback! I apologize for the long wait. I had papers, then finals, then graduation, and finally I'm done. Now I just have to find an adult job and become I guess an adult. Great. ANywho thanks again you guys are awesome for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following! You go guys and girls! So I just want to remind everyone there WILL BE a happy ending. I promise. Also there are five chapters left. I should have the next chapter up sometime late next week or early the following week. I promise. I'm going on vacation so I'll update when I get back. Again thank you and I hope you like this chapter! Please review!

**Thank you to: Guest, Jaxntara, Guest88, Guest, MissDavis92, Cindy Burick(x2!), ashdawn89, runningtomidnight, samantharhoades37, Guest, Guest, Guest, Guest, jaceyb1, RhondaL, Lovethatbeb, newfiegirl, Guest, Guest, running-wild22, cec0020, Ellavm18, NaeNae78, india-Guest, Guest, xshynenstarx, GoodgirlGoneBad1984, DJQ116, shannie83, Mrssilvers, Janetmccormick5, amralolic58, jbear061162, Guest, cejsmom, daydreamee, Samantha Renk, ilovejaxandtara, muzzarae, 7feathers, treebry2121, Hollywoodlove09, tinerabrown1, shaniatasmanx, tinaedsall, JaraSoa2008, thisiswhyiloveit, Gladz08, saldred75, &amp; jcampbell943,**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 15 His Fear**

Jax had never broken so many speeding laws to get over to Tara's house. His heart was in his throat as he thought about what TJ had said on the phone. He hoped idiotically that Tara had just gone out to go get some last minute things and TJ was just overreacting, but he knew in his gut something was wrong. He knew it last night when she'd asked him to leave and now he knew it because of the phone call he'd received from his son.

He felt sick at the thought of what his son was going through. Waking up to find his mother gone, it was any kid's worst nightmare.

There were several times when he nearly turned around and drove to the club to inform Clay and the rest of the SONS what was going on, but he knew that his son needed him and that he had to at least get the full story before he asked the club to help. Besides it was Christmas and he wanted to try to figure this out on his own before he fucked up another family's Chrismas.

He kept telling himself that once he got to the house he could figure out a way to sort everything out. He just hoped that whatever happened would turn out the right way ie. Tara safe and sound in his arms and never going anywhere again.

He pulled into the driveway and hurried towards the door. He burst in without knocking and began to search the place for TJ.

"TJ! Thomas! Where are you?" Jax yelled looking around the silent house. He headed towards the kitchen, but he heard a small sniffle behind him right as he reached the doorway.

He turned around quickly and stared down at the little boy with red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. He looked at Jax helplessly and sniffled wiping his nose on his sleeve when the sniffling didn't help.

"Hey, kid." Jax greeted quietly leaning down so he was the same eye level with TJ.

TJ's eyes welled up and big fat tears began to fall.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Jax asked trying to maintain an exterior of calm while he internally freaked out. He had no idea what to do. He had no idea what to say. He had no idea how to make the kid stop crying. He was so out of his element it wasn't even funny.

"Where's my mom?" TJ asked wiping the tears hurriedly away.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Jax replied needing to hear the whole story.

TJ shrugged, "I don't know. I woke up and she wasn't here. Do you know where she is? Can you find her? We were supposed to open presents and I don't want to if she's not here."

Jax opened his mouth and then closed it having no idea what to say or how to reassure the child in front of him. He leaned back and sighed running a hand through his hair.

"You don't know any thing else? Did you hear something last night or see something? Maybe before you went to bed?" Jax asked needing more information before he could fully be able to deduce the situation and spring into action like he so wanted to do.

If TJ wasn't in the picture he already knew he'd be ripping up Charming trying to figure out where the fuck his girlfriend – hopefully future wife – had disappeared to. He just wanted to find her, apologize for everything he'd done, and never let her out of his sight again.

"No, I didn't see anything. I just want to find my mom. You _need_ to find my mom." TJ insisted.

Jax gazed into his son's eyes and saw the worry, fear, and determination reflecting back at him. He put a hand on TJ's shoulder and made sure to look him straight in the eye when he replied.

"I'll do everything I can to get Tara back, I promise."

TJ nodded firmly and then looked at the tree with the presents in the corner of the room.

"I don't want to open any of them until she gets back." He whispered.

Jax nodded and stood up. "Okay."

TJ looked once more at the tree and then left the room. Jax heard the door close and let out a frustrated sound. He glanced around the room as if hoping for a clue, but he saw no struggle or anything out of place that would hint at anything being wrong. He took his phone out of his pocket and dialed the first person he thought of.

After a few rings Gemma finally picked up.

"I was wondering when you were going to call. I expected it to be earlier, you know. Merry Christmas to you Ja—"

"Mom, it's Tara." Jax interrupted.

"What did she do this time? Did she take Thomas away? I swear I'll—"

"She's missing. I don't know what happened, but…she's gone." He said quickly cutting her off.

"Gone? What do you mean? Is the house empty? Is Thomas still there? She probably took off again. She has a track record of doing that, you know." Gemma simpered.

Jax gritted his teeth and tried to remain calm at his mother's accusations. "She's not here. TJ is here, but she's not. She just…TJ called me this morning and said he couldn't find her. He said that she was just…gone." He snapped feeling helpless at his lack of explanation for what had happened to Tara.

He sat down heavily on the couch and ran a hand through his hair trying to get a grip on what was happening.

Now that he'd gotten to the house and determined that this wasn't some sick practical joke the surreal feeling he'd been having since TJ had called was wearing off. He had no idea what to do. He had no idea where to start.

Were they enemies of his or Tara's enemies? Did Tara even have enemies? Was it Wendy on some crazy Meth binge wanting to make Tara pay? Or was it something else entirely? Maybe her dad had hired people to take her out? Or maybe _his _mother had hired people to take her out?

The possibilities were endless and the deeper he went inside his own head the more convoluted and impossible the scenarios became. First, Tara – to his knowledge – had no enemies. Second, his mother would never hurt Tara, even if they disliked each other. Heavily. Third, no one would even think about doing anything to the SONS.

So the only option that was left was that something else had happened and now he had to figure out what. What had happened to Tara?

"…Jackson? Hello? Are you listening to me?" Gemma demanded bringing Jax out of his thoughts.

"What? Yeah, I'm here. What were you saying?"

"I was asking if you saw any clues? Like blood? Maybe the door was open? What did Thomas see?" Gemma asked in frustration.

Jax looked towards the hall where he could hear the TV in TJ's room turned up too loud.

"He just said she was gone."

There was a long pause and he heard some shuffling on the other end of the phone.

"I will be right over. Call the police—"

"Fuck no! I'm not calling Hale. You want to get the cops involved?"

"Jax, I never said anything about Hale. Call Unser. You need to get the police involved. If something happened to her…you just need to call the police. It would look weird if you didn't. How's Thomas doing?" Gemma said urgently.

"He's fine. He's in his room." Jax snapped annoyed that his mother was asking that he call for help. He could find his girlfriend on his own. He didn't need fucking Hale coming in and telling him everything he used to tell him when they were in high school.

He could still hear Hale telling him he wasn't good enough for Tara and that she was going to figure that out some day. He could remember seeing Hale and Tara on the one date they went on before he finally snatched her away for Captain Do-Gooder.

Still, he knew Hale would want to find Tara as much as he did – well maybe not as much since Hale didn't love her, but almost as much. At least he didn't think Hale loved her, it had been nine years after all.

"Have you talked to him? Have you told him what's going on?" Gemma demanded.

"I don't know what's going on! How am I supposed to tell him? What am I supposed to tell him?"

Gemma sighed heavily, "I'll be there as soon as I can."

She hung up as soon as the words were out of her mouth and Jax slowly put the phone down wondering if he should follow her advice. He wasn't sure whether he should in fact call Hale. He had never liked Hale and wasn't going to start anytime soon.

But fuck – his mother had a point. He had to call him there was no getting around it. With the police they could cover more ground too.

As if his hands were made of lead Jax reluctantly picked up his phone and dialed Unser's number. When Unser didn't pick up with even more reluctance he dialed the station's number.

"Merry Christmas! Charming Poli—"

"Hale." Jax said irritated by the overly chipper tone when everything in his life seemed to be falling apart.

"Teller." Hale said his voice automatically going cold.

"Tara's missing."

"Did she leave you again?" Hale asked and Jax swore he could hear him smirk.

"No. She wasn't here when I got to her house this morning."

Hale let out a long sigh, "you know, Teller, contrary to popular belief you aren't every woman's fantasy. Maybe Tara finally took her rose colored glasses off and saw you for what you really are."

Jax squeezed the phone in his hand and imagined it as Hale's head. As much as he wanted to throw something he refrained knowing that it wouldn't help the situation. And it would probably make his traumatized kid even more scared for life.

"She left our son so I know she didn't decide to leave. I think something—" He stopped himself from saying anymore not wanting to admit his fears outloud. He didn't want to think about all the awful things that had happened to her anymore. He needed to figure out how to find her and not concentrate on what might be going on wherever she was.

"You and Tara have a son?" Hale asked in disblief.

"Yes." Jax said sharply.

There was a moment of pause and he heard Hale take a deep breath.

"What do you think happened to her?" he asked.

Jax was silent, he edgily looking down the hall where the TV was still blaring from TJ's room.

"I don't know. Just send someone to help us look for her." Jax said and then hung up the phone.

He put the device down on the chair and then headed to TJ's room. He knocked on the door and pushed the door open to see TJ curled up under the covers on the bed quivering. The TV was turned to some random channel turned up to maximum volume.

After a moment Jax figured out it was to drown out the crying, he smiled slightly remembering how Tara did the same thing whenever she was upset, except she'd turn up her music. His smile disappeared quickly at the thought of her, how the fear for her made his stomach clench and made him scared as the possibilities surrounding her disappearence overtook his brain.

He sat down on the bed needing some stability as his fear threatened to overtake him. He put a hand to TJ's shoulder and slowly took the blankets from over his head and pulled them down. He looked into his son's red eyed and opened his mouth to reassure him, but nothing came out.

TJ looked up at him patiently waiting for him to say something, but when no words came out he grabbed the blanket back and pulled it above his head. Jax heard the sobs even with the TV blaring and he felt guilt intermingle with the fear at the fact he couldn't even console his own child.

He sat there waiting for the words to tell his son that everything would be ok and that they would find Tara, but instead he stayed in that spot without saying anything until the doorbell rang.

He got up after one last look at TJ and went to answer it unsurprised to see his mother.

"Where's Thomas? Is he ok? And what exactly happened? I don't understand." Gemma demanded hurrying into the room.

Jax looked down the hall and Gemma took it as her cue to walk down there. She came to stop in front of the bedroom where the TV was blaring and then she walked in without knocking.

Jax heard the TV turn off and then he heard her speaking with TJ. He walked down the hallway and peeked into the room curious to know what his mother was doing that he couldn't seem to do.

TJ was sitting up in the bed relying the story to Gemma and when he was finished she reached over and hugged him. Jax watched with downtrodden eyes as Gemma comforted his son and he felt an awful gnawing sensation of guilt eat away at him. He watched them for a few minutes longer until the guilt, fear, and sadness overtook him and he returned to the living room.

He didn't know what to do. He felt like the world's worst father. He couldn't even make his own son feel better. He just wanted Tara back. He needed Tara back. That was all he wanted. That was all he ever wanted.

After what felt like hours later Gemma and TJ emerged from the bedroom. Gemma began to make them some food and Jax watched her as TJ turned on the TV to sit stoically in front of it. Jax leaned against the kitchen doorway so he could see TJ and Gemma since he was unable to determine where he should be. He wanted to talk to him mom, but he didn't want to leave TJ alone. Jax watched him unsure if he should say anything, but it seemed like TJ was lost in his own thoughts and Jax couldn't bring himself to disturb him.

"The boys are at Church with Clay. We're going to do everything we can to find her. Also Unser called me. He and Hale are searching through town. Someone will be over soon to take a statement." Gemma announced.

Jax nodded and looked over at TJ who was staring off into space as the cartoons played on the TV.

"What do you think happened?" Gemma asked quietly.

"I don't know. I left last night and that was it. I mean, we got into a fight, but I promised I'd be back in the morning. I don't know what could have happened." Jax said running a hand through his hair and trying to calm his jittery nerves.

"I didn't ask you what happened, I asked you what you _thought _happened." Gemma snipped.

Jax looked over at TJ who was now looking at him with an expression he couldn't quite place. He was quiet for a few minutes as he thought about Gemma's question, but as the silence stretched he knew he was going to need to answer it.

"I think she was taken." Jax said finally unable to look at his mother or TJ.

"Why weren't you here last night?" TJ asked breaking the stiff silence.

Jax looked up surprised to hear the raspy voice that belonged to his son. He hadn't spoken almost the entire day and now he was finally voicing the absolute one question Jax had no desire to answer. He didn't want to tell his son that his mother and him had gotten into an argument and Tara had asked him to leave. He didn't want his son to blame him for what was going on because of some stupid fight. He already blamed himself enough as is.

"Your mom and I…she wanted me to sleep at home last night." Jax struggled to say.

"Why? Why couldn't you have stayed here? Why did you leave?" TJ asked his blue eyes wide and seeking answers.

"I wanted to be here more than anything but your—"

"Then why weren't you? You should've been here. If you had, none of this would've happened. Mom would still be here. What if she doesn't come back? What if something happened to her? What—"

"Thomas, baby, everything is going to be fine. We'll find her." Gemma soothed coming into the living room and kneeling in front of him.

TJ stared at her searchingly.

"But how? I don't understand why anyone would want my mom! Did she do something wrong? Did I do something wrong?" TJ demanded to know.

Gemma and Jax exchanged uncomfortable looks and Gemma tilted her head to encourage Jax to answer the question.

"No. Tara didn't do anything wrong. Just sometimes things happen—" Jax cringed at his own explanation knowing it wasn't a very good one.

"But then why weren't you here? Why couldn't you protect us? You're supposed to be my dad so why couldn't you do something?" TJ snapped glaring at Jax.

Jax opened his mouth to respond, but again nothing came out. He looked at his mother helplessly and she gave him an incensed look while tilting her head toward the distraught child.

"I wanted to be there. If I had been I would've done everything in my power to make sure your mom—" Jax said finally.

"But you weren't. You weren't there and now I don't have a mom. What's going to happen now?" TJ inquired forcefully.

When his question was met with silence he stomped out of the room and slammed his door shut.

Gemma sighed heavily, "That door slam brings back such memories."

Jax couldn't even bring himself to shoot her a look, instead he stared down at the hallway helplessly wondering what indeed was going to happen now. As he stood lost in his grief Jax finally placed the look TJ had given him, it was accusation. TJ blamed him for Tara's disappearence and Jax couldn't even bring himself to want to correct him since he blamed himself too.

(A/n: So what did you think? I'm going out of town for a week and a few days so hopefully I'll have another update once I get back. Please review!)


	16. Chapter 16: How We Cry

**Author's Note:** Thank you everyone who is reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following! I apologize for the long wait. My vacation was awesome though, and now I'm back. We only have a few chapters left, but just a reminder there will be a Happy ending! I know Jax wasnt all together with it last chapter, but just imagine a guy like that being a dad for a few weeks then having something like this happen, you'd be lost. So i wanted to capture how lost Jax became. Yes we will figure out what happened to Tara, the Mayans vs SAMCRO will go down as well soon, and Jax will learn to become a hero. also _7feathers _I do not know what their zodiac sign is, but if anyone else does please let me know and I'll pas it along._ Liberty27 _unfortunately Gemma will not be dying in this story, as far as I know, but I'll consider it. Thank you again and please review! Next chapter will be up soon!

**Thank you to: ashleywilliamsaltman, Guest, oaklandraiders23, 7feathers, Cindy Burick, Lilyylil, shannie83, Crazy808, amralolic58, india-guest, RhondaL, liberty27, tinerabrown1, NaeNae78, Mrssilvers, Ellavm18, shaniatasmanx, ilovejaxandtara, summertimeshine, cec0020, GoodGirlGoneBad1984, pacspoon, Samantha Renk, muzzarae, tinaedsall, JaraSoa2008, kanikafultz123, &amp; ashdawn89!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 16 How We Cry  
**

The day after Christmas dawned and Jax rose with the sun – although he had barely slept so he wouldn't really say he woke up – wondering if it had all been a bad dream. He had spent a long time thinking about all the things that Tara could be going through, and then he tried to think of a way to talk to TJ.

After all the time he had spent thinking when the first rays of light finally hit he felt even more tired and useless than he had the day before.

The smell of something cooking from the kitchen wafted into the bedroom and reluctantly he went to investigate. He found his mother flipping pancakes and making bacon humming a Christmas tune. He scowled at the sound and leaned against the doorway waiting for her to notice him. Turning around she gave him an easy smile followed by nodding down at the table. Uneasily he sat down in front of the plate and stared down at the food.

"I picked up some fresh squeezed orange juice." She said by way of explaining her presence.

He rubbed a hand through his hair feeling a combination of exhaustion and helplessness.

Gemma sighed and leaned down to put a hand on his shoulder.

"How about I watch him for the day and you can take some time to yourself. You look like you haven't slept." She said consoling.

He shook his head and moved away from her hand. "I'm fine. I'll be fine. I need to find her." he said.

She stared at him, her eyes narrowed, and her brow creased.

"Jax—"

The phone rang cutting off whatever mom speech she had in store. He sighed heavily and reluctantly reached for the telephone hoping that it was Clay or one of the other SONS telling him some good news.

"Hello?" Jax greeted warily.

"Is Tara Knowles available?" a female asked.

Jax's chest constricted when the question reached his ears and he felt for a moment as if he couldn't breathe. How desperately he wanted to tell the woman that yes, she was available. She was right here next to him. She had slept next to him the night before. They had woken up together Christmas morning and opened presents. Everything was fine.

But it wasn't. Nothing was fine and he couldn't pretend.

"She's…who is this?" he choked out ignoring his mother's curious look.

"I'm a nurse at St. Thomas. Her…her father's taken a turn for the worse. He's…he doesn't have long to live." The nurse reported.

Jax was silent for a long moment and then when the nurse started to speak again – asking where Tara was – he finally snapped back to life.

"She's…I'll tell her." He whispered hanging up the phone.

He set the phone on the table next to the plate of untouched food. He could hear his mother asking question after question wanting to know what was going on, but all he heard was white noise. And then he began to laugh, because what could he really do. The sound trickled out of his mouth and filled the room with an inhuman sound that halted his mother's voice, but Jax didn't pay attention. All he could do was laugh because of the sick twist his life had taken. Tara had been taken, her father was on his last few days of life – if that – and his son hated him. It was all his fault too. If he hadn't asked Tara to stay… He was the one to blame.

The laughter turned to tears quite suddenly and he buried his head in his hands, hoping, wishing, praying, something positive would happen.

And then the doorbell rang.

* * *

"Hey kiddo, how are you doing?" Gemma asked quietly coming into TJ's room.

He looked over at her and shrugged turning his attention back to the TV.

Gemma walked towards the bed watching him quietly from her perch.

"Did the police find my mom yet?" he asked without taking his eyes off the TV.

"Not yet, but they are working on it. One of them is actually here questioning your father right now." Gemma said quietly reaching a hand out and running it through his hair. She ignored the way he stiffened at her touch and continued her calming motions. She watched as he eventually relaxed and she smiled hoping she made him feel at least a little better.

"Is my dad ok?" TJ whispered finally tearing his eyes away from the TV.

Gemma was silent for a minute taking in the bright blue that looked exactly like her son's.

"No, not really." She revealed.

TJ nooded, "I'm not either."

The two sat in silence until there was a loud crash out in the living room jolting them both back to reality and rushing toward the noise. Gemma stopped in the doorway of the living room staring down in disappointed awe at her son on top of the Deputy punching him over and over again. He was yelling, but all she could make out was the occasional swear word. Gritting her teeth in anger she looked behind her at TJ who was watching in shock as his father hit the Deputy.

"Jax! David!" Gemma shouted hoping to get their attention, but it was a mote point since they kept hitting each other and rolling around on the carpet of the tiny room.

Not knowing what else to do Gemma reached forward and grabbed Jax by the ear and pulled him off David with difficulty. He landed on the opposite side of David and moved to get back to punching him, but Gemma moved to stand between them.

"Enough! Your son is watching! You need to find Tara! Pull yourselves together! This isn't junior high!" Gemma yelled pointing at Jax and David angrily.

Jax looked over at TJ who stood in the doorway watching with quiet eyes, the expression was so reminiscent of Tara he felt another tug at his heart.

"I'm sorry." David said struggling to get up while wiping blood from his fat lip.

Jax nodded and Gemma poked him with the boot of her toe. "Say sorry, Jackson." She ordered.

Jax scowled and sighed heavily, "Sorry, Hale."

There was a beat of silence and Jax got up. He stood in the living room blood pouring from a cut on his eyebrow regarding the other three people in the room.

"I'm going to have a cigarette." He announced finally feeling like he'd finally lost it.

Gemma watched him go and then turned to Hale after the door slammed.

"What the hell happened?" she asked putting her hands on her hips.

Hale had the decency to look ashamed and Gemma's stance softened.

"We exchanged words." Hale said shortly and then looked over Gemma's shoulder at TJ who was watching warily from the shadows.

"Is this Thomas?" Hale asked trying to sound cheery.

"I prefer TJ." TJ said crossing his arms and considering the officer.

Hale smiled sardonically and dropped onto the couch rubbing his hand through his hair.

"Of course is it." He mumbled and then gestured to the seat beside him.

"I need to ask you some questions, TJ, can you help me answer them?" Hale asked giving the little boy a tight smile.

TJ sighed heavily and plopped down on the spot beside him.

"What do you want to know?" he asked eyeing Hale cagely.

"What happened on Christmas Eve?" Hale asked.

TJ shrugged, "We got home and mom put me to bed and when I woke up she wasn't here."

"Did you hear anything?"

"No."

"See anything suspicious?"

"No."

Hale sighed and ran a hand through his hair again. TJ watched him and then turned to look at Gemma.

"Is there anything you remember?" Hale asked irritably.

TJ shook his head, "no. She was here when I went to bed and then when I woke up she wasn't."

Hale let out a loud huff of breath and leaned back into the couch.

"Have you talked to the neighbors?" Gemma asked breaking the stiff silence.

"My colleagues are. I was elected to talk with Teller." Hale said looking out the window.

He began to look around the living room and near the front door.

"Was there anything out of order?" Hale asked TJ.

TJ shook his head.

"Was there—" Hale began but his phone rang cutting him off. He answered it quickly and hung up just as quick.

"I have to get back to the station. If you think of anyting call me." Hale said and then hurried out of the house right as Jax came back in.

The three of them looked at each other none of them knowing what to say.

"Are you hungry, TJ?" Gemma asked quietly.

TJ shrugged and Gemma took that as an opportunity to finish making breakfast.

Jax gave his son a tired smile and nodded down to the couch. He had so much to tell the kid, but he didn't want to overwhelm him. He made the conscious decision to put off telling anyone about Frank until they found Tara. He couldn't deal with the Frank situation until he got Tara back anyway and he really didn't want to tell his son that along with his mother going missing Frank was on the verge of dying.

"I wanna talk to you." Jax said and reluctantly TJ sat down.

"What do you have to say?" TJ demanded crossing his arms and glaring at his father.

"Look, kid, I messed up. I'm sorry I wasn't there. It's my fault that this is happening, but…I'm also going to get her back. As much as you need Tara I need her just as much. I love her and I'm going to get her back." Jax said determinely.

"But what if you can't?" TJ whispered.

"That's not an option. I'm not letting her go this easily. Tara stayed for me and I need to show her that she made the right decision," Jax paused gathering his strength to say what he wanted to say the night before. "I know that last night I wasn't a big help. I know I was pretty fucking shitty, but I've never done this whole dad thing. I'm kind of shit at caring for people, but I care about you so much and I care about Tara just as much. I'm sorry I wasn't here the other night, but I promise that I will always be here for you." He said putting a hand on his son's shoulder.

TJ stared up at him and then gave him a small smile. "Why did you punch the policeman?"

Jax grimaced and withdrew his hand to run it through his messy hair. "Hale's always had a thing for your mom."

"But he isn't with her. You are." TJ said.

Jax smiled slightly and nodded, "and I'm going to be the one to find her, ok? So for right now I need you to stay with Gemma and I'm going to go help look for her, can you do that?"

TJ nodded slowly, "do you think she'll make chocolate chip pancakes?"

Jax grinned and ruffled the boy's hair. "Give her the puppy dog eyes, she falls for it all the time."

TJ nodded happily and got off the couch to go to the kitchen, but Jax stopped him before he could get too far. He brought him into a tight bear hug and buried his head in his son's shoulder.

"I love you, ok? I'm sorry this happened, but just remember that I love you and so does your mom."

TJ nodded and moved away to look his father square in the face. "I love you too." He said and then hurried to weasel chocolate chip pancakes from his grandmother.

Jax got up from the couch and grabbed his kutte before calling out a goodbye and moving towards the door. He had just reached his bike when his phone began to ring and Opie's name popped up on the screen.

"Please tell me something good." Jax pleaded.

"Something good. Get over to the clubhouse we may have found something." Opie said and Jax thanked whatever Gods he believed in before making his way to the clubhouse.

(A/n: Please review! Next up: will they find Tara? And what's going to happen to Frank?


	17. Chapter 17: How We Are Saved

**Author's Note:** Thank you so much to everyone who is reading, reviewing, favoriting, following, and overall just giving great feedback! I really appreciate it! You guys helped me make some decisions for the next few chapters, so I thank you once again! You guys are amaazing! I will get the next chapter up soon, I've been slacking on my writing lately and other adult duties. There are still going to be 3 chapters left, well two plus an Epilogue. And sadly no sequel. Anyway I hope you like this chapter! And if anyone wants to see anything before the end of the story let me know! I'll try to add it.

**Thank you to: michele, Guest, amy, bethcbell5, DJQ2116, NaeNae78, 1supermom08, Ellavm18, Guest, 7feathers, Guest, cec0020, irihapeti96, torid317, shaniatasmanx, thisiswhyiloveit, Gladz08, Guest, india-guest, RhondaL, Cindy Burick, Mrssilvers, YouthlNaisa6, shannie83, grace, ashdawn89, Samatha Renk, JaraSoa2008, cejsmom, GoodGirlGoneBad1984, tinerabrown1, &amp; amralolic58!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 17 How We Are Saved**

The room echoed making it sound bigger than it probably was. It was cold too, which made Tara shiver in the chair she was tied too. The ropes dug into her ankles and her arms had fallen asleep a while ago because of her stiff position. She could smell the stale scent of urine and rotting food, the aroma making her stomach turn. She couldn't see because of the blindfold, but that wasn't what scared her. It was the sporadic Spanish words that did. The ones she actually understood that had to do with SAMCRO, blood, and murder. She wasn't sure why they took her, but she could guess that it had to do with that night Jax was brought to her to be cleaned up and cared for.

When they took her out of the trunk they had smacked her around a bit then tied and blind folded her to a chair. They fed her once a day small portions, but she had no idea what they wanted. She knew she already had a concussion because of the damage to her head and she tried to stay with it so that she didn't suffer the medical issues she knew resulted from a concussion.

She tried to talk to them, to ask them what they wanted from her, but all they did was laugh or threaten her depending on their mood. She wondered and hoped that someone would find her or at least that they would do what they wanted with her and let her go. She thought of Thomas and hoped that she got to see his face again. She cried herself to sleep wishing that she was home in bed and she prayed that this nightmare would soon be over.

* * *

Tara awoke to gunshots and she wondered for a fleeting moment if this was it. Was she going to die? Was this how her life ended? In violence because of SAMCRO.

"Tara! Tara! Baby where are you?"

Tara jerked in her tied position and her head whipped toward the voice. The very familiar voice, Jax's voice she knew. She tried to scream through the gag, but it came out muffled. She wiggled in her seat trying to escape, but the ropes cut into her wrists digging into the tender skin.

"Tara?" Jax screamed.

She heard the thudding of his feet and she looked in the direction she thought the noise came from. She tried to scream through the gag again, but it was barely louder than the thudding.

"Tara!" he shouted again and Tara wondered if he was even going to find her. She felt tears being to flow down on her face as reality began to sink in and she tried to wiggle free again ignoring the way the ropes cut into her skin.

"Jax! Jackson! Over here!" someone said loudly near her right.

Tara whipped around to try to make out the person, but all she heard was more thundering sounds and then the blindfold was being taken off. She sighed blissfully as the dim light hit her eyes and she blinked rapidly to clear her sight so she could focus.

She stared up at a man she recognized and she breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that it was Juice.

"Tara? Tara? Are you ok?" he asked putting a hand to her head.

She nodded slowly feeling dizzy from the motion.

"Jax! Jax! I found her!" Juice yelled pulling the gag from her mouth then he began to untie the ropes that kept her in the chair.

She took a deep breath in and let out a humorless laugh at the situation.

"Thank you." She rasped in awe.

Finally, she was going to be ok. She felt the hot tears slide down her face thankful that she had been found instead of left to die wherever they were. She looked around taking in the large building and realized that it was a warehouse.

The thundering of footsteps approached them and she looked up just in time to see Jax throw himself on her.

"Tara!" Jax shouted desperately. He wrapped her in his arms and she buried her head in his shoulder trying to staunch the tears. They were coming too fast now soaking his shirt until it stuck to him.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry." He whispered rocking her back and forth.

She continued to cry and hold on to him for dear life happy that she was finally found.

When her crying stopped they finished extracting her from the chair and then Jax carried her out of the warehouse. She tried to ignore the blood that smeared the ground and the various dead bodies, but she knew they would be imprinted into her mind. Just like the days she had been held captive.

"What happened?" she asked as he brought her toward Clay who was leaning against a van, a gun still held tightly in his hand. He nodded to Jax and opened the door for her.

"It's a long story, baby, but you need to get to a hospital." Jax said laying her in the backseat and then getting into the front.

"What about everyone else?" she asked glancing at the other SAMCRO members who were checking over the damage.

"Don't worry about it. We just need to get you to a hospital and cleaned up." He said.

Tara nodded too tired to argue and leaned back into the seat wanting nothing more than to get as far away from this place as possible.

The ride to the hospital was quicker than she anticipated. When they got there she was bustled into a room and people were firing off things to do around her. She was so out of it she couldn't concentrate and instead for once let everyone else work around her. She watched the doctors and nurses hurry around her and only when she was sedated did she finally fall asleep.

* * *

What felt like mere seconds later she was being shaken by someone trying to wake her up. She groggily opened her eyes and stared into a pair of bright blue ones that she knew so well.

"Mommy?" TJ whispered when he saw that she was awake.

Tears prickled at the corners of her eyes and she reached for him bringing him as close to her as possible. She felt him wrap his arms around her and she pulled him half onto the bed so they could be closer.

"Oh, baby, I've missed you. I missed you so much." She whispered into his ear tears cascading even faster.

She felt him shaking in her arms and she held him tighter not wanting to let him go ever again.

"I missed you too." He choked out.

She let out a shaky breath and pulled him the rest of the way onto the bed careful not to pull out any wires. He laid his head onto her chest and hugged her to him.

"Please don't do that again." He said looking up at her.

"I'm sorry, baby. What happened while I was gone?" Tara asked uneasily.

TJ shrugged and laid his head back on her shoulder. "Stupid stuff. Jax, was all upset and Gemma came to help out. No one could find you. How did they find you?" he asked curiously.

Tara frowned, "I'm not—"

"A neighbor." Jax said stepping into the hospital room from his post leaning against the door.

"One of your neighbors saw you get attacked by some Mexicans and well…we put two and two together." Jax said.

Tara nodded slowly wanting to ask more questions, but not wanting to ask them in front of TJ.

"Baby, I'm really hungry. Do you think you could go get me some Reese cups from the vending machine? And maybe some Skittles?" she asked giving him a smile.

TJ narrowed his eyes at her and cuddled closer. "I don't wanna leave you. Can't Jax go do it?"

Tara exchanged a look between them noting how crestfallen Jax looked. She took in his unshaven face, the bags under his eyes, and his haggard hair. She wondered when the last time he had slept was. She considered for a brief moment why TJ had taken to calling Jax, Jax instead of dad.

"Please baby? You always pick out the best ones. And I can't leave I have to get better before that happens." She said touching her head gently where she felt the edge of a bandage.

TJ rolled his eyes and reluctantly got off the bed. Jax handed him some ones and he crossed the room before stopping to look back at his mom.

"I'll be right back." He said giving her a meaningful look before leaving.

Tara smiled sadly knowing that there were going to be a lot of issues because of the kidnapping. She had a brief flash of dropping him off for school on the first day of kindergarten and she knew that him holding on to her like a life saver was going to be nothing compared to everytime she left him from here on out. She'd be lucky to have any time alone, but then again as long as she was alive and safe she could really give a shit.

"What happened?" she asked looking over at Jax who seemed hesitant to approach her.

"I told you. A neighbor—"

"I mean why did they take me? What did you do, Jax?" she demanded surprised at her own anger.

He looked down scuffing the floor with his shoe.

"I got into a fight with some Mayans a few weeks ago and…they wanted revenge. I'm not sure what their plan was but…they wanted to get back at us, I guess. They knew you were a doctoc and I'm assuming they wanted to keep you to either torture me or help some of their guys get better. I honestly can't tell you exactly why, other than it's club business." He said begrudgingly.

"Club business." She repeated spitting the word out.

She laughed sardonically and leaned back in the hospital bed.

"You realize club business is why TJ didn't have a Christmas with his family, why I was taken, why I'm sitting in a hospital bed right now? How do you know this won't happen again? What happens if it's TJ who gets taken or—"

"Tara! I know, ok. I know! Do you know how fucked up I was when TJ called and told me what happened? I fucked up, ok! I didn't see this coming. I didn't see any of it and it's my fucking fault! Is that what you want to hear?" Jax yelled.

Tara scowled and crossed her arms over her chest. "Jax—"

"Listen, there's something else. Your dad…he's not…he's not going to make it much longer. The doctor called to tell me and well…before we waste anymore time arguing I think we should…we should go say goodbye." He mumbled.

"One of his nurses came in to tell me an hour ago that he didn't have much time left. When TJ gets back we should go." He added looking anywhere, but at her.

Tara let her mouth snap closed and she swallowed the words she was going to say. She felt the air drain from her body and she wondered what other miserable news she was going to receive now that she wasn't kidnapped anymore. It seemed like all the hard work they had done to get back to each other was slowly unraveling. TJ was upset about something, Jax looked guilty as hell, and she was back to being angry about club business.

She knew her father was dying, but to have this told to her right after she was resuced… It was just all too much. It felt so unreal.

She nodded and buzzed a nurse so that she was in a wheelchair when TJ came back.

The nurse and TJ came into the room at the same time and as the nurse helped Tara into the wheelchair Jax explained where they were going. The three of them went to the floor Frank was on and went to the familiar room they had spent so much time in. There were a few nurses in there checking vitals, but when they saw the family they left to give them some privacy.

Frank was asleep so Tara reached out a hand and put it on his.

"Hey dad." She whispered quietly.

His eyelids flickered and he opened them slowly his eyes glazed over.

"Took you long enough." He mumbled looking at her then TJ.

"I expected you sooner." He added making Jax wince.

There was silence in the room for a long time. No one knew what to say or in TJ's case had any idea what was going on. Tara sat on one side of his bed and TJ stood next to her with Jax behind them.

"I'm sorry." Tara said breaking the lengthy silence.

"I am too." Frank said squeezing her fingers.

Tara gave him a wobbly smile and looked over at TJ who was staring at him in confusion.

"I don't understand what's going on." He said looking between them.

"I'm going some place with all the women and alcohol in the world," Frank said trying to make a joke. "Your mother will take good care of you, kiddo."

TJ frowned and looked at his mother whose eyes were welling up with tears. She felt ridiculous crying so much in the last day, but everything seemed to set her off. She couldn't help it either. This was her father as much history as they had it was still… She just didn't know how to handle any of this.

"Now get our of here, I don't want you to see me like this." Frank demanded.

Tara shook her head and tightened her hold on her father's hand.

"Dad—"

"Go Tara."

"I love you."

Frank's lips formed a ghost of a smile and he nodded, "love you too, baby."

She sighed heavily and Jax wheeled her out of the room as TJ started to ask what was going on, since he didn't understand. Neither of them knew how to explain so they let him ask his questions.

Tara let the tears flow down her face and she reached out to hug her son feeling a conflicted. She was thankful to be home, and despite the years of hardship between her and her father she felt crushed by seeing him like that. It was a hard pill to swallow, but at least she had the opportunity to say goodbye.

(A/n: So what do you think? please review!)


	18. Chapter 18: How We Stay Strong

**Author's Note:** **Thank you everyone for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following!** This chapter is bittersweet and the next chapter will be as well. By the end of the chapter you'll probably have guessed the ending (and also hate me), but there are still two more chapters, well technically one and an epilogue, to come where two big things happen. I'll try to incorporate as many of your desires as possible, but I have a plan and as long as it fits I'll add it. Anywho thank you again you guys are awesome! Some people have asked whether I will write more and I'm honestly not sure. I don't have a solid idea for another story or a sequel, but I don't wanna say never. If you like my writing I did just start a blog if you're interested. It's mostly original stuff and I'm going to add some tv and movie reviews when I have more time. More info is on my profile or you can stop and say hi on Tumblr. You guys are the best! Don't hate me too much after this chapter.

**Thank you to: MissDavis92, Nanda21, Guest, amy, bethcbell5, summertimeshin, Idimaria, DeathDagger (x2!), oaklandraiders23, NaeNae78, india-guest, RhondaL, Cindy Burick, shaniatasmanx, Guest, ashdawn89, amralolic58, jillapet, cejsmom, Samantha Renk, cec0020, 1supermom08, shannie83, tinaedsall, Mrssilvers, tinerabrown1, DJQ2116, JaraSoa2008, &amp; Gladz08!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 18 How We Stay Strong**

"Tara? Tara? Can you hear me?"

Tara looked up at Hale already feeling tired of the conversation that had yet to take place.

The last few days were difficult to say the least. She had been hospital bound, but finally was released and allowed to go home. Now, that she was home she needed to begin the preparations for her father's funeral.

There was nothing physically wrong with her except for a few minor abrasions, that if monitored would be taken care of easily enough. Mentally was a whole different story. When TJ was around she acted like everything was fine, but when anyone else was she was closed off and a pensive look had taken residence upon her face.

"Are you ok?" David asked hesitantly.

Tara nodded and gestured down to the couch beside her. David had shown up right when she had been allowed to come home to ask her questions about what happened. She had no desire to talk to him or anyone else, but she knew he was just doing his job. He also cared about her and wanted to make sure she was ok, but that fact wasn't important to Tara when her world seemed to be falling apart around her. She needed to concentrate on her father's funeral and staying strong for her son, not to mention she had to have a very difficult decision with Jax soon.

She was also tired of the hovering. Between her father dying and getting kidnapped everyone was walking on egg-shells around her or asking her whether or not she was ok. She was so far from on, but she had to put on a strong face for her son.

What really bothered her was the fact that her and Jax had yet to really talk. Every time she thought she was ready to talk she made up another excuse to get out of the conversation. She had Jax running all over to get things she wanted or couldn't live without for the funeral or personal use. They hadn't been alone together since their fight on Christmas Eve. She insisted that TJ couldn't leave her side and when he had to she made sure there was a nurse in the room so that they couldn't properly talk. She was scared about the situation she had to face and if she could prolong it a little further maybe she'd be able to have the answers she couldn't continue denying. She knew what she had to do and as much as it was the right thing for her and TJ she wasn't one hundred percent on board yet. Especially because she knew how Jax would react.

She had to tell Jax, she just couldn't get up the courage to do so.

Jax had dropped her off at home before heading to the club for some business and usually she would've complained, but she was too tired and wanted to be alone. It was easier this way and gave her more time to think. TJ had come with her, so technically she wasn't alone, but she was grateful for him. Despite the situation he was trying hard to keep a smile on her face and make her laugh.

They had been in the middle of making dinner when Hale had shown up unexpectedly. Begrudgingly she had let him in.

"What do you want to know, David?" Tara asked watching as he sat down beside her.

"Well, first off how are you?" he asked quietly.

Tara looked over at the dining room table where TJ was coloring and keeping an eye on his mother. She turned back to David offered him a small smile.

"Tired. What did you wanna talk about?" she asked knowing full well why he was here.

When she had woken up the day after her father died she had found her room occupied with Clay and Jax whispering in a corner. When she had full become awake they told her what to say to Hale. As much as she didn't condone the club she was grateful for the rescue. So she already knew what to say now that Hale was here, but that didn't mean she liked it.

She'd always considered David a friend, so it was difficult to get up the courage to lie to him. She just hoped she was convincing.

David shifted uncomfortably. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Tara sighed wearily, "The doorbell rang late at night. I answered it and these men knocked me out and took me. I don't know what happened until I was rescued. I've been pretty out of it, so I'm afraid I won't be much help."

David regarded her quietly and looked over at TJ before lowering his voice.

"This happened because of Jax didn't it?"

Tara looked down at her fingers, "Do you have any other questions?"

"Tara, this is Jax's fault isn't it? Please tell me, maybe we can—"

"David, please. I'm tired. I missed Christmas with my son. I don't…my father just died. I just want to be left alone." She whispered.

David was quiet for a few minutes and then nodded.

"I'm going to prove that Jax did this, Tara. I think, the best thing for you would probably be to leave Charming." He advised standing up.

"Why?"

David gave her a long look and then shook his head. "You know he's bad news. You've known for a long time, Tara. I know there is something going on between SAMCRO and those guys. When we got to that warehouse…it was a mess. No one is talking either. How did you get out?"

Tara shrugged, "luck I guess."

David frowned, "Tara please don't lie for them. I'm going to find out the truth. It's time that SAMCRO—"

"Hale." Jax said interrupting the conversation.

Both Tara and David looked over at the door to see Jax standing in it anger written all over his face.

Tara avoided his eyes and looked everywhere else, but at him. She had been doing that a lot lately, avoiding him.

"What are you doing here?" he snapped glaring at Hale.

David scowled and looked over at Tara who was still sitting looking if possible even more tired.

"Remember what I said, Tara." David said giving her one last lingering look before pushing his way past Jax and out the door.

"What was that about?" Jax demanded.

Tara ignored him and looked over at TJ who was watching them curiously.

"I'm going to finish dinner. Do you want some?" she asked moving toward the kitchen.

"Tara, wait." Jax said reaching a hand out to stop her.

She flinched away from him and sadness took over the anger that was on his face. The two adults stared at each other seemingly having a conversation with their eyes.

Tara wanted to tell him to back off and just leave, but another part of her knew they needed to act like adults for the child in the room.

Jax wanted to tell her that everything would be ok now and they could be a family, but he couldn't help notice the look of defeat in her eyes.

Tara finally looked away and headed toward the kitchen. Jax sat down heavily at the dining room table and looked at the picture his son was drawing. It was a house with a family in the yard. There was a bright yellow sun in the corner and a tree beside the house. It was done relatively well and Jax felt an overwhelming sense of pride at knowing that his son was such a good artist, especially for being so young.

"Are you going to go talk to her?" TJ asked curiously.

Jax smiled slightly, "in a minute, kid."

"She's sad, you know." TJ mumbled looking up at him finally.

"Yeah, I know."

"You should talk to her."

"I know."

TJ gave him a look so reminiscent of Tara telling him off that he sighed and got up from the table. He reached over to ruffle his son's hair, TJ glared at him, and batted his hand away.

Jax walked into the kitchen where he found Tara standing by the stove stiring noodles slowly in a pot.

"How are you?" he asked after a beat of silence.

"I wish people would stop asking me that." She said huffing and turning to glare at him.

He chuckled his mind flashing back to TJ's glare from a few seconds ago. There was so much of Tara in TJ it was a little shocking to see her expressions on a little miniture of his face. Suddenly he felt the overwhelming desire to ask her to have more children with him. He could see at least two more kids running around with her eyes and his hair. TJ would be a great older brother and—

"I think we should talk." She said finally breaking into his thoughts.

"Yeah, of course." He said moving forward.

She looked down into the pot and then back over at him nervousness written all over her face.

"How was everything while I was…?" she trailed off not wanting to say _away_ since she wasn't technically. She was _taken_. There was a difference.

Jax opened his mouth to say good, but cringed he couldn't lie about her time away. "Not good. My mom came over a lot. TJ was angry. I was…not in a good place."

She gave him a sad smile and hesitatantly reached out to take his hand. She didn't have any words of comfort, but she did want to let him know she was here for him. She loved him despite everything else, but she knew she had to do the right thing.

"TJ seems angry at you." She whispered as he moved closer.

"He is. He blames me." He revealed.

She hummed in thought and he looked into her green eyes trying to see what she was thinking. He could usually read her like a book, but she was so closed off since she'd been rescued.

"I blame me too. If we—" he added hastily.

"Jax…" she trailed off and bit her lip not knowing what to say to him. If she was honest with herself she blamed him too, but that didn't mean she would stop loving him.

If he wasn't so involved with SAMCRO. If the Mayans hadn't wanted to use her to get back at Jax, if he had just been honest with her, maybe none of this would've happened. But she knew deep within her soul that if the Mayans hadn't shattered their happiness something else would.

She remembered now why she had left so many years before and why she had tried to keep TJ away from this life.

"I love you." She whispered finally.

He smiled and pulled her to him. He rested his chin on her head and closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms around her. This was what he had wanted since she had been rescued. He just wanted to take her in his arms and tell her everything was ok. He needed to feel reassured by her presence. He needed—

"I have to tell you something." She mumbled tightening her arms around him.

His eyes were closed and he felt peaceful at last. He vaguely let his mind wander as he wondered what she was going to tell him, but he knew that as long as they were together anything she said would be welcome.

His mind wandered back to his previous thoughts about having another kid and he wondered if maybe she was pregnant. Or maybe she was going to tell him what she had been thinking about for the past few days. Or maybe—

"We're going to go back to Chicago." She muttered finally.

As the words left her mouth he felt his heart shatter. The happy bubble that had surrounded them popped and he felt like he was nineteen again and Tara was teling him she was leaving him for college. This couldn't happen again. He couldn't let her leave.

"You said you were going to stay. You said—" he accused pulling away from her.

She pulled him back to her and buried her head in his chest.

"I'm sorry." She whispered feeling tears run down her face.

"What about…what about everything you said?" he demanded trying to look down to see her face, but she was hiding in his chest.

He wanted to grab her and shake her to knock some sense into her, but deep down he knew this would happen. She always left in the end. They just weren't meant to have a happy ending. The life he wanted for them that seemed so attainable was back to being a pipedream. The cute house, three kids, a dog, the whole American Dream was a fucking lie and as much as he wanted it he knew he'd never have his happy ending with her. There was always something in the way, whether it was the club or college, there was always something blocking their happiness together.

"After everything that's happened it just proves…it proves that...what if next time it is TJ? Or I get killed because of some stupid mistake? You have to think of the future, Jax! It's not safe here, especially…especially because you put us in danger." She whispered hoping that he understood her decision.

She could tell he didn't. He seemed to be frozen in her arms and she wanted to shake him until he understood.

He felt the small kitchen closing in on him and he wasn't able to breathe.

"How can you do this? He's my son! I love you! You know, I thought about you for nine years? All I could see when I was with anyone else was you. You are all I've ever thought about. You are all I've ever wanted. You are my happiness. And after telling me that you love me and that you want to stay you're leaving? What the fuck, Tara?" he yelled finally exploding.

"It's for the best, Jax! Why can't you see that? We aren't leaving you! We're leaving the club, Charming, this toxic place! You can come with us! Please come with us." She pleaded moving to take his arm and stop him for moving away from her.

He yanked his arm back and he glared at her, "I can't."

"Why not? Why can't you leave? We aren't nineteen anymore! You can leave with me. We can be together, like a family." she demanded.

He gave her a long forlorn look before moving out of the kitchen. She heard TJ ask him what was going on and then the slamming of the front door. She wanted to collapse onto the floor, but instead she turned back to the stove needing to finish dinner. She had to say strong for her son, even if her heart was screaming at her to stay, her brain was telling her the right thing to do was leave.

(A/n: What do you think? Please review! Remember there will be a happy ending! More soon! Next up is Frank's funeral, Jax's decision, and someone comes back.)


	19. Chapter 19: How She Gave Me Light

**Author's Note:** This was a difficult one to write! But here is the end, plus we have an epilogue!** I would like to thank each and every one of u guys for taking the time out to review, read, favorite, and follow this story!** I couldn't have continued on with the story without each and every one of your encouraging and helpful words. So here is the HEA you have all been waiting for. I hope I did it justice and I hope that you guys like it! It's always so difficult to end a story. Please review!

On another fun note, ok so you guys have a choice. I have thought of another story idea that I will begin working on once this is finished. It is NOT a sequel, but I will write another Jax/Tara story, I'm thinking it will be a little darker. I was also thinking, and if you guys are totally against it let me know, but of doing an alternative reality where Tara stays set in this storyline. Does that make sense? So I'd like your opinion please. Should I write something completely new OR should I write an alternative take on if Tara had told Jax from the beginning about TJ and had stayed. What do you think?! Would anyone read either or those?

**Thank you to: NaeNae78, Guest, ashdawn89, tignat, amy, shaniatasmanx, india-guest, shannie83, Guest, Guest, coconicole5, Mrssilvers, DJQ2116, Guest, Kat, 7feathers, ShellBell126, traceyklewis, Guest, cejsmom, RhondaL, JaraSoa2008, ilovejaxandtara, cec0020, Cindy Burick, ruehlem, Gladz08, Guest, tinerabrown1, summertimeshine, Samantha Renk, Crazzi-in-love, amralolic58, toridw317, &amp; saldred75!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chaper 19 How She Gave Me Light**

"Mom?"

Tara looked up from deciding, which black dress to wear. The funeral was in a few days and she knew it would take her some time to get everything together. She had already started on the arrangements and had gotten TJ's suit cleaned. She'd chosen the caterer and had told everyone about her father's death, but she still felt like she had so much more to do.

She had brought two dresses with her, since she knew on some level she would inevitably have to bury her father. She hadn't been able to settle between them in Chicago and now seemed to be no different.

"What's up?" she asked throwing both dress back on the bed and looking over at TJ who was leaning against the doorway wearing a melancholic expression.

"Why hasn't dad been talking to you?" he asked bluntly.

She cleared her throat and sat on the foot of her bed careful not to wrinkle the dress that she had placed there. She beckoned him closer and he stood in front of her looking timid.

"We got into a fight." She admitted softly.

"When he was over last night? When he left?"

Tara nodded and bite her lip, unsure how much she should say to him.

"What did you fight about?" TJ asked trepidation lacing his voice.

She looked down at the carpet beneath her feet and then gestured to the bed beside her.

"I told him something he didn't like." She said when he settled beside her.

"Like what? He shouldn't be angry with you. We just got you back." He reasoned quietly snuggling into her side.

She smiled sadly and ran a soothing hand through his blonde hair. "Sometimes…Jax…I'm sorry we fought." She stuttered not knowing where to start.

She had been thinking of nothing beside the fight they had gotten in to the night before and the fact that Jax hadn't attempted to contact her. She figured he was off burying himself in things to take his mind off of her. Hell, for all she knew he could be fucking everything in town with a pussy, but she chose to believe he wouldn't do that to her. She hoped he wouldn't do that to her.

"Will I see him tomorrow?" TJ asked hopefully.

"I don't know, baby."

"What about the day after?"

"I'm not sure, baby, but I'll call him and see if he could come over and take you for the day if you'd like." She suggested.

"What about you? Is he going to talk to you? I don't want you guys to fight." TJ said his voice sounding so small.

"I told him we were going back to Chicago." Tara blurted out making TJ jerk away from her and look at her incredulously.

"What? Chicago! But mom, I like it here! I want to be with Jax, with my dad." TJ said hurriedly.

"I know, but after what happened...I'm not taking you away from your dad, Thomas, I want you to know he'll always be your dad and you'll always see him. But we need to go back to Chicago." Tara said needing him to understand.

TJ blinked rapidly trying to control his tears and shook his head violently. "But I don't want to go back. I like it here. It's quiet and I can see my dad all the time. I wouldn't mind staying. I think we should stay."

Tara sighed heavily trying to tell herself she was doing the right thing. "I know you like it here, but that doesn't…that doesn't mean something like what happened won't happen again. I know, this is hard to understand, but it's not safe."

TJ frowned and looked down at his lap his mind whirling a mile a minute at what his mother was saying. "I'm going to miss dad, though."

"I know."

"Will he come visit?"

"You need to ask him that."

"Will _we_ visit?"

She nodded slowly, "yeah we can visit."

"Good."

Tara reached for TJ to bring him in for a hug, but he dodged her arms and left the room the hunch of his shoulders clueing her in to his anger. She felt her heart sink and she wondered yet again if she was doing the right thing.

* * *

Jax watched Tara and TJ from afar at the cemetery. He was standing in the back of the funeral with Opie and Donna unsure whether he should go and comfort his family or not.

He hadn't spoken to Tara in three days, still too angry to have a civil conversation with her, but he had seen TJ. While his mother helped Tara get the funeral ready he had taken TJ off her hands, which she'd told him multiple times she was very grateful for. All he said in return was a grunt or a nod in acknowledgement.

He wasn't even angry anymore with her, it came down to the fact that he was hurt. Hurt by her dismissal of their fledgingly rekindled relationship. He was hurt by the fact that she couldn't stay for him. Hurt that she was giving up so easily.

She was always running and now was no different. His mother didn't know yet, but Tara had told him she was going to break the news soon, especially because she was planning on going back to Chicago a few days after the New Year. She needed to pack up some of the house and the rest she said she would deal with in Chicago.

That meant he only had a week to change her mind. Or change his own mind. He still thought about her offer of having him come with her, but he knew he couldn't. There was too much shit going on here. They had to deal with the Mayans after what they had done to Tara, still and he couldn't leave before they enacted their revenge.

Although another part of his mind knew he could leave. He could be with her, with them. He could go, be disowneded from SAMCRO, live out the rest of his days with his family. Maybe his pipedream would become a reality. If only he could let go of everything he had ever known.

"Jax."

Jax looked up startled to see Wendy standing in front of him in a black low cut dress and a doped up expression on her face. He looked around the cemetery warily and saw that most people were focused on what the Priest was saying.

His eyes landed on Tara again and saw that she was comforting TJ, he felt a shot of guilt run through his body and he knew he should be up there doing the same thing. Not hiding in the back of the crowd like a coward.

"What do you want, Wendy?" Jax asked keeping his voice low.

"Could we talk?" she asked glancing at Opie and Donna who were giving her uncomfortable looks.

Jax nodded and led her away from the crowd into a secluded part of the cemetery.

"Why are you here?" he asked looking across the graveyard where the Priest was reading from a book.

"I came for you." She stated.

"Me?" he asked looking over at her in surprise.

"I wanted to make sure you were ok."

"You do know that it's _Tara's _dad who died, right? Not mine." Jax said giving her an exasperated look.

"How's it going being a dad and all? The last time I saw you, you were loving it. Trouble in paradise?" she sneered.

He scowled and leaned back on his heels already wanting to go back to the service.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"I want you to give me another chance. I know I fucked up last time, but Jax, I've been thinking about us, about what we could be. I love you. Don't you love me?" she pleaded.

He sighed heavily and glanced over at where Tara and TJ stood. "So what? You want to reconcil. Is that what you want?" he asked unable to look away from Tara and TJ.

"Yes, that's exactly what I want. I'm getting clean. We can start over. I heard Tara was leaving and—"

"You heard she was leaving? From who?" he asked aprubtly finally tearing his eyes away from the love his life and his son.

She shrugged, "I heard the kid talking to Opie and Donna about it."

"Wendy—"

"Listen, please, just give me a chance. They're leaving. Things will go back to how they were before. We could be together. We could reconcil. We could live in a white picket house, have a few kids, we can have a life together." She said quietly taking a step closer to him.

"Please, Jax. I'm the only one who will ever love you the way you deserve." Wendy mumbled putting a hand over his heart.

Jax stared down at her letting her words sink in and then as if waking from a dream he jerked away.

"No, you aren't the only one." he said and then turned back and walked toward the group of people who seemed to be finishing up the ceremony.

Instead of going to stand right back beside Donna and Opie he hurried to stand on the other side of TJ. He was rewarded with a small smile from his son and suddenly Jax knew what he had to do. His decision was solidified when he looked over at Tara who was looking at him curiously as the Priest finished with the ceremony and dismissed them.

He watched her move forward and say some words to her father and then come back to stand with the two of them. He'd tell her later of his decision and he knew as much friction as it would cause – probably a large fire to be honest – making his pipe dream a reality with her would be all he truly wanted in the end.

* * *

Everyone was dressed in the customary funeral black. It was a sea of black in varying degrees, but the one thing Tara was sure of was that most of the town had made it for her father's funeral. It wasn't that her father was close with any of these people; she figured it was more for the fact that they had known him and her. She knew that most of the people who had shown up were more here for her rather than her father, but she appreciated it anyway.

Surprisingly, she was the most thankful for Gemma, who seemed to take the reins on the whole shit show.

Tara had ended up outside in the minuscule backyard she'd spent a majority of her childhood in when her mother was alive. TJ, she knew was in the living room entertaining the various SAMCRO members that had shown up and Jax she had only seen glimpses of since they got back to the house.

She knew as they stood in the cemetery that something had changed though. Something good, but it seemed wrong to feel positive when something so dark was surrounding them.

She wanted to talk to him, but was too busy accepting people's condolences and being asked by Gemma where to put food or where people should park. Jax had kept his distances as if afraid that she would lash out at him in front of all the fellow mourners. But in reality all she wanted was for him to forgive her for her decision and hold her, tell her everything was okay. She'd been through so much in the past few days and all she needed was for the love of her life to comfort her.

"Hey."

She looked up and smiled at the appearance of the man she had been thinking so much about.

"Hey." She said quietly.

"Shouldn't you be inside?" he asked.

She shook her head and gave him a small smile. "It's more peaceful out here."

He nodded and looked right then left. "I remember hiding out here several times when I snuck away from your house."

Her small smile turned into a full-grown grin. "I remember you almost getting us caught on a few occasions, Mr. I-Don't-Wake-Up-At-The-Ass-Crack-Of-Dawn."

"I do now." He said moving closer to her.

She nodded slowly, "adulthood does that to you."

He chuckled and bumped her shoulder. "Listen, I'm sorry about everything. How I dealt with you telling me you were leaving and just…everything. I fucked up."

"I'm sorry too. If it was only me, I'd stay. God, I would stay. But I have to think about TJ," she paused and took a deep breath; "believe me when I told him…he's not pleased either. As angry as you think he is at you…Jax you're his father and he loves you." She said looking into his bright cerulean eyes and hoping to convey to him how sincere she was.

"I know. Everything that happened…It was just so difficult. I thought…I thought I'd lost you and I don't like thinking that. The pain…it's unreal. When I found out you were gone and I thought…God Tara…when you aren't with me it's like a part of me is missing. Not just in my heart, but everywhere. It's like…" he trailed off and rubbed a hand across his face and through his hair.

"I love you too, Jax. So much. I'll always love you, more than anything, but being a mom…sometimes I can't think about what I want." She said cupping his face in her soft hands.

He nodded and swallowed hard batting back the tears. "Are you planning on coming back?"

"To visit? Yes, but I can't live here. There's too much danger. How do I know that one night I won't wake up to the same thing t-that happened before?" She stuttered. She had to still deal with that little adventure. She hadn't even thought about what had happened in the warehouse, and she had no intention to. That was a battle for another day and currently she needed to deal with her father's death before addressing her kidnapping.

"I know." He whispered leaning his forehead on hers.

She let out a shaky breath and closed her eyes enjoying his closeness, already feeling infinity better.

"I'm going to come with you." he whispered his words ghosting across her cheeks and leaving a warmth in her that she was scared to acknowledge.

Come with her? Was he being serious?

"What?" she asked moving away from him and looking up at him in surprise.

"I'm going to come with you." He repeated.

She stared at him in surprise her mouth agape in shock at his words.

"I chose you." He said boldly.

She pressed her lips together to hold back her tears, but it was no use because they began to fall anyway. She opened her arms and wrapped them around him making sure to pull him in as close as possible.

"Thank you." She murmured, "thank you."

He nodded, his throat was too clogged up to even respond and he knew that he was about to make his dream with her a reality.

Something about his conversation with Wendy resonated with him and he realized that when Tara and TJ did leave things would return to 'normal.' And that was the furthest thing he wanted. He wanted to see TJ get older, he'd already missed so much. He wanted to wake up next to Tara every morning. He wanted another kid with her – or twelve. He wanted a house with her. He wanted the whole nine yards and only with her. He was going to get his fresh start. He was going to get a chance to do everything again. He could go back to the beginning, he had a chance to go back to the start.

And this time he wasn't going to fuck it up.

(A/n: So what did you think?! next up is the epilogue! please review!)


	20. Chapter 20: Epilogue

**Author's Note:** So here it is! The Epilogue! Thank you everyone for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following! You guys have been amazing and I'm so glad you all liked reading this! You guys have all made me smile with your reviews and I really appreciate you guys reading this! I will be writing another SOA story, and I'm half way through the first chapter so hopefully that will be up soon. I want to try to get it up within the next week, but we'll see how it goes.

_Guest_ you asked what I meant by saying that Tara stays "set?" I meant that I was going to write an alternative storyline where Tara stayed in Charming and had told Jax from the beginning that she was pregnant instead of going away and becoming a dr etc. I want to write both stories, the Alternative to this story (I guess that's an AU inside of an AU, that's a mind fuck right there) and the idea I had where Jax finds Tara five years after she left and she's in a very different place than he imagined her. (I don't wanna give away too much) Lots of Jealousy. There are very few Jealous Jax stories and I really wanted to write one. Anyway I'm going with the second option for now, because I want a break from writing pregnancy stuff, but I'll write the AU take on this as well later on down the line. If there are any questions about the new fic or anything else please PM me! Anyway on with the last part of the story!

**Thank you to: Guest, Guest, traceyklewis, 7feathers, JaraSoa2008, lulu, claire, brenda, amy, Shan1015, becky, india-guest, luball8, DJQ2116, tignat, NaeNae78, jbear061162, rena365, tinerabrown1, Gladz08, shaniatasmanx, bethcbell5, cec0020, ruehlem, Guest, cejsmom, 1supermom08, xshynenstarx, RhondaL, shannie83, kimmeyer7399, ilovejaxandtara, Samathna Renk, Cindy Burick, &amp; saldred75!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 20: Epilogue**

Tara road the CTA home feeling exhausted from the long day at the hospital. She didn't want to think about that when she got off the train at the last stop she still had to drive to the small suburban house she and Jax had bought a few months ago.

She couldn't wait to get home and prop her swollen feet up on the couch and convince Jax to rub them.

Although in all honesty she didn't need to convince Jax to do anything. Since finding out she was pregnant with their second son he had been constantly hovering over her to make sure she was well taken care of.

It was beginning to get annoying, but she was thankful for it neither the less. When she was pregnant with TJ she never had someone to worry over her, well she had her cousin, but that hardly counted.

Having Jax with her for the second time around was a blessing and she wouldn't trade it for the world. She was just happy they had left Charming when they did, she didn't regret taking Jax away from there, even if he was now ostrasized from everyone he had ever considered family.

She knew that it was hard on him and he hadn't talked much about it, but he had never brought up going back. He seemed to be happy in the domestic life they had created together.

She worked at Chicago Presbyterian and he was working as a mechanic in a garage around the corner from their house. He enjoyed working with the guys there and he had quickly made friends, which she was happy about. She knew he missed the Club, so it was nice that he had already made friends in his current environment. They had struggled with the changes, but they were slowly working through the kinks in both their relationship and the new life they were building together. She wouldn't change any of it and she knew he wouldn't either.

The only thing she did regret was the irreparable relationship she had created between him and his mother.

After telling Gemma they were leaving she had thrown a fit and threatened both of them. She told them if they left Charming she would make sure no one from their old lives contacted them again. She would make sure that they would never be able to step foot in Charming again, but that still didn't change their mind.

It didn't change Jax's mind and it was then that Tara realized how deeply in love with her he was. He was willing to give up his mother for her, and since they started their knew life together she made sure to show him how thankful she was that he left with them.

The train rolled to a stop in the station and Tara waddled off the CTA and went toward the car that was parked in the parking lot. She watched her breath gather before her as she made her way to the car and she huddled deeper into her downcoat trying to keep warm. She opened the door with shivering fingers and climbed in uneasily because of the extra girth she was hauling around.

As she settled into her car she turned it on to warm it up before making the short drive home. She let her mind drift to what awaited her at home and she decided to leave the parking lot before the car was fully warmed up.

The drive home was quick and she was thankful for that, since all she wanted to do was get into the toasty house. She pulled into the driveway and parked next to the black Cutlass that Jax drove in the winter due to the cold. He still had his motorcycle, she knew he'd never give it up, but it was currently in hibernation until Spring came.

She grabbed her things from the car and made her way to the front door only to have it pulled open before she even moved her keys to the lock.

"You're home!" TJ exclaimed happily throwing his arms around her and hugging her close.

She smiled at his eagerness and hugged him back before walking them over the threshold.

The house was warm and smelled like gingerbread from the batch she had made then night before. She had been steadily making Christmas cookies as they neared the holiday.

She looked around the small house and beamed when she saw the Christmas tree all-light up in the corner with multiple present beneath it. She took in the homey feel of the house the three of them had built together and she felt the tension of her day roll off of her.

"Come on I don't want you catching a cold." She said running a hand through his blonde hair.

"Mom, you worry too much." He said rolling his eyes and letting go of her.

He looked down at her belly with interest and poked it waiting to see if it moved like it had been doing for the last week or so. She knew she was nearing her due date, she had a little over three weeks to go, but she despately hoped that the baby came after Christmas. She wanted to have a Christmas with no drama, unlike the year before.

"It's my job." She said kissing him on his forehead and then closing the door.

"Where's your father?" she asked still finding that question to be weird. Jax had lived with them for almost a year and she was still in awe of the fact he stayed and was happy. The first few weeks they had been living in her small apartment in Chicago she waited every day to find him gone, but he had stayed and she loved him even more – if that was possible – for it.

"Trying to make dinner." TJ said smirking.

She shook her head taking in the expression on his face and the uncanny similarity to Jax.

"Did you do your homework?" she asked putting her things down and taking off her coat.

"Yep!"

"All of it?" she asked suspiciously.

He nodded again and she narrowed her eyes studying him.

"Alright, you can watch TV before dinner, but you need to read before bed. We aren't making TV a thing." She lectured.

TJ rolled his eyes and went over to the TV while Tara went to go try and help salvage dinner. Jax cooking was not one of his finer strengths, but he was trying and that's what counted.

"Jax?" she called out going into the kitchen.

"Hey I thought I heard you come in." He said stepping away from the stove and kissing her hurriedly on the mouth before going back to the stove.

She looked over his shoulder and tried to hold back a grimace at the smell that greeted her.

"What are you making?" she asked trying to keep the pleasant tone in her voice.

"Soup. You said you were craving some tomato soup," he said. "And I made grilled cheese." He added nodding to the three plates with a sandwich on each of them.

"Okay, baby, how about I finish up here and you go watch TV with TJ." She suggested already mentally looking for the Campbell's tomato soup in the back shelf.

He glanced over at her and shook his head. "No you relax, you've had a long day."

"So have you." She countered leaning into his side.

He automatically put an arm around her and rested a hand on her full belly.

"I'm not carrying out child around." He pointed out giving her a look.

She smiled slightly and put her hand over his. "He keeps kicking. He never stops moving." She said and as if by proving her point a limb kicked at their hands.

Jax grinned, "He'll be a fighter, like a true Teller."

She smiled back and tilted her head up to meet his eyes. They gazed down at eac other and then she reached up and kissed him again gently on the lips. "I love you, Jax."

He gave her a sly grin and shuffled her impossibly closer. "I love you too. And tonight I'll show you just how much." He said gruffly wiggling his eyebrows.

She wrapped a hand around his neck and brought him down to her again so she could kiss him. "Good, I want a foot rub before we do anything though. My feet have been killing me."

"I'll give you the best fucking foot rub ever, babe." He said kissing her again.

She giggled and they became lost in each other, both forgetting about the soup that Jax was supposed to be making and Tara fixing. It was only when Tara smelled something burning did she move away.

"Jax, I think the soup is burning." She mumbled when he ducked his head down to her neck and began kissing her pulse point.

"Hm?"

"The soup." She replied pulling away and looking down at the burnt soup.

He moved away slowly as if coming out of a haze and then began to curse when he saw the sloop the soup had become. He let out a string of courses and she laughed moving forward and turning off the stove.

"Go hang out with your son, I'll fix the soup." She said already moving toward the cabinet where the cans were.

"Are you—?"

"Go Jackson!" She said giving him a pointed look.

He sighed and left the kitchen, but not before giving her another kiss.

She smiled to herself as she made the tomato soup and then called the two boys to dinner when she had finished. The three of them sat down together and began to dig in to the warm meal.

"So I was thinking of names." Jax announced looking over at Tara.

"What were you thinking?" She asked curiously.

"Abel Jonathon Teller." Jax said quietly.

Tara smiled slightly and looked over at TJ.

"What do you think, Thomas?" she asked.

TJ looked thoughtful for a moment about the name and then nodded. "I like it. Why Abel though?"

"It's a strong name, like Thomas." Jax said easily.

TJ nodded, "Thomas and Abel."

Tara smiled and looked between them before looking down at her belly. She rubbed the bump there subconsciously and then dipped back into her food.

"So what did you get me for Christmas?" TJ asked eagerly.

"Thomas, Christmas isn't for another few days. You need to wait until then to find out." She said.

"But if we were Jewish I would already know! We would celebrate Hannukah and I'd have eight days of presents! Eight days!" TJ whined giving her puppy eyes to hopefully change her mind.

Jax laughed at the look, but immediately stopped when he saw Tara's face.

"He got that from you." she said with chagrin.

He smirked and winked at TJ who smirked back and changed the subject recognizing that he wasn't going to get anything out of his mother. He began to tell them about his last day of school before winter break.

She put her hand on the table and smiled when Jax reached over and picked it up tangling their fingers together. She turned back to TJ who continued to talk about fourth grade and she knew she wouldn't give this up for anything.

There was nowhere she'd rather be. Granted it had taken them a long time to reach this point, every painful step was worth it because now they were happy and together. She was glad she had fought for Jax this time around, and she was glad she had went back to Charming to see her father. It had been a long path, but she was glad she had gone back to the start to find her happily ever after.

**The End**


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